WB says 1,2,3May 18 2017 at 9:03 AM
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Sally (Login sallysallysally)
from IP address 126.96.36.199
On his 70th birthday, WB was given a gift certificate from his wife. The
certificate was for consultation with an Indian Medicine Man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction.
WB went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.
The old Indian gave him a potion and with a grip on his shoulder, warned
"This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: '1,2,3.'
When you do you will become more manly than you have ever been in your
life, and you can perform for as long as you want."
WB thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: "How do I stop the medicine from working ?" The old man responded, "Mrs WB must say '1,2,3,4,' but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked, so he went home, showered, shaved, took a
spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When
she came in, he took off his clothes and said '1,2,3 !'
Immediately, WB was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1,2,3 for?"
And that, folks, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition as it may lend up leaving you dangling.
Chief tells fibsNo score for this post
|May 18 2017, 9:04 AM |
LC applies his own war paint (again)!No score for this post
|May 18 2017, 9:05 AM |
Severe Indian weatherNo score for this post
|May 18 2017, 12:34 PM |
It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets of weather prediction. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect extra firewood to be prepared.
But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does It still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The diligent Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."
Shoot the horseNo score for this post
|May 18 2017, 12:40 PM |
I'd heed that adviceNo score for this post
|May 18 2017, 12:42 PM |
The Lone Ranger and TontoNo score for this post
|May 18 2017, 12:44 PM |
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking when in walks a cowboy who yells, "Who's white horse it that outside?" The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, "It's my horse. Why do you want to know?" The cowboy looks at him and says, "Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun and he don't look too good." The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion. The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water. He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to drink. It is then he notices that there isn't a breeze so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down. Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realizes there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey. After a bit a cowboy walks in and says, "Who's white horse is that outside?" Slowly the Lone Ranger turns around and says, "That is my horse, what is wrong with him now?" "Nothing," replies the cowboy, "I just wanted to let you know that you left your Injun running."
Afternoon RideNo score for this post
|May 18 2017, 2:52 PM |
The lone ranger and Tonto were riding across the prairie one day and came across railroad tracks.
The lone ranger got off, put his ear on the tracks. after a moment he got up and said "Train Come".
Tonto said "How know"?
the Lone Ranger said that he could hear it in the rail .... sound travels much faster and further in the steel than in the air.
After riding on for a while they came to animal tracks trecking across the prairie. Tonto stops his horse and gets off, pt his ear on the tracks. After a moment he got up and said "Buffalo Come!"
The lone ranger says "How Know?"
Tonto says "Ear wet!"
The Lone Rangers last requestNo score for this post
|May 18 2017, 6:38 PM |
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured
by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims,
"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" .
"In honor of the Harvest Festival,
YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"
"What is your FIRST request ???'
The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought
before the Lone Ranger who whispers in
Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with
a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches,
the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent
and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits
"You have a very fine and loyal horse",
"But I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request ???"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak
to his horse.
Silver is brought to him,
and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise,
Silver again returns, this time with a
voluptuous brunette, more attractive
than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Rangers tent
and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief
is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents,"
"But I will still kill you tomorrow."
"What is your LAST request ???"
The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse, .... alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees,
and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears,
Looks him square in the eye and says,
Listen Very Carefully !!!!
FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...
I SAID ...
Lone Ranger and Tonto camping ...... and the meanings in the starsNo score for this post
|May 18 2017, 11:00 PM |
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo> Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?
'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.' What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter Past three in the morning.
Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorological, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?'
"You dumber than an Obama voter. It means someone stole the tent.