Lanarkshire Health Board has launched a consultation document proposing that the Cumbernauld Central Clinic out of hours service be moved to Monklands.

I guess the savings will help to pay for the new Scottish NHS 24 hour helpline service, which is apparently costing around £30-40 Million so that hundreds of doctors and nurses can provide advice on the phone - er, maybe like this:
"take a nice sharp kitchen knife, run it unner the tap, and cut gently into your tummy just to the left of your navel - the pink bloated wee thing is your appendix. Cut it out quickly - remember to mop up all the blood with a clean towel - and now get a needle and thread to sew your tummy back again......"
Fantasy maybe? What do you think?

You might want to try the "right" side of your tummy. The left of your navel will reveal no appendix.

whit is it coming to-but yer right rob; my wife works as a carer she used to work for the nhs now she is with a private company doing the same job in the same hospital for twice the wage she used to get; can any-one tell me how that makes sence;
the agency was small when she started six yrs ago now they have expanded to a massive company and all paid for by us mugs----;why----who thought this idea up; millions of pounds of tax-payers money thrown away for what; to keep some people oppressed?--double all nurses wages to-morrow and they will all come running back and save the country a fortune no---too --simple like me-perhaps-----gr gr gr-------call the doc quick ; i think i;ve goat distemper; yelp------

Yes, thats just the problem doctor, you see what is the right side to the pairson on the phone is the wrong side to me, and vice-versa - its all how you look at the flipping thing....and by the way bow wow, whats this goat-like affliction you might have, could it have crossed species do you think in this terrible era of chicken flu, badger TB, monkey HiV and the mouth and foot nastiness?

Do you think I should stop sleeping with my stuffed pooh bear, by the way, at least for a wee while, or would a prophelictic do the job??

listen stop trying tae bamboozle me wi big words--it wis the academy not glasgow uni i attended; if this machine was joined up writing i;d be watchin the telly; the doc say;s as much exercise as possible and at present this is my streach but i;ve nae time to look up big words; your lucky it;s a stuffed bear i;ve to throw the dog a bone tae get into mine--but they say that viagra does wonders for ol---d dogs my appointment is in a fortnight----woof-woof;