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October 21 2005 at 11:49 AM
John Bayko  (no login)
from IP address

Response to Fair Enough

"One other thing crosses my mind. I wonder if a lot of this reaction to one of my posts is really a delayed negative reaction to several things I have posted here . . [...] Perhaps, after hashing over previous points I have made, this angered some people and they decided to rid the site of me by trumping-up an accusation."

Er, can we say "persecution complex"?

That was a joke. Or was it?

It seems to me that this is symptomatic of many of your experiences you have described here, such as the sexual harassment accusation against you in your workplace. Specifically you not perceiving how other people perceive you, or misjudging how they will react to something. Well, you could point out that if they're wrong about what they think, then that's their fault (and it's true that jumping to conclusions is a really bad way to understand the truth about something), but whether it's their fault or not, you're the one who gets the brunt of their reaction, aren't you?

And if this keeps happening to you - and not other people - the only way to understand why is to observe and take note of exactly what the differences are between you (and others who "get shit" for things) and those others. Or simply accept that you'll piss people off for the rest of your life. Maybe that works for you, maybe you think that the people who get pissed off that easily aren't worth the effort for you to pretend not be yourself all the time just to make them happy.

One thing that won't work is to try to defend yourself. You're only trying to shift the blame from yourself to those who are upset with you. After you insult someone, if you then say they're stupid for being insulted (i.e. "you were wrong to take it that way"), do you think that make them feel better? I don't consider being called stupid to be a compliment.

You insulted or offended someone. Doesn't matter if you meant to or not, whether they misunderstood or not, that's what you did. That's where things stand. You can either apologize or insult some more.

And for the record, I thought your post was hilarious.

 Respond to this message   

  1. Well, Thank You, John! - Bob on Oct 21, 2005
    1. Perception - John Bayko on Oct 23, 2005
      1. No Prob - Bob on Oct 25, 2005
        1. Re: No Prob - peter on Oct 26, 2005
          1. Would you say that? - Bob on Oct 26, 2005
            1. Re: Would you say that? - peter on Oct 26, 2005
              1. Good for You - Bob on Oct 27, 2005
                1. Re: Good for You - peter on Oct 27, 2005
                  1. But, You are - Bob on Oct 28, 2005
                  2. Re: But, You are - michaela on Oct 31, 2005
            2. addendum - peter on Oct 26, 2005
            3. Blame society - John Bayko on Oct 27, 2005
              1. To a Point - Bob on Oct 27, 2005
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