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Braless as a Means of Control

January 8 2005 at 12:20 AM
William  (no login)

 
Both in fiction and in real life, I have heard/read about men in abusive or kinky relationships who forced their wives to go braless.

For example, In the movie Sleeping With The Enemy, Julia Roberts' character was forced to go braless by an abusive husband.

Dorothy Stratton, who was murdered by her husband, had to go braless on his say so.

I've also read a book about a couple in a hard core D/S relationship (fictional), in which the man forbade his wife to wear a bra.

My point being, rather it's real or fictional or abusive or consensual, is there something about male dominance in which he wants the woman to do this?

 
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Can't generalize

January 8 2005, 12:45 AM 

I suppose there are some like that. But then there are many who are zealously jealous and refuse to let their wives go braless because they are afraid it will attract other men. So you can't really generalize about something like this.

 
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Pat
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agree

January 8 2005, 1:01 AM 

I agree totally with Nat. There are way many more men who conservatively restrict what their wives wear, rather than coerce them into shedding a bra. Another thought is that for many women, when they get home from work the first thing they want to do is get rid of that bra. Thus, its a comfort and health issue in more cases than it is a power issue.

 
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(no login)

In my case

January 11 2005, 12:59 PM 

My husband didn't really force me to. When asked he simply said he thought it was sexy. If had clung to my bras, I'm certain he'd still have been the same Jon. With us, it was a preference not a demand or order. Just as I prefer certain perfumes, he prefers me (and other women for that matter) bra for aesthetic reasons.

But, I will say that my willingness to please is a part of why we got married because of the situation surrounding his military service and my desire to live in the country and stay at home. I think that going braless was a part (small or otherwise) of the big picture. He did not previously want to be married until much later in life. He felt (feels, actually) that he should be able to home and provide and be a part of our day to day lives. And because of the global mess, he is rarely home for long but when he is It's great for all of us. We often dream of the day when he rotates off this assignment and maybe gets a PCS to admin, instruction, or someother nondeloyable duty. Until that day, going braless has kinda became a support thing :<) (Unintended, I promise)

I have been around, and Jon has served with for that matter, those kinds of "abusive" husbands. But, at least in a few cases, he has been able to help them to learn better ways to lead a family. So, I guess I'd agree with him, many times it is more an issue of teaching the guy(s) to deal differently with things.

C-ya'll,

Jessica

 
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Tina
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Willingness to please

January 11 2005, 3:25 PM 

For me I think willingness to please when being in a new relationship played a big part in me going along with his requests. These days it is just the expected norm and I'm pretty comfortable with that.
My hubby has gone commando on a handful of "special" occasions but you could never tell unlike some of the clothes I wear for him.
I must admit I feel proud when I see other braless women when we are out in public.

 
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michaela
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Pride

January 11 2005, 6:36 PM 

I saw another blafree gal at the Barnes and Noble book store the other day. She was wearing a loose fitting t-shirt and so was not flaunting or obvious about it. I was glad to see it all the same. It seems like it is a rare thing to see a brafree woman anymore. I sure don't see many.

 
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fashiondreamer
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Others

January 14 2005, 9:28 PM 

I am glad you are seeing them. Many women feel they are alone till they find this Forum.

 
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someguy
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Re: Willingness to please

January 25 2005, 2:07 AM 

You know I grew up in the 60's and 70's and the bra burning days etc. and I never cared if a women wore a bra or didn't - I've always felt it's your body, your choice....

My take has always been you do what you want - if I find it attractive you'll know - if I don't I won't say anything ....and you'll probably know that i find it unattractive by my body language ... but ultimately whether we are dating or not -- it's the women's choice to (course if she asks me -- well it's still her choice but she will get an honest answer )

 
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JB
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controlling men

January 8 2005, 12:16 PM 

There are men like that, whether it is making the wife go braless or telling her she can't have friends or that she can't work. I don't think there are too many of the latter now.
Perhaps a man like that has a belief that going braless is somehow demeaning and since he wishes to demean the woman, that is how he does it. After all, it leaves no marks or bruises.

 
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Or-

January 8 2005, 1:38 PM 

Or the man could be very proud of his wife's breasts and enjoys showing them off.
Like driving around town in a shinney new car to impress your friends.
There's no figuring out something like this.

 
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JB
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Re: or-

January 10 2005, 9:38 PM 

There is a big difference though. A car is a thing, it is property, women are not.

 
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Re: or-

January 10 2005, 9:49 PM 

Valid point, but men are as proud of their women as their cars.

If you have a date with a pretty woman, you like to show her off.

It's a male ego thing.

 
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Good Intentions

January 11 2005, 1:02 PM 

Often, as Nat stated, It's a well intended "male ego" thing. They are proud of you. Take it as a complement and you will look even better. (Being mad at him and the resentment that accompanies is NOT usually an attractive thing. )(Mad can be cute depending.)

It is often all in how you look at things.

Jess

 
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fashiondreamer
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Objets

January 14 2005, 9:32 PM 

All too often women ARE seen as objects - see comments about hood ornaments above

 
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Tina
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Similar Story

January 9 2005, 2:36 PM 

I found out pretty quickly after we started going out that my now hubby expected me to go without a bra (and other things) at all times. We've been together for eight years now and it can be a constant challenge depending on what I'm wearing and what I'm doing. The most embarrassing part for me is the fact that everyone in our circle of friends knows about this because a previous girlfriend had blabbed to them about his rules and it's not hard to tell that I'm always braless, especially when it's COLD !

 
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Re: Similar Story

January 9 2005, 3:24 PM 

Why not tell your "friends" how grateful you are that your BF introduced you to the comfort of brafreedom. Perhaps they should try it.

 
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Pat
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turnabout

January 10 2005, 9:06 PM 

Perhaps turnabout is fair play. It would be interesting to hear his reaction to your demands that he go "commando" and also wear pants that are, in the words of a famous rock star, "tight enough so they can't just tell your sex, but also your religion."
I still think that a poll would show that a higher percentage of men try to make their wives wear bras than try to make them go brafree [and it is a particularly tragic situation with women that have fibrocystic pain]. But the point is well taken that breast freedom is the freedom to wear or not wear as one wants.

 
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Accommodation

January 10 2005, 9:35 PM 

Well this is a tricky thing. I think when a couple marries there is certain compromises they make to each other's tastes. Just as in love making, one partner may have certain 'turns-ons' (fetishes) that his partner is willing to accommodate. I think this can go for dress and appearance too- a certain hair style or fashion. It's just hard to say what is a reasonable accommodation and what is over the line.

 
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JB
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Re: turnabout

January 10 2005, 9:40 PM 

Pants tight enough that one can tell that the coin in your pocket is a nickel and not a quarter?

 
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(no login)

Lighter Side

January 11 2005, 1:05 PM 

On the Lighter Side of This:

As a "condition" of my going braless (or rather staying in my case), I asked Jon to go commando. He agreed. I never much cared and it was short term but I'd say that this fact helped conveince me to give it a whirl, so to speak.

Jess

 
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JB
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it kind of makes sense

January 11 2005, 6:00 PM 

It kind of makes sense that if he asks you to go braless, you would ask him to do something too, even if it (commando) doesn't really do anything for you.

 
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Reciprocation

January 11 2005, 7:18 PM 

Well that's the point- it should be a two-way street.
A man should be as willing to accomodate his girl's special preferrences whenever possible.

 
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JustMe
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My experience

May 25 2011, 12:36 AM 

I am divorcing my husband of 22 years. He always treated me bad unless I went braless. I hated it. I told him that it would be like him wearing a nice suit without socks (but with shoes). He never got it. I think that it's up to the person who wears it...

 
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Welcome to the Potpourri- six years late

May 25 2011, 12:31 PM 

Well "JustMe", welcome to the Potpourri! Nothing like flashing back to 2005 to bring back some memories. I agree you shouldn't be forced to go braless if you don't like it. Many women do, my wife did back when it was fashionable in the '70s and '80s but that fashion is long gone and today's young women wear bras with everything- even casual clothes that were meant to be worn brafree- they don't care if the tacky bra straps show.

In any case, now that you found us I hope you will stay- we talk about everything here- from bras to politics.




Thrilling Discussions: POTPOURRI

 
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Funny, Nat

May 25 2011, 1:57 PM 

This thread was before my time here, but I'm pleased to see that someone other than myself compares women to cars. In my experience, women either resent the comparison or just shake their heads as if it makes no sense.

But it does make sense. As you noted, most men like or love cars, just as we do women, so it seems natural to compare the two. We have preferences in cars, and in women. Or, think of it another way: I really loved pets that I owned, but I know better than to compare my wife or gf with a beloved pooch!

I used to tell women: "When you decide to have an affair, you are dissatisfied with your relationship, so the affair really is a threat to that relationship. But for men it is different. A man can fool around with another woman and still feel content with his wife. It's like cars: a man can be excited to see a nice sporty car, and want to drive it, or maybe even take it for a spin. But that doesn't mean he wants to get rid of his Chevrolet ibn favor of the sports car. The Chevy has served him well, he has some fond memories associated with it, and it is economical for him. So he stays with his comfy Chevy, and with his comfy wife." Women don't tend to concur with this point of view, as evidenced by Maria Shriver.

As for the topic: My preference for bra-wearing or going braless depends upon the woman. Some women look good going without a bra, while others don't. If a woman is heavy or pendalous, she needs the support and control of a bra and doesn't look good without one. Small-breasted women, on the other hand, usually look fine braless (unless they are so flat-chested that they look like a boy -- then at least the illusion of breasts provided by a bra can be a good thing). Compating this to men: I would think women might like to see a very fit guy going commando, or wearing a Speedo, but would not care to see an obese or emaciated guy revealing anything.

 
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Funny, Bob

May 25 2011, 3:15 PM 

Well I think it's the nature of women to be more monogamous, perhaps because until recently they felt more dependent on a man. It's probably no coincidence that as women have become more liberated and self-sufficient career-wise they seem to be get more polygamous.

As for brafreedom, I don't mind some sag and movement- it's more interesting than phony artificially firm breasts in a bra- the fact is- when they are in a bra you don't know what you are seeing- the bra could be filled with old gym socks for all you know. Of course naturalness can be over-done and when they hang like cantaloupes in a gunny sack it's time to strap on a bolder-holder.

At least it more fun talking about boobies than politics. wink.gif

 
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nicky
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Re: Braless as a Means of Control

January 12 2005, 2:55 AM 

<<My point being, rather it's real or fictional or abusive or consensual, is there something about male dominance in which he wants the woman to do this?>>

I don't want to speak to male dominance, but I suspect a lot of women being "forced" to go braless are searching for permission to do so.I also believe it is the same reason wet t's and flashing are so mainstream (and oh so American).

I remember a few years ago on 'talk of the nation' npr the discussion was breast feeding and the show was inundated with calls from women expressing frustration that in american society we lack permission to let our breasts be seen.I listen regularly and I have never heard a host admonish the callers to keep the calls on topic but he had to do it 3 times.I can still hear suarez' voice in my head."Anytime we get half as many calls on a subject I promise we give it a full hour, but PLEASE today the topic is breast feeding...."

True to their word they had a wonderful discussion about being brafree and topfree in America.They had calls from women sharing their stories of being topfree and some great guests(could have even been the breast book gals).It was very uplifting but also kind of sad because it was obivious that most women felt there is a true lack of space, that being topfree required either long travel, elaborate discreation or 'whoa look at her!'

My point is perhaps a woman being commanded by her husband to go braless is getting the ultimate permission.Same with wet t, take your shirt off any other night and it's 'what the hell?' Even on the beach where I feel the most comfortable going topless i always get a few looks that say 'who told her she could do that?'

 
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Interesting point

January 12 2005, 3:25 AM 

Interesting point Nicky. Yes, I can see how a woman whos husband opposes brafreedom could look for (and even contrive) an excuse to justify it- like 'accidently forgetting' to pack her bras for a vacation trip- and oh well- under the circumstances, hubby will understand if she just goes without. And ofcourse, once the taboo is broken, it is much easier to continue breaking it.

 
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fashiondreamer
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NPR

January 14 2005, 9:36 PM 

Well even getting it aired on NPR is something - uplifting (; as you say. Were all the calls, for it?

 
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