Still think this 'break the wall down' thing is over the top, but who am I to say so? Heh.
by Chimera
>
> chapter 6: time for breakfast
BRANDT <hopefully>: -at Tiffany's, she said I think I remember the film?
SHERL <Emeril>: LET'S KICK IT UP A NOTCH!
>
> Washu decided to have her breakfast in the lab and even got Sasami
[Viper's line below doesn't really work well here. It's obviously supposed to include 'got Sasami to make the stranger some breakfast', but it'd be awkward if we just shoved it in in front of Thief's riff. So I suggest an alternative. -Chimera]
THIEF: Mmm, who wouldn't want to eat Sasami for breakfast?
[Stunned silence.]
THIEF: ...what? Don't they carry slices of that at your local grocery store?
[Even more stunned silence.]
NEW-->
LANCE <over intercom>: Now, that's just nasty. Just for that, I'm rewinding to the start of the fic!
[*Click*]
> imasaS tog neve dna bal eht ni tsafkaerb reh evah ot dediced uhasW
>
> tsafkaerb rof emit :6 retpahc
ALL <agonized>: NOOO!
THIEF: LANCE, YOU FURRY ENEMA EXPULSION, I'MMA BUILD A CHAIR BY RAMMING A BUZZSAW DOWN YOUR THROAT AND WOOD PLANKS UP YOUR ASS, AND GIVE THE CHAIR TO ROSIE O'DONNEL-
LANCE <over intercom>: Haha! Just fucking with you.
> chapter 6: time for breakfast
THIEF: [trembling with rage] Oh, dear sweet fucking lord, I'm going to make him suffer.
ONIKO: Oh, definately! You can use your omnipotent powers on him- oh, you CAN'T! Well, I guess you could always just spend some time with him- OW! OW! Get him off me!
VIPER: And get him angry at us? Some of us LIKE not being dead.
NEW-->
>
> Washu decided to have her breakfast in the lab and even got Sasami
> to make the stranger some breakfast too,
VIPER: Though she had to wear out the batteries of her cattleprod to do it.
> because if he woke up he was
> bound to be hungry after all he had been out for 4 days'
SHERL: But he doesn't need to eat.
ALAIR: Why do you say that?
SHERL: He's an Uber-kid. His body is self-sustaining.
[ALL nod sagely.]
> and his
> vital signs had remained the same all that time,
-->[VIPER holds his hand up to the side of his head, as if on the phone.]
CHANGED-->VIPER <General Streck, miming speaking into a phone>: Yes... yes... tell me if there's any change in his condition.
[VIPER mimes hanging up a phone.]
VIPER <General Streck>: He's dead.
> but what was strange
> was they were the vital signs of a person who was working out in the
> gym.
-->ALAIR: He even had the appropriately sweaty arm pits.
MAX: So his breathing was labored and his pulse rate was high... when he was laying down.
ALAIR: He's already proven that he's a video game nerd. Why should this surprise you?
SHERL: So...his heart exploded, and it kept exploding because of his quick regeneration?
ONIKO: BAD PSYCHIC! NO BISQUIT! [slaps SHERL]
SHERL: Ow. [darkly] Don't do that ever again. Ever. Got it?
ONIKO <meek>: Yes.
> When he was still asleep at noon Washu splased cold water on him
MAX: ...and he promptly turned into a girl.
ONIKO: Girl my ass, he turned into a pig.
SHERL: ...and why is she waking him up so early, anyway?
BRANDT <Stranger, sleepy>: I don't wanna go to school today, ma...
> or at least tried because as soon as it came out of the bucket it
> froze in mid-air and
ALAIR: -punched a hole through Sub Zero's chest.
> became a sign saying 'don't
VIPER: -knock it until you-
> try it!'
ALAIR: I am consistently impressed by the amount of effort he puts into being apathetic.
BRANDT: So our hero is the living incarnation of all Looney Tune cartoons?
VIPER: Hey, it's not his fault he's frigid.
-->[A small mine goes off under VIPER'S chair, leaving him scorched.]
-->BRANDT: Psst, Viper! Baaaad place for puns.
-->VIPER <coughing smoke>: Gotcha.
-->[Technically isn't this just being a smart-ass, not really a pun? -Chimera]
[Then we should kill the retaliation as well. -Cosmos]
> this got
> Washu relly miffed and she went to shake him when the ice became
> water again an soaked Washu,
BRANDT: This is why you avoid playing Mage with a power gamer.
> really stressed Washu yelled "GET UP YOU
> LAZY SON OF A ......"
SHERL: Son of an ellipses?
ALAIR: Gun?
ONIKO <Tim Allen>: Watch out, he might just call you an S.O.G.
> so loud Yosho herd it at the shrine
BRANDT <cowboy>: Whoa thar! Get along y'little scream. [to ONIKO] Gotta 'herd' this here sound to the shrine 'fore evening roundup!
ONIKO: Never a dull moment in your crazy-ass brain, is it?
> and to her
> surprise the stranger turned over and carried on sleeping.
ALAIR: Just stick a pea under his mattress. It works for princesses.
> Washu
> decided to have a soak in the onsen before she caught a cold and she
> decided she would dump him in as well!.
MAX: Because when a mysterious self-insertion author appears in a coma at your doorstep, the first thing you should do is mess around with them.
VIPER: Toss them in the bath, stick their hand in a dish of warm water...
THIEF: Surgically implant a bomb in their brain...
ONIKO: Throw him into where nude women bathe...
>
> chapter 7: bathtime!
>
> Washu stripped bare
BRANDT <Joel as Washu>: I'm so naughty! So naughty I am.
> but decided to leave the stranger fully clothed,
VIPER: Because otherwise it'd turn into a wet t-shirt shoot for Avatars Gone Wild: Uberkid Edition, and I don't think even Thief wouldn't stoop so low.
[ALL make nauseated sounds.]
> "if his phone isn't waterproof, tough!" thought Washu and dumped him
> in the hot spring,
MAX: ...and once again, Washu shows us how out-of-character she can be by turning herself into the icon of pure irrationality.
SHERL: No, no, it's not the irrationality that's out of character. It's the fact that she has yet to hurl him into the heart of a sun to see if he's flame resistant.
MAX: Point.
> and to her surprise he carried on sleeping as if
> someone put a sheet on him, and he even made a smile in the water
THIEF: Give me a fucking break! As much as I respect an insufferably smug omnipotent bastard with no sense of propriety or chivalry, uh... [long pause]
SHERL <grinning>: You're trying to figure out how you're different from him, I gather?
[THIEF headbutts SHERL.]
SHERL <badly dazed>: I stand corrected.
> and
> this really stressed Washu so much she kicked him when she got in!
-->BRANDT <singing>: Drunk Mommy done kicked my head, drunk Mommy smashed my sister, turned my world... blood red, yeah!
NEW-->VIPER <singing>: See a nation needing civilization like a hole in the head. One Race! Today! One Chant! Kick!
NEW-->ONIKO <singing>: It's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do! We were young and we were looking for the deep kick...
NEW-->BRANDT <singing>: All the dreams and promises that we give, we give away. Sometimes you kick! Sometimes you get kicked!
[I made a riff with this very song much later on in the MiST. Therefore I use the shotgun method of offering alternates. -Chimera]
> and she went to kick him again but he caught her foot, while he was
> still asleep.
ALAIR <Geese>: WAY too easy.
> Washu suddenly heard a mans' voice in her head,
ONIKO <voice>: Testing, one, two, three. Testing... Is this thing on?
> "If you
> kick me again or anything else for that matter,
THIEF <Washu>: "Or anything else"? But how will I start our tackle football game with Tenchi!? Damnit man, without an excuse to rub against Tenchi for a few hours a day, do you KNOW how fast we'll start galactic armageddon!?
> then you will be
> sorry, when I do wake up!",
SHERL <Washu>: Oh, psychic, eh? Read this, then.
[SHERL <Washu> strains. MAX <stranger> yelps.]
MAX <stranger>: That's not very nice!
> and with that Washu left him alone all
> day in the onsen (creeping Tenchi out)
FIXED-->THIEF <Tenchi>: Oh dear, Ryo-Oh-Ki's starting to drag bodies in again.
[I thought it was spelled Ryo-Oh-Ki. Or maybe I'm just not otaku enough. Or maybe I've just forgotten my Tenchi. -t.]
[Sighs, and goes to dig out her copy of Tenchi. ...yep. It is Ryo-Oh-Ki. -Cosmos]
> and she finally dragged him
> out he was dry within seconds
ONIKO <wincing>: You know they're uber-munchkins when they can waste their l33t skillz slots on 'Instant Dryness'.
> and this didn't bother Washu at all.
MAX: I get it! This is Bizarro World!
SHERL: Huh?
MAX: Think about it. She's obsessing over his hat and wristwatch, but doesn't seemed miffed when he violates the laws of causality left and right. It's all backwards! The thinking is all backwards!
[Pause.]
SHERL: Please step away from the verge of making sense.
>
> chapter 8: I'm up, are you O.k.?
ALAIR: BUSTAH WOLF!!
ONIKO <singing>: This is mind control, and you know it... this will shut you up, and you know it...
>
> The next morning when Washu came to check on the stranger she
> tripped and as she fell she yelled,
> Washu noticed that she was being
> held a few centimeters from the edge of the table and when she turned
> she saw the stranger was holding her
MAX: Because, you know, Washu's always so terribly *clumsy*. Why, this isn't a cheap ploy for the author to demonstrate his noble virtue. No siree...
FIXED-->BRANDT <grimly>: Sorry, but this monster in a human skin already demonstrated his worth in the bath. Damn you, freak! Have you no semblance of honor, modesty, or a soul?!
ALAIR <staring>: A little harsh there?
BRANDT <sobbing>: Just... just hold me.
[BRANDT clings to ALAIR, who awkwardly pats BRANDT on the back.]
> and this is when she first felt
> the same pang she felt when she first met Tenchi,
VIPER: The same strange desire for chimichangas!
MAX: Not to mention the impending fear of death from Kagato's heat rays?
-->SHERL <singing>: When a maaaaan, meets a mummy...
[I'm thinking the guy who wrote the last one was thinking when Tenchi met Ryoko in the cave... -Chimera]
[I think you're right. Of course, given that series, we could almost find a continuity to fit that riff. -Cosmos]
> she felt as if she
> would melt in his hands if he held her any longer
SHERL <Stranger>: SHINING FINGERS!!
VIPER <Ryoko, poking her head into the room>: See? Told you- you're his love interest.
ONIKO <Washu>: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[ALL make a gunshot noise.]
> and with that she
> stood up straightened her clothes although they weren't creased which
> she noticed,
BRANDT: Though, WHY exactly she cared to notice whether her clothes were creased, we may *NEVER KNOW!*
> then he spoke, "you should be more careful little Washu
> you wouldn't want to injure yourself, now would you?",
ALAIR <Stranger>: Indeed it would be a terrible tragedy if you, or perhaps one of your loved ones, were to meet with terrible bodily harm walking down a lonely street, late one night... Or for some of these dry and crinkly papers to catch on fire. To take a purely random example, of course.
> Washu noticed
> that was the voice in her head
VIPER <singing>: These are the... voices in my head...
ALAIR, ONIKO <Tatsuya Sudou>: VoicesVoicesVoicesVoicesVoices!
[A beat. ALAIR and ONIKO look at each other.]
ALAIR, ONIKO <Tatsuya Sudou>: The voices won't let me off with just arson.
[Another beat.]
ALAIR, ONIKO <Tatsuya Sudou>: You can't run from the voices!
[Long pause. ALAIR and ONIKO just stare at each other.]
SHERL-->VIPER <Mentok>: See, that's not mind asking, that's mind *taking.*
> then she scolded herself for not
> thinking it would be his voice.
SHERL <Washu>: And not one of those other voices in my head.
VIPER <Colonel>: I was driving home the other day when I saw a bright light in the sky...
MAX <Ceres>: He raped me! Stole my powers!
BRANDT <Green Squigly>: Blue Wiggly.
ALAIR <Chris Parton>: There are survivors to the left!
ONIKO <Minion>: 12520 2119 152120!
> Washu's first words were, "how did
> you know my name?",
SHERL: I think mine was "baba" or something.
[A beat]
SHERL: I think.
> and also trying to hide her blushes, the
> strangers reply was "well hello to you too,
[THIEF <Stranger> waggles his eyebrows and gives SHERL a lecherous grin. SHERL stares and quickly darts a few seats away.]
> anyway its a long story
THIEF <Adam>: Long unlike my tiny penis, which caused me to write this story.
ALAIR: Cut right to the root cause, don'cha?
ONIKO: Yeah, he's got a lot of experience with tiny penises.
THIEF: [looking pointedly at ONIKO's naked body] Yep. Sadly true.
> and can I please have my weapons back?,
ONIKO <Stranger>: I feel inadequate without them.
THIEF: SEE!?
> I don't want to seem rude or
> arrogant
VIPER: Too late.
> but there may be an emergancy and I might have to rush off".
VIPER <Stranger>: Not like that ever- [gets a horrified look] We're outta twinkies. LET'S *MOVE*, PEOPLE!
[We should put the "out of coffee" lines from _Airplane!_ here. ;-) -t.]
[If you want to... -Cosmos]
[Hm... might be a bit much. I say we hold off on it. -Chimera]
>
> chapter 9: time to meet everyone
ONIKO <Bruce>: Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce, Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce, Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce.
ALAIR <Bruce>: Is your name not Bruce, then?
BRANDT <Michael>: Uh, no, it's Michael.
ONIKO <Bruce>: Well that's a bit confusing. Mind if we call you Bruce just to keep it clear?
>
> Washu still interested in how he knew her name, enquired about his,
> "To my enemies I'm death,
VIPER: What? You mean like... Bob Death?
> to my friends I'm Adam"
BRANDT <Washu>: And what do non-imaginary, real people call you at whatever grade school you attend?
ONIKO <Adam>: Mostly 'Asstard Cockbreath the III'. And my Mommy says I'm not ready for grade school yet.
SHERL: I can just see that you two are going to be a barrel of laughs.
> was the reply that
> Washugot and she
ALAIR: For those just tuning in, Washu has been joined by her clone that is genetically manipulated to speak in pig German.
> was rather surprised at his wit considering he had
> just woken up from almost a week asleep,
ONIKO <Washu>: Jesus, you were just sleeping. It's not like we were dropping you on your head over and over for the past week!
[ALAIR <Ryoko> whistles innocently.]
> asked if he had a surname
> "asskicker" was the reply,
[Uproarious laughter.]
MAX <out of breath and wiping tears from his eyes>: No- really, what was his last name?
> "cute" was all Washu could say. The next
> person on for Adam to encounter was Ryoko
SHERL: A RYOKO APPROACHES. COMMAND?
THIEF: Fuck.
[SHERL glares at THIEF.]
SHERL: OKAY. YOU FUCK RYOKO. RYOKO TEARS YOUR BALLS OFF AND RAMS THEM DOWN YOUR THROAT, CAUSING YOU TO CHOKE TO DEATH.
ONIKO, VIPER: *** YOU HAVE DIED ***
ONIKO: Do you want your possessions identified?
THIEF: [blinks] Odd, that's not what happened the LAST time I fucked her.
> when she came through the
> wall next to him, Ryoko seemed very keen to introduce herself,
MAX <Ryoko>: There... was... a... time... where I wished... you dead... but I'm... mostly... over... that... now! Well, that's as far as I've rehearsed.
> but
> was rather put out when he said her name before she could.
SHERL: Psychics seem to be a dime a dozen these days.
VIPER: Yeah. Boy, it's a good thing we don't have that problem HERE, huh?
[ALL give BRANDT a sidelong glance.]
BRANDT: What?
[OR, from 'HERE, huh?']
[ONIKO, VIPER, and MAX give ALAIR, SHERLOCK, and THIEF a sidelong glance.]
ALAIR <defensively>: Oh, I KNOW you aren't grouping me with HIM. [points at THIEF]
SHERL: Don't group me with him either! I'm just a perfectly ordinary martial artist anthropomorphic feline thermakinetic mind-reader! Wait, that is kinda weird. Nevermind.
THIEF: [flipping them off] Screw off ya bitch motherfuckers, you can't step to the Original Psychic Gangsta.
MAX: Yeah! You can't step to Tetsuo!
[THIEF bitchslaps MAX.]
[OR, from 'nevermind']
THIEF <leering>: You know, the more you people comedically bicker with me, the more it looks like you're my fiery love interests.
ALAIR: GAH! Unclean! I feel so unclean! [scrubs frantically at her skin]
SHERL: Rrrgggh! Me too! [starts to frantically lick himself]
THIEF: Mmm, that's right, touch yourselves for me...
-->[No it isn't subtle. I'm not feeling subtle at the moment. -Idiotbox]
-->[Sherlock is psychic. Shouldn't he be one of those stared at, instead of doing the staring? -Sherlock]
-->[Well, not unless he came out and introduced himself as 'Sherlock the Psychic'. 'Sides, Alair's psychic too. How else are they going to know? -Chimera]
-->[I'm leaving this here until we see the intro. You never know. -Cosmos]
[Well, given that I'm writing the thing, I s'pose I can probably say that yes, that their psychicness will be revealed, since otherwise, what's the point? So here's a rewrite for ya, Sherlock. -Chimera]
> then
> suddenly she felt for him the same she felt for Tenchi.
VIPER <Ryoko>: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
ONIKO <Washu>: Join the damn club.
ALAIR: Oh lord.
MAX: But then he did the same for Ayeka, and suddenly Tenchi found his life a lot more peaceful.
SHERL: You mean the first episode where she was chasing him through the school, throwing fireballs, and trying to kill him?
BRANDT: I don't think so-
SHERL: Let me dream!
> There was
> silence for a few minutes then Adam innocently said "when's lunch?".
MAZ: But he doesn't want to seem rude!
ONIKO: After breakfast, before dinner, and *just* after brunch.
>
> chapter 10: I'm starving!
ALAIR: And remember that your donations can help feed a hungry author, so please... think of the authors!
ONIKO: Is that supposed to encourage us?
>
> At lunch Adam formally introduced himself to everyone
ALL <Tenchi, Ryoko, Kiyone, Mihoshi, Sasami, Yosho>: Asskicker? AHAHAHAHA!
> and soon found
> he had a few admirers making eyes at him apart from Washu and Ryoko,
MAX: Azaka and Kamidake.
> first Minagi
MAX: Okay, so this *is* based on the Tenchi Muyo manga. Right.
SHERL: You've read it?
MAX: Of course not. Stuff like that's only for lifeless guys who couldn't get a girlfriend to save their life. I mean, yeah, I'm bad... but I'm not *that* bad.
[ONIKO blushes and fidgets.]
> tried to get him to go for a walk with her down by the
> lake at sunset then Kiyone became very flirtitous which incase you
> didn't know was VERY unlike Kiyone.
ALL: Noooo.
ALAIR: Then he attracted the attention of Ryo-Oh-Ki, followed by Noboyuki, and for a brief period of time had Tenchi's attention. His Aura of Smooth's aim sucked.
> later Adam explained how he came
> to be there
THIEF <Adam>: You see, there was this garden... and a talking snake! And I was naked!
[THIEF <Adam> leers suggestively at the others]
ALAIR: ... stop doing that.
> and what his powers were and even demonstrated them.
[BRANDT, ALAIR, and SHERL suddenly scream out in pain.]
MAX: You know, that seems like a bad sign.
ONIKO: I wouldn't have guessed.
>
> Adam's powers incude: The ability to mainpulate the enviroment,
MAX: You mean, like, pick things up and move them around?
> open
> portals to worlds' he's been to, use all aspects of e.s.p. for
> example telekineses,
MOVED-->VIPER <Jack Black>: The power... to move you. <normal> Literally!
ALAIR: ESP stands for Extra Sensory Perception, buddy. Now explain to me how a sixth sense could help move things. Go ahead. Take your time. I'll wait.
> pryokineses,
ALT-->BRANDT: The ability to sour milk at fifty yards. Not fourty-nine. Not fifty-one. Just fifty.
> use all sorts of magic,
SHERL: -afflict poultry.
> summon
> monsters,
VIPER <Adam>: -hear satanic messages hidden backwards in music while it's being played forwards. Believe the politicians, believe them all!
> use materia
SHERL: -hit the Addition EVERY time, even on Shana-
ALAIR: -feel like a nut, though sometimes he doesn't-
BRANDT: -identify the ingredients of the Flaming Moe-
VIPER: -force Sam Raimi to make Evil Dead 4 at gunpoint-
ONIKO: -enjoy Gigli without the use of mind-altering substances-
BRANDT: -watch the deer scene in Iron Giant without crying- [sniffle]
MAX: -dodge the MIAA's 'crackdown' on filesharing- [snicker]
THIEF: -watch Saving Private Ryan without cracking up... I tell you, that was one funny-ass movie.
[Ironically, I've said Thief's line once. Don't say that in mixed company. People misinterpret it. -Chimera]
> (the multi-coloured balls which contain
> monsters and magic)
ONIKO <Red Mage>: Hyper cube!
SHERL <Black Mage>: Summoning orb!
BRANDT <Ash>: What do you mean some guy named Adam made off with my Pokeballs!? How will I combat the prophecied 18th Pokemon Charmaderiel when he descends upon Tokyo-3? Misty's still in her coma!
[MAX clutches his head and shrieks.]
BRANDT: Oh, er, I wasn't supposed to mention that, was I?
> which is on his watch, teleport,
SHERL: Clean those deep, hard to reach spots.
> activate a
> guyver unit (upon hearing this Washu smiled),
MAX: So, he has a big obvious weak spot on his forehead that causes him to be eaten alive by his own armor if you break it?
ALL: Aim for the top! Aim for the top!
> turn invisble,
BRANDT: And then, when he rescues your party, you have to make a sense roll against invisibility, and if you fail then the game just hangs. And it's all his fault!
[I'm guessing the above is a KOTOR riff. If not, then I shouldn't have fixed it. BTW, KOTOR is the shiznit.-t.]
[If so, one has to wonder how a poor orphan gets ahold of an X-Box. Hehe. -Chimera]
> shoot
> harpoons which can open into claws from his hands,
ALAIR: Also known as the Leilei special.
> create smoke
> screens,
ONIKO: -play two paddle balls at once-
> breath fire,
ALAIR: -slow up post office lines-
> freeze objects, sprout wings,
ONIKO: Great, he's a generic Squaresoft final boss.
VIPER: Either that or a Mary S-...no wait, sorry. Same thing.
> shapeshift into
> anything ( this raised a smile on Ryoko's face),
THIEF <Ryoko>: Now to convince him to change himself into a hornet so I can just step on him.
> use all aspects of
> the force (both dark and light, for more info play jedi knights: dark
> forces 2),
SHERL: What would that be, anyway? The Dim Side?
ALAIR: The Gray Side?
VIPER: The Turn A Light On, You'll Go Blind Trying To Read That In Here Side?
> rapid healing,
MAX: He DOES have a mutant healing power! CRAP!
SHERL: Told ya.
> do all the moves that Gouki/Akuma can,
ONIKO <singing>: Twinkie Man, Twinkie Man, does whatever a Shoto can!
MAX <singing>: Riffer Man, Riffer Man, Riffer Man hates Twinkie Man.
> speak with animals, become a half demon, steal souls and duplicate
> others powers just by touch ing bare flesh.
THIEF: Wink wink, nudge nudge...
> He also explained why he
> has many female 'admirers' (when his powers awakened, women were
> suddenly attracted to him,
SHERL: So did he get hit with Male Variant #5 from Tedd's transformation gun, or...?
> upon hearing this Tenchi looked as if he
> was shot),
MAX: Kiyone was never attracted to Tenchi, story! That was always one of her best points, story!
> that he knew many 'explosive' fighting styles
ONIKO: The Incontinent Fist, for example.
VIPER: I think he means running up close to a tank and rapidly hitting the 'Grenade' button.
> and that he
> is half vampire, and didn't have any of the weaknesses but all of the
> strenghts
BRANDT: He could've shortened this whole thing up by saying he was the lovechild of Supergirl and T.G. Cid.
> (this means he's a dhampire)
MAX: Where would he get that idea? D goes into shock if he takes too much sunlight, Alucard melts if he goes into water without the Holy Snorkel.
> and these are to just mention
> a few.
VIPER: It's a bad sign when the list of a character's powers is about as long as a chapter.
ALAIR: He can even get Windows ME to work.
CHANGED==>ONIKO: Holy crap. He *is* a munchkin.
FIXED-->[BRANDT pulls a telephone out of ONIKO's pile of clothes and dials a number.]
BRANDT <into phone>: Hello? Yes, Jack Carver or Kathleen Hale, please.
[And rearranged after the butchery. If you can't figure it out, what I left was Viper's line, followed by Alair's "Windows ME" line, a slightly modified Oniko line, and finally Brandt's fourth-wall-breaking phone call. -t.]
[The sad thing is my computer runs on ME. I also killed Sherlock's line, since you didn't mention saving it. -Cosmos]
>
> chapter 11: no need for that, Ayeka
MAX <Ayeka, singing>: Prepare yourself! Here's the whip of love! I'll correct that slackened heart of yours with... [notices the others' stares and slowly trails off] It's a real song! She really sings it!
ONIKO: Uh huh.
ALAIR: Where? ... just so I know to avoid it, I mean.
SHERL: *One* little reference in a song, and now everyone thinks she's a Belmont.
BRANDT: There's a song about Ayeka killing Dracula?
[SHERL facepalms.]
>
> It had been a very uneventful two days even with the new guest who
THIEF <very soft voice>: -did indeed bring great joy to the house with the glorious cries of sweat-drenched ecstasy and agony from its mouth. But truly, the sweetest sounds the guest made were when it could no longer tell the difference betwixt the two...
VIPER: Remind me to invite the Backstreet Boys over to your house, Thief.
> would always help out saying "since I may be her for a while,
-->SHERL: It should come as no great surprise to anyone to find out he also has a Jusenkyo curse.
> I may
> as well help out and anyway it saves me being lazy, after all I slept
> roughly a week."
VIPER: He would say it at the slightest provocation, again and again. It got very creepy after awhile.
> the very next day Ayeka decided to see if she could
> get Adam to do her chores for her by saying "I'm the 1st princess of
> Jurai, and you are just a commoner, so you must do as I say!,
BRANDT: I sense distaste on the part of Adam towards Ayeka's character.
ONIKO: Heeey, so can I! Maybe I'm psychic too!
BRANDT, SHERL, ALAIR: No, you're not.
> Adam on
> the other hand just turned round and replied
VIPER <Adam>: JOTEBTODLY!! [normal] Ayeka was naturally confused, and decided not to press the issue further. [beat] Actually, that's a good way to get rid of anyone.
BRANDT: But what if they're trying to-
VIPER: JOTEBTODLY!!
BRANDT: ...
> "I'm the prince of the
> underworld and love in the same world, the sultan of sarcasam
VIPER: Oh, I'm *so* impressed.
> and the
> emperor of two realms: the realm of D.Nukem and the realm of
> Ms.Croft,
MAX: Ah yes, behold the master of the realm of the oversized polygonal gun-toting masturbation fantasy.
THIEF: Lara's not a bad piece of ass, either.
MAX: ...
> so put that in your pipe and smoke it! oh, I just
> remebered!
BRANDT <Adam>: I'm also heir to the throne of Essex.
> I'm soon to take the throne of the Garibaldian world,
BRANDT: ...I guess I'm off today.
ALAIR: You wish, Adam... after Babylon 5, he can take your punk ass anyday.
> I'm
> also the royal doctor on Tekkenous" and with that he turned back
> playing cards with Sasami using a deck of beautiful cards with
> pictures of people and monsters on.
MOVED-->THIEF <Sasami, examining cards>: Hey, this monster's hugging the girl from behind!
ALT-->SHERL: By the way, do you guys hear something?
ONIKO: That's the Bullshit detector. You learn to ignore it.
>
> Ayeka did her work in silence while thinking about what had been said
> to her,
BRANDT <Ayeka, thinking>: ...put that in my pipe and smoke it? Lord Tenchi will hear of this violation of the no-smoking household!
> when she struck upon the idea of trying to become friends "in
> the loosest possible terms! because then the Jurain army will be
> unmatched"
ALAIR: I don't quite follow her logic here.
VIPER: I don't follow her at all.
> thought Ayeka saying the last part out loud.
SHERL <Austin Powers>: How do I tell them that I have no internal monologue?
> Later Washu
> asked Adam for a sample, unaware that he knew what she ment and was
> surprised when he refused instead of asking of what and he said, "Oh,
> didn't I tell everyone that this world is also a very good set of
> anmie programs
[A strange rumble is heard in the background.]
> of which there are three VERY different types, comics,
> graphic novels, videos,
[The rumbling noise in the background becomes slowly louder and more pronounced. The riffers look around, confused. ONIKO slowly rises to his feet.]
> postcards, pictures both hentai and non
> hentai,
MAX: Because when you're in another dimension, you definitely want to tell the people you're with that people from *your* dimension have hentai of them.
[THIEF kicks back and puts up his feet as he opens the newest issue of XXXQuasistudXXX.]
THIEF: Don't want to tell who with the what now? [opens the centerfold] Heeeey Oniko, they published my picture of that salami in your as-
ONIKO <distracted momentarily from the rumbling>: What? Hey! Gimme that!
[ONIKO snatches for the magazine, only to be swatted with it.]
THIEF: Bad manslut! Bad!
ALAIR <wide-eyed>: That wouldn't be so disturbing if he wasn't naked and being bounced around...
-->[...and this is the part where Thief, being the only person who can do that whole transdimensional travel thing, pulls out a load of QS porn. Actually, this entire thing is just a thin excuse for me to add a uke joke. Hell, everything I've ever written was leading up to a joke about a guy with a cock in his butt... which means that I'm roughly four episodes behind Chimera in the cock-in-the-butt joke department. How shameful.]
[...we might want to run this one by Oniko first, given how he reacted the last time. -Cosmos]
[I thought it was clear that it's the same joke... the salami in the ascot bit. Or if you meant, him being naked, he didn't complain about that so far. Or the part about him being in a dress later on. -Chimera]
> fanfics, websites, DVDs,
[The rumbling causes dust to fall from the rafters, the other riffers cling to their chairs as the theater quakes. ONIKO is somehow standing amidst it all, unaffected.]
ONIKO: BREAK...
> various merchandise, artbooks, 3
> movies, a set of videos set in an alternative world where Sasami is a
> super-heroine?
[The rumbling takes on an ominous pitch, the riffers are sent flying into the aisle, a chunk of the ceiling drops down and smashes ALAIR's old seat, she screams. SHERL leaps up to cling to the riffers, hissing. ONIKO continues, unaffected, raising his hands toward higher powers.]
ONIKO: THE WALL!...
> and there's two computer games and a set of
> collectors cards as well as a radio show. after all I was thinking
> about a new fanfiction I read when I was teleported here."
ONIKO: DOWN!!!
[A thundercrash and, as suddenly as it all began, everything is still. The other riffers pick themselves off the floor and slowly return to their seats. VIPER has an insanely big grin on his face.]
VIPER: THAT WAS *SO COOL*!
MAX <awed>: I think you saved us.
ALAIR <looking at what remains of her old seat>: Yeah... thanks. [she finds another]
ONIKO: The ways of the One True Lo-
MAX: Can you teach me how to use my AT Field like that?
[ONIKO facepalms]
THIEF <eyeing Oniko>: ...uh-huh. Anyways... [Adam] But you're not bi and having sex all the time, so I can't help but wonder if something went wrong.
ALAIR: ...and nobody's going to question all that?
ONIKO: Why would they?
ALAIR: What if somebody said that *you* were a fictional character?
[A faint crashing noise is heard.]
ONIKO <exasperatedly>: You've got to allow the wall to heal before breaking it again, otherwise you'll void its warranty.
Posted on Jan 13, 2004, 5:03 PM from IP address 172.153.48.195