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Re: New to Narcolepsy
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I haven't really said much about this on the board.. I don't talk that much anyway.. but here goes. Several years ago a friend with N sent me a video of a documentary that I had missed (can't remember what show it was but was on 'regular' tv.. surprise, surprise). There was a young woman that was talking about how she had basically shut down her emotions so she would not have cataplectic attacks..or at least avoid them for the most part. This was truly an eye opener for me because that is when I realized I had done the same thing. I cried for 3 hours after I saw that show, the floodgates opened. I really hadn't quite realized I had done that until I saw that video and not even sure when it began. It's amazing what our minds will do, we may not realize it's happening, for self preservaton (if you want to call it that). I started thinking about my family and how I had shut them out.. everyone except my son .. and even with him, I didn't fully show emotions. The very next day I started calling my siblings.. telling them how sorry I was for locking them out and not being there when they needed me (one had even lost a husband during this time, I didn't have any emotional response for her at the time). Everyone of them forgave me and were just relieved that their 'old' sister was coming back. It took me quite a while to completely open up and go back to the way I was before I shut down.. but I did it. I decided that if a few cataplectic attacks (well, more then a few) was the price to pay to have my family back, it was well worth it. I still get all emotional just thinking about the time lost and hurt I caused with my coldness. Never again will I allow this disorder to take over. I accept I have it and I live with it.. and my family is right there with me. I hope this doesn't sound like I am trying to tell you this is what you experience.. is just what happened to me and letting you know.. you are not alone.