Manchester Utd Manager, Alex Ferguson, has secretly met with United's Board and delivered his transfer target list that has been described as 'radical' and 'truly innovative'. The transfer window opens in January and Mr Ferguson is keen to sign up a number of 'well known personalities', which include:-
(1) George Michael "Martin Edwards feels that George has been going in the wrong direction i.e. the mens toilets, when he should be in the ladies with him. This guy has got potential" Explained Sir Alex.
(2) Jamie Theakston "Young guy, shows good potential. Could show me a few things about excecutive type clubs and making passes. He's not afraid to get in the box, bit like meself"...quivered Heir Ferguson
(3) Len Fairclough "Well known for his swimming stroke" Said Mr Ferguson.
(4) Clayton Blackmore "Many people will think why re-sign Clayton again ? Well the lads' record speaks for itself...this guy was top class in the assault stakes and even I could take a leaf out of his book" Cried Sir Alec.
(5) Paul McGrath "Again another guy we are seriously looking at getting on board again. Not fantastic in the assault league but his redeeming feature is he can f****** drink even me under the table. AN INSPIRATION" Bellowed Fuhrer Alex
Mr Ferguson added "It's just a question of money really. We are prepared to offer 55,000,000 quid for the lot however we understand they are only looking for a fee of 200 quid for the lot. This could be a problem but hopefully we will be able to reach a compromise of around 60,000,000 quid." Crowed Old Trafford's most wanted before departing to Cheetham's Gold Members Lap Dancing Club.