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by Jack (no login)
I hope everyone made through the Thanksgiving Holiday well considering what we go through on a daily basis. I'm having a good day today-- feeling less of the struggle than usual-- what a blessing. I had a recent affair of the heart with someone of the opposite sex and it went so wrong and I see how some of the narcolepsy reared its ugly head and distorted much of what I wanted to go right but really never could. This narcolepsy leaves me so vulnerable to chosing the wrong people--someone more troubled than me who would temporarily want to be around what I am until they saw the whole picture. Narcolepsy has really damaged my self-esteem. And because I suffer a lot with this illness, I am very acutely aware of my emotions and those of others. I tend to get weighed down by my emotions and try to show love in a needy way rather than one of a whole person. It's just hard. I am fighting against solitude and emptiness-- though those are the most restful. The problem is I don't feel like living like that anymore no matter how restful. I know I can't demand of life to give me what I can't have, I just don't feel I can any longer live with what is. I guess I'm bucking life and need the serenity prayer. Wow! Life gets difficult.