A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE MEASURING 4.8 ON THE RICHTER SCALE, HIT IN THE EARLY HOURS OF MONDAY 23RD SEPTEMBER 2002 EPICENTERED ON DUDLEY, WEST MIDLANDS
Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering : "Yam Orwight?", "Boing Boing" and "Bostin". The Earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish costas were damaged.
Three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were disturbed
Many were woken well before their giro arrived. Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting has happened in Dudley.
One resident, Donna-Marie Dutton, a 17 year old mother-of-three said "It was such a shock, little Chantal-Leanne came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."
Apparently though, looting did carry on as normal.
The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos.
* HOW YOU CAN HELP
This appeal is to raise clothing and food parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in it.
Clothing is most sought after. Items required include: -
Food parcels may be harder to put together but necessary all the same.
Required foodstuffs include: -
Faggots
Grey Peas
Pork Scratchings
Tripe and Onions
"Pigs Blood Pud"
Banks's Bitter or Mild
£2 buys chips, scraps and blue pop for a family of four
£10 can take a family to Stourport for the day, where children can play on an
unspoiled canal bank among the national collection of stinging nettles
22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim
Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of "posh" housing is unfair on the population of neighbouring areas of Gornal, Oldbury and Sedgley.