I don't believe the mom should have been told to go home and change. I would not have done that. That does not change my feeling that the woman looked sloppy, but like you, I would not have taken it upon myself to tell her to go home and change clothes.
On the other hand if someone were volunteering at school for example, as some parents do, I think it would be appropriate to have that person wear appropriate attire, otherwise why should there be anything but a very rudimentary dress code for students (so they don't show up at school with holes in clothes or naked).
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