Try not to set up confrontational atmosphere pre game.

Just as various coaches will coach differently so too will refs ref differently. Just so the result is positive and generates what is intended, a fun learning experience for the players.

I have experienced refs at all age groups in every shape, size, gender, and age. We presently have 5 refs that are part of our team. I have coached both genders and mixed, at rec to highest level of women amatuer. My input on what makes a good ref is from my experiences at all levels for many, many years.

In all those games and years I have always made a point of talking with the refs before a game to assure my players are protected to the utmost. It lets the ref know what we expect from the ref and that we will not tolerate dirty play. It is said in a nice way and I obtain their agreement of why we are there as refs and coaches. I want them to know we expect to play soccer on that day and many more days and do not expect injured players due to uncontrolled play.

I do not know how long you have been reffing but dirty play 15 years ago adn before was out of control. My players had ACL's blown out by being intentionally taken down from behind, the best woman player I have ever seen broke her arm by a 2 arm tackle from behind, teeth have been knocked out, one player had 60 some stitches in her face due to a dirty play, etc. etc. That is why I always talk to the ref before a game. I also have never met a ref that refused to talk with me concerning dirty play before a game. I have had refs agree to control games and then let them get completely out of hand. At least I do my part to help assure the game is enjoyable for the player.

I have been very pleased with the efforts of "fair play", red cards for tackling from behind on breakaways, multiple cards to control games, cards for faking injury, etc. FIFA finally realized soccer was being hurt by uncontrolled and dirty play.

By refusing to acknowledge coaches before a game you are automatically setting up a confrontational atmosphere.

Yes, at the highest level everyone should know what the game is and what the responsibility of each component person is. There are not enough good qualified refs to assume that in 98% of all games played that you have a ref that understands dangerous and dirty play MUST be controlled for the good of this beautiful game.