Some of my female co-workers are good chums that I am now having lunch with daily. One of the ladies is unhappily married and hints that she would like to divorce her husband and date me. Problem is, the woman is considerably overweight. A nice person, for sure, but not really my type physically. I've made enough general comments that it is known that I'm not attracted to big women. Today, one of the women says to me, "You know, Bob, you have a problem with larger women. Why are you like that?" I responded that I used to be much worse in that regard, as all of the people in my immediate family were slender to medium build, including myself, and I had grown up assuming that people are heavy because they are gluttons. But, I added, now I know that is not true. Also, as I picked up weight myself in my middle years, I have been on the receiving end of others' comments about my weight and I know how that hurts. "Exactly," said the woman, "and everyone has a heart . . you know?"
Well, I do, and I don't. Yes, I think some really terrific people are plus-size, and many through little or no fault of their own. Some people really are "built that way." And I might indeeed be happier and involved with a very nice lady if I could get over that "hang-up". Yet, my decided preference is for slender women -- the very ones that are least likely to give me what I want or need from a relationship, either because they aren't interested in return and/or they know their stock is high and anyone that is lucky enough to be with them should know it doesn't come cheap.
And yet, I still want to find my partner attractive and exciting to be close to. What is the point of an intimate relationship if you don't want to be . . intimate? Does anyone else have this issue?
I'm afraid I'm guilty of this too. Perhaps because I've always been on the slim side- downright skinny as a kid, so I'm more comfortable with people more like me. And while it's true some people are genetically predisposed to be fat, for most it's behavioral- people just eat too much! Look at today's menus- "Big Macs", "Quarter Pounders","Whoppers", "Big Gulps"- and the standard 1960 hamburger is now only for kids. Well all those extra calories have to go somewhere.
Yes, I think that could be a slight factor. I know she is taking comfort in food and drink. But the larger issue is that she is just a big girl . . . just built that way. My ex-wife was the same way. I, on the other hand, have no such excuse. Until my 40's, I was under 200 lbs. I could eat twice as much as my ex-wife and maintain my weight, but she would gain weight. It was very fristrating for her (and me too).
But by my mid-40's, I was up around 240, and a few years after that I hit my high of 276 lbs. My build was always slender before (people still tell me they are surprised that I weight as much as I do), so there is no good reason why I should put weight on like this. I think it would be more accurate to say that MY weight gain was more about unhappy eating/drinking than thqat the ladies did that.
The problem for me is: Why is it heavy women who usually have interest in me, and not the slender women I prefer? And, can I find a slender woman with a "heart of gold", or is that reserved for the bigger girls? A woman can look great and be a witch on the inside, and I surely don't need that.
I've heard the mistake adults make is continuing to eat as much as when they were young, but as you age your metabolism slows and you need less calories so the excess is just turned to fat. And once fat cells (adipose) form they are hard to get rid of. Dieting may shrink them down but they are like sponges ready to soak up excess calories again. This is why some people have to resort to liposuction to actually remove the cells.
Most women prefere or are more comfortable with some one or a little larger or taller than they care, it covers the fact they are heavy, tall or if they extreamly short, they would like someone closer to their hight
" . . if they extreamly short, they would like someone closer to their hight."
I have seen many short and/or petite women go for much taller guys (I have benefited from this as well -- while not exceptionally tall, I am taller than average). Part of this may be (per watching science documentaries) that females instinctively select mates who genetic make-up compliments their own. So, a short/petite female may prefer a tall/big male so as to improve chances that their offspring would be taller/larger than if she mated with a short/small male.
Maybe that is why I have tended to attract larger-sized women. Until the past 7-8 years of my life, I was reasonably slender -- built that way, with long, slender arms instead of the big/muscled arms some guys have. So, heavy women may tend to prefer a thin mate to increase chances that her offspring might be thinner (than her anyway) as well. But even after I put on all this weight, I still tend to attract the big girls -- could it be that society has told big girls they aren't desirable, so they go after who they think they can get? You do see heavy set couples . . . maybe they are both going for who they can get.
Small women have told me that they like being with a big guy who can defend and protect them. They feel safer with such a man as compared to a shorter/smaller man (which I think was Marv's point: females feel more feminine when beside a taller heavier male than themselves. Maybe this is also why tall women tend to couple with taller men, to still feel feminine).
The persons that really stand to lose in all this are very short men (say, 5'5" or shorter). Years ago, John Stossel on the ABC News program, "20/20" did a story of short men and dating. The men said they had a very difficult time even getting a date. The program included an experiment in which women were shown line-ups of men and asked to grade their desirability for dating. The short men always scored low, even if they were otherwise attractive . . . even if the profiles given to the women described the short guy as very educated, a high-earning professional . . while a tall man was described as a laborer. The women all preferred the tall laborers over the short professionals. When asked about their ratings, the women always noted, "He's so short. I couldn't see myself going out with him." (Guess I didn't lose on all criteria. Poor short guys!)