I agree with much of what you said.April 12 2005 at 2:54 PM
|Wayne (no login)|
Response to Re: I know your intent, but intent isn't always enough
Austin, I agree with much of what you said. I think that I'd better just quote what you said and intersperse my comments. Otherwise, you'll only notice the things I disagree with, and fail to see what I agree with, and I thing the things we agree about are important.
<<< I see what your saying. Not that im going to believe you 100% but I see. No being a virgin until I get married is true. I will say this SEX is not life if you think that is..... >>>
Sex is not life and life is not sex, but they have a lot stronger relationship than you seem to realize. I don't think that anyone who has not had a loving sexual relationship fully understands the importance of sex. Note that this includes a lot of sexually active teen agers, who have sex without love.
Don't believe anyone, not even yourself, 100%. Everyone is sure about something that they are wrong about. It doesn't sound like you have learned that lesson yet, but I hope that you learn soon.
The one kind of people who I can't stand are those who are wrong about many things but are unable to admit that they have ever been wrong about anything. Usually they profess to strong religious beliefs, but don't hesitate to lie and cheat to get what they want. I've made the mistake of having business dealings with such people and have learned the hard way. The problem is that they believe that they are honest, and that makes them appear to me to be honest. Every time I've had a deal go sour, I've been dealing with someone with strong religious beliefs who can't see his own mistakes. I've made the mistake of believing that he would look out for his own interests, and that, since I've made a deal with him that insures that I make money if he makes money, I'll come out OK. Instead, his business self-destructs and that costs me money.
<<< See I have no problems really with kissing or the like. But going as far as the actual deal(sex) no I dont believe in that. >>>
"Or the like"? "The actual deal"? These are too vague. I wonder if you really understand what lies between them, and know how you would deal with decisions in this area. As I understand the Bible, "the actual deal" is limited to intercourse. If you agree with that, than you have a lot of room for sexual experiences without compromising your beliefs.
<<< No my mind will not change! Why you may ask? Because I made a promise to God when I stood up. I pray for God to send me who he wants me to be with. >>>
Ah, but why do you think that you promise is more likely to be kept than the promise of the others who did the same? Are you saying that you think that your promise was true and that a lot of the others made a false promise? If so, than you think poorer of them than I do. I think that they were just as sincere as you were.
What if God does as you ask and sends you who He wants you to be with, not who you want to be with. What if He thinks that you need to learn to be more tolorant and sends you someone who thinks that sex is acceptable once you promise to marry her? Are you going to reject her because you thing that God is made in your image and wouldn't have sent you such a woman?
<<< You see sex can be great for a marriage where you are close and loved and not to be picked on. But in the open like it is for some they dont want you for love or friendship they want the SEX!
Thats nothing, nothing at all. You take the SEX out of the picture and watch and see if you have a true frienship or not. >>>
I agree; I had no interest in that kind of girls, and I wouldn't expect you to either. Friendship, love, and commitment should preceed sex. I can understand why kids today are engaging in a lot of recreational sex, but I blame society, not the kids. We have deprived kids of the opportunity for the good kind of sex and only left them with the bad. Their bodies tell them when they are ready to start having sex, and we deny them the right to marry within a couple of years of then. Then we blame them for the mess we've created.
<<< Dont go into a relationship for sex. You will get nowhere but in trouble. Look at all the teens getting pregnant and having to walk around high school the years they are supposed to be having fun with a fat belly with a child in it. Then look as most of the males leave to live there life.
Then when its born they might have to quit school. It ruins there life. Thats why we are in such bad shape now. >>>
I agree. However, I think that you are misjudging quite a few of the girls who get pregnant and don't get an abortion. A lot of these girls went into the relationship for love, not just for sex, and a lot of them wanted to have the child. The problem, as I see it, is that, unlike when I was young, our society today always makes it difficult, and in some states makes it impossible, for these girls to marry the fathers of their children.
I think that when we tout the importance of all children having both a father and a mother, we need to encourage men and boys to marry the girls and women that they get pregnant, not discourage or forbid it. I think that current public policy in this regard is both immoral and hypocritical.
<<< All the world wants is pleasure without commitment. Life is about so much more things than sex. I am almost 16 and have not had a girlfriend nor even been kissed. I pray one day I find my mate for life but it seems im not ready yet. >>>
I think that you are seeing things in too black and white a fashion. There are still people out there who want commitment. They are just fewer and harder to find than they used to be. Life is about more than sex, but remember that sex is about life. All animals, including humans, and most plants, wouldn't exist without sex.
What makes you think that you aren't ready yet? Your body has been telling you that it is ready. Don't you believe it? You believe in God. Do you think God intended boys your age to be tormented by their hormones? Do you think that poorly of God? Doesn't it seem more likely that God intended you to get married soon after puberty, and that your hormones are telling you God's will? Doesn't it seem more likely that it was man, not God, who decided that you were too young and should wait until you were older to get married, and suffer torment in the meantime?
If you do, against your current intentions, find yourself having a sexual relationship with a girl who you want to marry, be aware that it is important to not put off marrying her for more than two years, no matter how many excuses you can find. Believing as you do, don't get a girlfriend that you aren't willing to marry within two years. That way, if you do wind up in a sexual relationship, you can do the right thing and marry her.
<<< I have lived all these hormone raging years without SEX I can wait until marriage. >>>
I agree that you can. What I have questions is whether you will, and whether you should.
<<< But you said "if" you marry her. There are a lot of if's since we dont know lets not try it. >>>
If you want to have any children, you are going to have to have sex with the woman you want to be the mother of your children at some time in your life. If you discover that you don't like having sex with her, and you don't believe in divorce, and you don't believe in adultery, and you don't believe in sex before marriage, then you have made yourself a problem. You need to be compatible with your wife in a lot of ways if you are to have a good marriage.
If you do wait until marriage to have sex, I would strongly recommend that both you and your wife be as young as you can manage when you do get married.
<<< If my girlfriend wants to have sex and dumps me I dont think I will cry. If she wants me for sex she wanted me for the wrong reason. I want a friend not a sex toy. Its sad teens and people now days only think about this and not true frienship. >>>
I was giving you credit for making a lot better choice of girlfriend than you are giving yourself credit for choosing. If you choose one who is only interested in sex, that is your fault, not her fault or my fault. I was assuming that you found one who wanted you for everything; one who wanted friendship, love, companionship, sex, and marriage. I asked if you were going to dump her if, after deciding that she wanted to marry you, she wanted sex before marriage.
Of course, if you make a bad choice of girlfriend, it will be easier to lose her than if you made a good choice. Try answering the question I asked. What if you made the right choice in everything except one thing. She things sex is OK once you have agreed to marry her, and you think that it is wrong until after the wedding. Is that single difference grounds for dumping her? That's the tough question, and until you know for sure how you will answer it if you are faced with it, you don't know yourself.
<<< Its like this:
If you marry a girl for her sex and beauty but you dont like her how is that going to work out? What im trying to say the best I can is
"DONT MARRY OR HAVE A RELATIONSHIP FOR JUST THE SEX!" >>>
I strongly agree with this. Anyone who does what you said is a fool who deserves what he gets.
<<< Sex is a good thing. God made it but just like many other things it can be abused. >>>
Our only disagreement here is in the definition of abuse.
<<< So I refuse no matter what I wont have sex until im married. And that wont be my intent when I go into a relationship finally. >>>
I think that you have underestimated the importance of sex in marriage. I'm afraid that you are going to wind up with a poor sexual relationship with your wife, and since you are the type who believes that marriage is for a lifetime, you are going to have a lifetime to regret it. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that is a certainty. Far from it; you may well have a very good marriage. I'm just saying that you are hurting your chances for a good marriage by your attitude.
<<< Urges,wants and temptaions can all be overcome and ignored. If I gave into what my mind and body wanted I would be a mess. >>>
Don't be so smug about that. Your body often has better sense than you give it credit for. You need to overrule it when the temptations are those created by people making money by tempting you. You need to resist, for example, foods with too much sugar or salt added. But don't be so certain that God intended you to resist the temptations that he provided. You need to catagorize temptations better. If they were provided by man to make a profit from you, then you need to learn to resist them. But, if they were provided by God, don't be so quick to think that God intended you to resist them. What if it was his intent to use them to guide you into doing His will?
<<< Hope this made sense to you all who read this. >>>
It made good sense to me.