Honestly, Rumble Roses isn't that bad...

by TMP

 
For one, it's so overwhelmingly stupid that nobody could ever be offended by these moronic polygons.

Rumble Roses isn't a bad game, but it's really, really stupid. The Graphics are fine, and the wrestling is basically a slightly simplified version of the Smackdown engine (the Jakk's Pacific logo on the entry makes me think they actually used the Smackdown engine). The music is bland but alright.

The biggest flaw is that the game is really, really, REALLY stupid. The story mode is mind boggling stupid. Every cut-action dialogue scene is absolutely ridiculous, with bland, emotionless voice acting repeating insanely bad dialogue. The character design romps from blatant ripoff (There's a character who basically is Ryu with boobs, there's a female ninja, there's an absolutely palette swap worthy cut of Tina from DOA) to insane fantasy gratification (a bondage slave, a naughty nurse, a schoolgirl and headmistress). The bonus character modes are absolutely not worth ever going into Story Mode.

Each character, if you're willing to go through their story mode, gets basically the same linear storyline that much better games like Soul Calibur 2 use to a pretty bland effect. You fight five or six regular battles, then one battle against your predestined opponent (the teacher fights the schoolgirl, Ryu beats up the bondage mistress, et al) and then the boss.

There's also a really, really bad mud wrestling mode, which doesn't invoke any sense of nostalgia, isn't really over the top enough to be funny, and the mud isn't very well done either.

Rounding it out, there's an "Exercise Mode", which is overwhelmingly panderous - and involves you having the control of the camera while the wrestler of your choice does a variety of butt thrusts, inverse splits, et al.

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In my opinion, the game should have really just not caved to standards that the game make any sense, and add modes that were either silly, or overwhelming pandering - one of the values that makes the WWE's Women Wrestling worth watching is that the matches fall into three categories - serious beatdown (this is usually Lita v Anybody), Complete Pandering (Trish Stratus v Anybody), or Really Fucking Silly (Molly Holly's career).

The mud wrestling mode didn't do anything, and what would have been more interesting would have been collegiate style Jello or Whipped Cream wrestling. At the very least, that style match would have been reminiscient of movies.

The plot of this game (despite one of the most fucking brilliantly insane nods to Metal Gear 2) is absolutely ridiculous. I would have settled for something along the lines of Def Jam Vendetta, where at least I knew why they bothered.

The characters who are obviously designed to be fighters should have been replaced with sillier, more stereotypical characters - DOAX didn't compromise and let them have a mode where they wore uniforms, why should Rumble Roses? They should have all been B grade porn star fantasies, thus there really isn't a sense of "I beat a really powerful character with my spank me schoolgirl."

Oh, yeah...anything but that exercise mode. How about a pointless thing where the wrestlers have to do modeling to promote their match - at least something that doesn't scream filler. Merle doing one armed pushups in her underwear was more interesting then this.
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Thus being said, it's not a bad weekend rental type of game. Personally, any WWE game is lightyears better then this, and that includes Reckoning, which has buggies. The multiplayer mode is playable in fair doses, and with a high quantity of alcohol, the Story Mode is pretty laughable, and you notice that while exceptionally stupid, the game has a myriad of references to other games, and some high quality bad jokes.

Nothing redeems the Exercise Mode or the Mud Wrestling, but if you even bother with the Exercise Mode, you need help.

Or Porn.

-TMP-



Posted on Nov 25, 2004, 1:53 AM

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