As a writer, sometimes it's hard to pin down exactly where an idea comes from, but I've got a theory that things happen in your life that are like a rock dropping into a pool. They later cause ripples of events, attitudes and opinions. Sometimes you don't even remember the event that caused you to feel a certain way. Sometimes you do. My uncle died of a heart attack late last year and as the closest relative within driving distance, I was called by the police to come and take charge of the house, wait for the undertakers (alone in a house with a corpse), contact his son in America, and try to find pertinent paperwork amongst the jumble of dusty stuff in his house. Weird, doesn't begin to describe how I felt. I'd never seen a dead body before, let alone someone I knew. Then there was the business of trawling through someone else's private stuff, looking for a will, bank books, etc, to send to his son. It was only one day out of my life, but it was a day I'll never forget, and I can't even begin to imagine what creative fruit will come of it. That's a happy thought to keep, because the funeral was very sad. Nice to know that Uncle Reg's death, like his life, will mean a lot.
I wondered if you guys had times like that that had left a deep imprint on you, something that you just knew would be important to your life, and maybe your writing as well.

I think you are right Louise. I remember when my grandfather died (a few years after my nana died) and all us immediate family had to travel from all over Australia to attend the funeral and sort out their belongings. As we only had a couple of days to get it all done in, we had to attend the funeral and then the next day "trawl" through a life-time of memories. I have NEVER experienced such raw emotion as those couple of days. Finding my aunty's baby dummy in a little box, seeing the wedding photos they had never displayed. Things like that. All atop of terrible grief for both grandparents. I hope that some thing good and pure will come out of that horrible time.

Louise, that one day out of your life, has given much for the rest of it. Guaranteed! You will be looking back on that event in many different ways, drawing from it a different perspective each time, but always remembering what you first experienced. These are the events in our lives that will teach us more about ourselves. Especially the passing of a loved one. For their passing is never something to be saddened by. Sure, their physical presence to us is lost, but look at what you have gained from that passing, look at the experience he has shared with you.

To experience the loss of a loved one is one thing, but to actually live it and learn to understand it for what it is...that is a gift Louise.

I lost my mother when I was 11, and being the eldest of a family of 5 children, my mother's passing was the single most valuable experience in my life that has been the foundation of who I am today. I believed then that it happened for a reason, I still believe that today. As I look back and recall the events, I do so with a different view each time, because each time I do, I know that I have matured/evolved in my person. I know this because remembering the events through the heart and mind of an 11 year old child is quite different from viewing from the heart and mind of a woman well into her 30's.

Much Love and Light
Sautia

Sautia, firstly welcome to the board and thanks for contributing. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose your mother at such a vulnerable age. My daughter is eleven right now, and just getting ready to turn into a teenager, being influenced by her friends and suddenly needing lots of guidance and love. Your posting made me wonder what it would be like for her if I died and the first thought that came into my head was 'abandoned'. Along with that came a terrifying feeling of insecurity, as though the floor had just disappeared beneath my feet. Not to mention sad on top of that. A very difficult situation for a child to handle. How you've managed to cope with your loss and turn it into something positive in your life is really inspiring. I've come to believe that life is more about our perspective and our attitudes, rather than what actually happens to us, so I 'know' to look for lessons in bad things and be grateful for the opportunity to learn. But 'feeling' grateful for a kick in the guts is quite a different matter and very difficult to accomplish. Perhaps it's the perspective time gives you that allows you to see it as life shaping in a good way. Then again, Sautia, maybe you're just an old soul in a young body Deb, when my grandparents died I was young so my mother had the task of going through their belongings and I know it was incredibly stressful for her. But each of the fifty-odd Grandchildren received a memento (I got a cameo necklace and a rose-pattern cup and saucer that I'd used there as a child), so it was worth it for mum, to make sure we all had something to remember them by. I think that's how she got through it, telling herself she was doing it for all of us. A good way of deflecting grief.

Forgive me Louise, I was rude not to have introduced myself first. But, you and I have met before...through Traci Harding, when on a couple of occassions you visited.

My daughter is now 17 years old, and when I looked at her at 11, I couldn't imagine my life without her, but because of my experience and all that I had learned from it, I knew that if my time came even then, I had done enough up until then for her to get through the next vital years of her growth and development without me. Thankfully, that hasn't happened. But, these are the lessons I have learned and taken from having lost my mother when I did.

I had learned to be of service to others, that I am not the only person in this life, and therefore I am not the most important one. Having said that, I also learned that I could not do for others if I was not looking after myself as well. I learned that the only way to deal with my own insecurities for my children was to prepare them and prepare them well. I'm a strong believer that children should experience all that life has to offer them even at a young age, and with the right support and guidance, we can begin to mould them into fine, strong and quite capable adults. The better prepared our children are, the easier it will be (for parents) to "let them go"...so to speak. Is that not what parenting is all about?

Children who have experienced loss of some kind will learn what it is to mourn that loss, whether it be through friends moving away, a loss of a pet, even the separation of a family home. Sadly, these things must happen to give us the opportunities we need to learn from them. We can wollow in self pity and allow the negative ego to sit in control, or we can view each experience with heart and take from it the positive things that we were meant to. Death and loss maybe as sad and negative as a human being could get Louise, but when we look at the positive (the opportunity for one to evolve and learn), here lies to gift of such experiences. True sadness in any loss is not being able to see and understand that should one pass through such an experience with a lesson of and for the self, then that loss would have been for naught.

Much Love and Light
Sautia

Dear Sautia

You are most definitely not rude. Of course I remember you, how could I forget someone who is so wise I just meant 'welcome to MY board'. So pleased that you're sharing your wisdom with us now as well.

You are too kind Louise. I love the free for all thing you have going here. I'm no writer, but us typical dragons love to obtain knowledge from all around us. As knowledge is free for all, this seems to be just as good a place as any to feed from.

Wisdom? Now there is somewhere I would like to be one day, if only it didn't come at such a price at times! I have heard it said that:

"The difference between a fool and a wise man is that a wise man makes the more serious mistakes, as no one will trust a fool with serious issues".

Sautia

That explains why I'm not wise! I feel like I've led a charmed life, nothing too terrible has happened to me, so that's probably why I'm not a reliable judge of character (I expect everyone to be nice), however, my husband is an excellent judge of character and although at times I've been appalled at his instant judgements on people, he's never wrong. And he had not lived a charmed life. So interesting.

Goodness Louise, I never meant to imply that you are not wise! You have heard the saying "Knowledge is Power"? I have always wondered what that meant. I was never academically inclined, I hated school and my grades were either average or below. But I would look at some of my fellow students and see that for really smart intellgent people they lacked a great deal of common sense and wisdom. Then my father told me:

"Knowledge only has power, if you know how to use it, and used at it's full potential, somewhere in your heart, not your head, you will gain wisdom. Look to the knowledge gained in your heart to feel right from wrong (meaning life experiences), use the knowledge taught and learnt to guide you (meaning academics), then allow the soul to find the true meaning of what that knowledge has to offer."

Just because you haven't had the kind of experiences that your husband or I have had, it doesn't mean you are no wiser. All that tells me is that he and I have had to learn the hard way. Our price has been slightly higher than yours to gain as much as you have. We are all the same in that we are given the same opportunities, and have lived similar experiences, it is what we draw from those experiences, and how we use it that would eventually determine how far down or up the path of wisdom we are. Trust me Louise, I am none the wiser than thee, we just see things differently. Which makes for a wonderful sharing opportunity as I like to think that I can learn just as much from other peoples experiences as I do from my own.

Sautia

Sautia, I am so with you on this. I would much rather learn from other people's mistakes than my own! Seriously, though, it is great to hear about other people's experiences. I lead quite a sheltered life and I like it that way, but to be able to write about a lot of different people and situations, I need to know how other people tick. It's quite remarkable how complete strangers will open up to you when you say you are a writer. It must be like being a psychiatrist. People just tell you their life and their hurts and their joys. I guess because I'm a stranger and there's no judgement on my part, it makes it easier for them to 'download' to me, but whatever the reason I'm always very grateful.

I know what you mean Louise. Sometimes I feel I should be working as a bar tender at times. Often people even strangers make little remarks and comments that would suggest more than just what is on the surface. I like to know what makes and how people "tick" also...not that I am an overly curious or nosey person...just that I feel that it's a way to understand them better. The views and opinions of others matter to me a great deal, as I find I learn more if I could but for a moment, experience a little of life through their eyes.

Sautia