Tango 5 announces lay offs
SAN JOSE, CALIF, JUNE 24, 2002 - Tango 5 corporation announced it has laid off 15 employees, 100% of it's work force. "Tango 5's committment to it's investors is yet again evident in this cost cutting measure," said CEO and Founder T5 Cook. Tango 5 Inc. filed bankruptcy in Federal District court on July 4th with critics calling this yet another corporate accounting scandal.
"In terms of creating a positive environment for a take over or bail out, I felt it crucial to clean the rank file to eliminate personel operating costs. We simply no longer can afford to have inefficient staff."
Former Tango 5 employees will given $3.82 as part of a compensation package that is rivaled as "one of the best in the country."
On July 4th Tango 5's executive staff resigned including the four founding members, T5 Cook, T5 Blades, T5 Beaver and T5 Hole. The remaining employees received notification early July 5th. Some staff took it hard, but remained optimistic that despite a collasping economy they could find jobs in the US Army as baggage handlers.
When asked about the possibility of a hostile take over Tango 5 acting CFO T5 Farsi responded, "Oh yes, we have been in secret talks with several organizations interested in purchasing Tango 5 in lieu of continuing with our Chapter 13 filing. In fact a select few members of Tango 5's staff might be asked back if Tango 5 is aquired. T5 Beaver, T5 Kikeincords, and T5 Cook all have received lucrative unofficial offers from prospective firms to manage a "new" Tango 5.
T5 Blades filed suit against Tango 5 claiming unlawful job descrimination. "I had a cush position in the bahama's but just before my resignation I was reassigned to Antartica!" Tango 5 quickly settled this law suit by buying him a fancy sports car. "He's as happy as a pig in slop" said, T5 Kikeincords, Tango 5's unnamed accountant at a press release after the settlement.
Will Tango 5 close down on August 1st as scheduled? "That's very uncertain, however our decision to lay off our entire still stands," said acting CFO T5 Farsi. "We are operating today with minimal non-union, underpaid, "scab" temporary uneducated workers. So far they are doing a fine job. Regardless of the future, I don't forsee Tango 5 rehiring any of it's former grunt staff. They are too expensive, when cheaper robotic technology can do the job of 10 of them at one half the cost." said T5 Farsi, acting CFO.
Tango 5 Inc. is the worlds largest bullshit manufacturer. Additional information can obtained at http://www.tango5.com . Tango 5, T5, Tango 5 Inc. are all registered trademarks of Tango 5 Inc. its subsidiaries in the United States and other countries.
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