for example: My father was the "King of the Castle" type. The family home was definitely "his" -- the rest of us lived under his rules and preferences. He decided when a debate would start and when it was over (though 4 kids going through adolescence can wear down the best of them, and he did mellow as he got older). Admittedly, I was afraid of my father growing up: I didn't want to cross him or disappoint him. I did as I was told and didn't expect much praise for doing my assigned chores. I knew it was mine to do and did it. If my father asked anything of me, I did it. My father's wishes generally prevailed. If we had one working TV, he watched what we wanted and the rest of us waited until he was done with it. When my father's cholesterol was high, we all went on his fish-and-salads diet so that he wouldn't feel deprived. My mother was primary "house slave", cooking and bringing my father anything he wanted, but us kids were also called upon to come to change the TV channel while Dad lied on the couch or to fetch anything he wanted. We mostly did as we were told.
But it wasn't all bad. My father was a good provider, and between him and my mother my siblings and I never wanted for anything. We took a lot of fun vacations, especially to the Florida beaches. My father taught my how to do a lot of things, especially home repairs. He and my mother offered each of us a paid college education. My parents were both there in case any of us needed anything.
And, comparing my father to HIS father, I got a good deal. My paternal grandfather was a skirt-chasing drunk who ran around on my grandmother and beat her until she had the good sense to divorce him. He was cold toward his own children and very tight with money for basic things like groceries. My grandmother had to scrape by trying to figure out how to feed her three children, while my grandfather spent money freely drinking in bars and courting lovers. He was emotionally cold toward most everyone in the family, including my father. My Dad just wanted to have a Father-Son relationship with his father, and he treated my grandfather much better than he deserved -- basically my parents were the only ones who still kept in close touch with him in his elder years..
I'd say the best experience I had with my grandfather was when he invited me to stay with him at his rooming house -- one little 9' x 14' room in a depressed part of town. It was like an adventure, so I agreed. I saw cockroaches there. He took my down the street to some bars (I was about 12, I think) to, as he put it, "show you the other side of life." My grandfather told me, "You are growing up in that sheltered suburb. You don't know what life is really about, how rough it can be. I'll show you, so you will know." He took me in some pretty rough places, filled with skid-row types, alcoholics, prostitutes, the homeless and the penniless. These people scared me, but looking back that was a worthwhile lesson on what to avoid.
Sorry this is going so long, but I just wanted to add that I have not been the "punitive bill-payer" that I once saw my father as. I didn't want to be like that, especially after my divorce and the guilt feelings surrounding that. So, I indulged my sons and didn't brow-beat or try to intimidate them. I didn't force them to do much (had my ex and my mother badgering with with, "Don't make them work. You only see them every other weekend. Make it pleasant for them.") The result? My children don't seem to mind if anything bothers me or if I disagree with their decisions. They don't seem to care that I am toiling hard and need help, but find help hard to get. As a child, I would NEVER have allowed my father to burden alone -- my place was beside him, lightening his load. My sons, by contrast, seem to think all work is their Dad's responsibility, and that their jobs and/or school justify their lack of assistance to me. This past week, I told Joseph, "I wish I had a son like I was a son". He just looked at me and said nothing.
So, long-windedly, I am trying to point up that the traditional male role includes a lot of things, especially being an example and teacher to the child in how he should be and do. Sometimes lessons need to be firm or even harsh, and I wish now that I had been more strict. On that count, I don't know that I have been as successful as my father, or even as his father.