I have been feeling some despair as of late. It seems like just about every aspect of my life has changed in some form or fashion since my diagnosis last September. I just started Xyrem a couple of weeks ago, so I've had to change things around yet again. This time I had to tell my employer that I cannot be oncall overnight anymore. They've been accommodating so far, but I'm terrified that this might be the thing that causes them to let me go eventually. Of course it won't be for that reason on paper...
Since my symptoms have progressed over the last three years (prompting me to seek help in the first place), my husband and I have decided that I probably cannot endure another pregnancy an therefore won't have anymore children. We're thankful to have our daughter as she's the light of our lives, but there is still some sadness about not feeling like I can manage another baby. Our families don't understand either and continue to make comments about "WHEN you have another baby..." It breaks my heart over and over again.
I'm trying very hard to keep a positive attitude, but some days, it's impossible. On those days, I allow myself a good pity party. I cry. I scream. I yell. I watch sappy movies so I can cry some more. And then once I'm all cried out, I pick up and move on for a good while again.
Having support from this group and others helps me to move forward. Realizing that I do have some limitations but can still do a lot of things has also helped a lot. I try to focus on things I CAN do instead of grieving over the things that I cannot do. Blogging and interacting with others, whether it is to offer advice or ask for advice gives me a sense of purpose and somewhere to turn at the same time.
I guess my secret to continue on is to write, write, and write some more. Or find some other outlet - something you enjoy doing.
Take care, mate.
Posted on Jun 1, 2012, 2:04 PM from IP address 126.96.36.199