[SCENE: An orange curtain, covered in glitter, sparkles, and other shiny stuff. A man in a blue tuxedo (also covered in glitter, sparkles, and other shiny stuff) is standing in front of it, grinning widely, his hair slicked back with enough grease to lube up every porn star on the west coast... twice. His smile is even greasier, if you can imagine it. Bouncy 50's infomercial music begins, and continues throughought.]
ANNOUNCER MAN: Say friends! Has THIS ever happened to YOU?
[The scene changes to a GUY in an apartment, watching wrestling. HULK HOGAN comes onto his TV.]
HOGAN: So wha'cha gonna do, brutha, when Hulkamania runs wild on YOU??
[The GUY blinks, and a look of pure terror crosses his face.]
GUY: I... I don't know... what am I going todo? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO??
[The GUY leaps out of a nearby window, screaming insanely. The screaming stops a few seconds later as he hits the pavement with a wet "thud." Cut back to the ANNOUNCER MAN from before.]
ANNOUNCER MAN: Yes, Hulkamania could run wild on you at any time, and without warning, and sadly, most people are unprepared! But we at SysCorpComTech have YOUR best interests in mind!
[He points to you as he says this, still grinning. He holds this pose for a good five seconds before lowering his arm and continuing.]
ANNOUNCER MAN: That is why we have developed the Hulkamania Preparation Kit!
[He steps to the side as the curtain pulls back and the camera zooms in, revealing a metal briefcase sitting on top of a pedestal. The briefcase is adorned with a crossed-out picture of Hulk Hogan's face.]
ANNOUNCER MAN <v.o.>: It contains all the things you need to prepare yourself for those times when Hulkamania comes a-calling! Inside you'll find the following items:
[A text crawl scrolls up from the bottom of the screen as he lists the items.]
Duct tape
Mentos
A vial of Denis Leary's blood
Fifty yards of yarn
A bronze statue of a monkey's head
A 128-ounce container of Tang
Rey Mysterio
A microwave burrito
A pink fuzzy steering wheel cover
The complete cinematic works of Ron Jeremy on Beta cassettes
Powdered lark vomit...
[Cut to downtown Tokyo. Or any big city, for that matter. ANNOUNCER MAN is standing in the middle of the (oddly empty) street, still grinning like an idiot.]
ANNOUNCER MAN: ...and Mecha Geese Howard!
[A fifty-foot tall metal replica of the Ratio-6 SNK boss steps out from behind one of the buildings. A Generic Gundam runs toward MGH, brandishing a beam sword, but just as it reaches MGH, MGH grabs it and hurls it down a side street, causing it to crash into a building and explode for no real reason.]
MGH <synthesized>: PREDICTABLE!
ANNOUNCER MAN: So buy the Hulkamania Preparation Kit today at your favorite retail store, and you'll know what to do when Hulkamania tries to run wild on you!
[ANNOUNCER MAN gives you a thumbs up as the screen fades to black.]
---
The full thread, including all the notes made at the time are at: