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No Prob

October 25 2005 at 8:12 PM
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Bob  (no login)
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Response to Perception

As they say, "A life unexamined . . "

Personally, I prefer to look at what people DO rather than what they say. Some of my female co-workers were willing to discuss these male-female issues with me . . some weren't. The latter group may have had such strong feelings themselves about things that they couldn't see me as anything but a chauvanist "pig." (kinda like this site! haha) They really didn't care what I thought and felt, and said so. I just let such people slide on past.

Those women who were willing to talk with me tended to be of two varieties: a) Happily-married women who didn't harbor negative feelings toward men and didn't think they had committed any slights against me or other men. They were willing to listen, then shook their heads in bewilderment and finished with "Well, if you ever feel that I have mistreated you for any reason, please let me know."

Then there was b) Women (either currently divorced or unhappily married) who had a lot of their own emotional baggage and were critical of men and tended to think the criticisms (and discrimination) were deserved. One positive about my discussion with these women was that it did give me the opportunity to see situations from their point of view -- that men had mistreated them too, that men had not be quality partners to them, that men as a group often appeared to be low-lifes who deserved to (Finally!) suffer and be mistreated as the women (and women generally) had.

Intellectually, I understood what they were saying, but emotionally . . I hadn't lived their life, I had lived mine . . I hadn't felt that pain, I had felt my own. So, yes, I do process things through my head more and sometimes true understanding requires the "gut."

But, I think I surprised the women by showing that I had been listening. I had questions: Ex -- Why is a man's approach of a woman for dating sometimes perceived by her as coercion? Why can another woman ask them out . . even offer specific sexual activity . . and its not seen as harassing? (Women have told me this --- asked out by other women . . sometimes touched by other women . . but if I man does the same thing . . harassment) Stuff like that -- and stuff like here: Why a female can post something here, but if I post something similar, its a crime. Seems like a sexist double standard to me, in both situations.

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  1. Re: No Prob - peter on Oct 26, 2005
    1. Would you say that? - Bob on Oct 26, 2005
      1. Re: Would you say that? - peter on Oct 26, 2005
        1. Good for You - Bob on Oct 27, 2005
          1. Re: Good for You - peter on Oct 27, 2005
            1. But, You are - Bob on Oct 28, 2005
              1. Re: But, You are - michaela on Oct 31, 2005
      2. addendum - peter on Oct 26, 2005
      3. Blame society - John Bayko on Oct 27, 2005
        1. To a Point - Bob on Oct 27, 2005
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