First, I agree with both Roger and Ralph. I have always dealt with any controversy or problems head on. There are so many variables to your situation. I would have a players/coaches only team meeting. The coaches should set the agenda by saying that they want to hear complaints and solutions, and then be quiet and let the players talk. If you have a college close by, contact the coach of the women's team and explain the situation. Ask the coach if he/she has a player or two that could attend the meeting. At the end of the meeting the coaches should leave and allow the players and the college players to have their own dialog. After all of this has occurred, ask the players that are considering leaving to move to one side of the room. Ask each of the players remaining on the team to give each player leaving one, non-soccer related, reason that they would like them to stay on the team.
I would try to establish a mentor relationship with the team and a WOMAN soccer player that the girls can look up to. The conversations between this mentor and any player must be private and respected as such by parents and coaches.
The coach of this U-13 team has to convey to the kids that it is okay to quit if they are truly unhappy, and it is okay to come back if you want too(if there is a roster spot). Don't talk about soccer and chance to win state cup, etc. The coach should make a photo album of their years together and achievements and have all of the players sign it for him/her. If you can afford it, give one to each player. For the players that are considering leaving, ask them to take it home for a few days and think about it. Involve the parents in the project by asking for pictures and tell them that, as the coach, you want them to have something to keep that will remind them of the fun they had as a team. This project will force the parents, kids, and coaches to reflect on what is really important to these young girls; their relationships with one another.
One more thing Pat; look at the last response to your ODP post (page 3 of the forum). You could see this coming. This does not mean that the coach is responsible. The parents, players, and coaches are responsible for letting their team relationship deteriorate to the point that some of the family members are considering leaving.
If some players leave, be positive and supportive. Have tryouts and replace them. Time to move on.
