I don't know where to begin. i'm having such a bad time trying to get into the swing of things here. i've managed to write 630 words last week on the direction of the novel.. getting everything back into gear. sadly enough though i can't help but feel sad that i haven't had the opportunity to get more done in my time. i'm feeling so un-productive and don't know where to start writing! My plot so far consists of the parents (now separated) trying new things.. dating new people though both too worried to let the children or eachother know. the thing is, they're still inlove with one another but are too scared to try and patch things up again.. my new plot consists of a run-away teenager- feeling more hate for his drunken/abusive father who does nothing but argues and beats his wife. Its a depressing part of the novel, though i want to express the truthfullness in it. i, myself grew up with parents who were alcoholics.. occassionally abusing my siblings. it was dreadful and although i know it seems very depressing, i really want to get the emotions in this novel right- i want people to read this and say "wow- i can't beleive that piece!"

The run away boy head for the army in England, sending letters to the girl he has vowed to marry when he returns. their love is true and pure, although the drunken parent will hear nothing of it.

this novel is so different now to what i first started writing years ago. instead of it all being first person, i am writing in 3rd person and in each chapter, am writing small paragraphs to see points and happenings through each characters eyes. It's an interesting concept of writing.. a little more time consuming, i'm finding.. though very fulfilling, when i can only find the motivation to write.

I went out and bought a copy of the sequel to Little Women yesterday and have begun reading it. Along with this, i also bought a copy of Jane Austin's Mansfield Park, which i saw the movie to a few years ago now and enjoyed it immensly. the old styles appeal much to me and i do intend to make a novel of it someday.. though for now- i'm honestly finding it hard to find my feet with this piece.. any ideas on how to get around this 'lack'?

Kerrie.

Kerrie, I know we talked about this tonight on the chat, but can I reiterate that I think you're doing the right thing by reading if you can't bring yourself to write at the moment.  Sometimes reading something completely different can clear your head.  The other thing that could be causing a problem is that because of your family history, it could prove very difficult for you to write this stuff.  Particularly if you haven't worked through it emotionally yourself. 

I would say to have a rest from it and try again, but if you're really stuck with it, perhaps you could try to do what Alyson does and write something completely different, maybe something upbeat, a witty Little Women sort of thing, don't worry about research, just let your imagination go.  And that might clear the block and you might be able to go back to your story and tackle it again.  Maybe you're just too close to it (and your own past) at the moment to make any headway.

In any case, please let us know how you go

 

Kerrie

I agree with Lou. Sometimes its easier to write a little bit of something else to clear your mind. You may need what I call a 'sorbet' story. Something light and fluffy and fun that you can happily trot out. I have a few stories that are deeper and darker and I need to be in the right frame of mind to tackle them. Maybe it would be good for you to have two different stories running at the same time that you can flit between.

As for your own experiences, it might be worth trying to write a letter to your parents and your siblings. A letter telling them how you feel with your anger and apologies and worries and hurt - a letter you will never send but that way you can be as forthright and as gramatically incorrect as you like and spill your real feelings. I find this great when trying to unblock something upsetting. You might be able to later use the emotions you let forth in your story.

Kerrie

I agree with Lou. Sometimes its easier to write a little bit of something else to clear your mind. You may need what I call a 'sorbet' story. Something light and fluffy and fun that you can happily trot out. I have a few stories that are deeper and darker and I need to be in the right frame of mind to tackle them. Maybe it would be good for you to have two different stories running at the same time that you can flit between.

As for your own experiences, it might be worth trying to write a letter to your parents and your siblings. A letter telling them how you feel with your anger and apologies and worries and hurt - a letter you will never send but that way you can be as forthright and as gramatically incorrect as you like and spill your real feelings. I find this great when trying to unblock something upsetting. You might be able to later use the emotions you let forth in your story.

Once my hubby applied for a grant to recieve money to edit a script. As required he did a report saying what he thought needed to be fixed. The woman in charge rejectd the application and proceeded to say she rejected it because certian things needed to be fixed - the exact same things we said needed to be fixed. Considering this was exactly what the grant was for ... I was a little upset. Furious and disgusted more like it. So I wrote a 3 page letter and felt much much much better!!!!

I should have said I never sent the letter - best not to burn bridges too quickly - but Is till have it on file and it makes me feel so justified and much much happier when reading it - even now - years later.

Kerrie, I agree with what both Lou and Alyson have said so far.
If your childhood reflects what you are writing in your story you could be digging out feelings, shadows and scars that you have not delat with yet.
As you try to get just the right mood for the scene your own memories may be hindering you because you are not ready to deal with the past yet.

On the other hand, Kerrie if you can manage to write this dark part of your story you may actually find it very cathartic.
Try doing what Alyson said and write a few letters to the family members concerned. Be as angry as you need to be - and as child like. Because the part of you that still hurts is the child within, the child you were when this all happened. So your inner child is the one who really needs to kick and scream and cry and get sulky.
By writing from your inner child you may be surprised at what surfaces. Then later when you can and you feel safe, re-read the letters. They may - as Alyson said - be perfect to let you give that part of the scene real gut wrenching shades of reality.

Try not to let your inablity to write at the moment get you down, Kerrie. It maybe just what the Universe has put in your way to clear some of the past.

take care

deb

i had an 'ok' childhood but i do know what its like to dig through emotions when you write. im a deep and dark person and i am pretty self involved i have really bad axiety at times and i have had mild depression, all this is herditary and its worse to watch your mother suffer from servere depression when your ten and the sight od tears on a mothers face means total doom at that age. my father was never to be seen he only acknowlaged me with b-day and xmas presents and i got to a stage where all i wanted was to be part of his life and not be a reject. never happened but i worked through it. it helps to keep a diary i ahve been suicidal and a diary helps to get through the worst. i ahve to say i disagree with every ones lite fluffy approach im a more head on person and i have battled with problems including my brothers drug abuse all through my teenage years. kerri a great part of these times is you can find out how strong a persion you really are i have put up with crap from school even and come through as a strong person. do you have some one close to you that you trust that you can talk to? i have my best friend and she would listen to me cry and be suicidal as depressing as it sounds i got through it and she has had the same support from me. all i can say is this it is my exprerianced advice and i am more than happy to be a shoulder to cry on kerrie. my email is starysaturn@hotmail.com ...crappy aint it...ive got a book queen one but i never use it point being if u need advice you can email me.