Kids and bulliesJanuary 13 2009 at 2:43 PM
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John VanCleve (Login jvancleve)
from IP address 22.214.171.124
What are some of the techniques you use when a child is being physically bullied and the school is clueless. Down here in the burbs if kids get into a scuffle, outcome the lawyers and psychiatrists (No offense to either profession). They treat a little childhood fight like a major assault and the police have been called on fourth graders.
When I was a kid if you were bullied either you would fight or you just got beat up, boys will be boys. We would fight and all they would make you do is shake hands or ask who started it and that kid had to apologize, do detention, or clap erasers. No severe penalties, mom, or dad did not have to come to the school, Dad would put a bag or frozen peas on your face and ask, Who won?
The easy answer is for a kid to just lay knuckles on one of these little creeps but that is unrealistic in todays litigious society where everyone fears a lawsuit so the school and the parents have to cover their rear ends. They treat every problem like a potential Columbine and every kid that throws a punch like a Jeffrey Dhamer in the making so no one will go out on a limb for the kid. It was easier in the 70s because you would just duke it out and if you lost, at least you tried and got some respect.
Some teach the kids to agree with the bully when they humiliate them in front of their peers or pretend to get sick or make jokes and other strange things just to avoid getting physical. No offense to the anti-bullying programs out there but do we want to raise a generation of wimps that just accept abuse?
I believe that the biggest damage a bully does is psychological. The bullied has to deal with fear and feeling inadequate especially boys because our gender calls for being manly and that does not include being made to look spineless. If you look at the power of emasculation just look at the amount of time when men call other men B***H when they get hostile (sorry for the language). Before, only adult women called each other that.
However, the reality is that fighting will produce major consequences for these kids. Bullies do not obey the rules but good kids are afraid to get into trouble so they do not fight even though they know how.
I have a kid that is good at karate and can fight-the kind that spars every day. He can certainly handle himself but he is afraid to get into trouble and the parents do not want him to fight and the school is clueless so they ask me what to do.
I told them that they have to get the school involved. They do not want him to fight because they will be sued on he will be expelled so that is not an option and the school is afraid to do the wrong thing so they remain neutral to avoid accusing anyone.
This kid is left hanging and I do not know what to tell him that is sincere. I can tell him that it does not matter what anyone else thinks and youre a good person but we know that is lip service and does not do anything for what this kid faces every day.
We are adults and we can deal more effectively with this, and we are not exposed to the bully everyday as these kids are in school. They have to go to school so they have little choice. They have to walk into spirit crushing circumstances where everyone is afraid to help them and their fear and humiliation is entertainment for the other kids.
It is sad that good kids that want to do the right thing have to deal with this nonsense just to get an education.
Let me know what techniques you use.
- Re: Kids and bullies - Gary A Brewer aka BGile on Jan 13, 2009, 2:51 PM
- Tough one, John - Michael Miller on Jan 13, 2009, 3:22 PM
- Re: Kids and bullies - Maurice A. Gomez on Jan 13, 2009, 3:49 PM
- Re: Kids and bullies - Anonymous on Jan 13, 2009, 4:15 PM
- Great Post and Question - LaValle Bullard-Muhammad on Jan 13, 2009, 4:34 PM
- The answer is actually very easy. - David Arnold on Jan 13, 2009, 4:48 PM
- Thanks everyone - John VanCleve on Jan 13, 2009, 6:44 PM
- My Kid .... - Anonymous on Jan 13, 2009, 10:05 PM
- It is pretty simple - john on Jan 14, 2009, 7:05 AM
- Gangs and bullies - Gary A Brewer aka BGile on Jan 14, 2009, 8:16 AM
- Perfect - Michael Miller on Jan 14, 2009, 8:56 AM
- Yep Thats Simple! - David Arnold on Jan 14, 2009, 10:31 AM
- Not simple - Gary A Brewer aka BGile on Jan 14, 2009, 12:00 PM
- Agreed John (n/t) - Jason on Jan 14, 2009, 11:48 PM
- I would like to help - david - counterstrike on Jan 16, 2009, 9:43 AM
- I met one of my bullies... - WexKenpo on Jan 18, 2009, 6:34 PM