ALAIR <Adam, singing>: I was born in the wagon of a travelling show, Mama used to dance for the money they'd throw...
>
> Ryoko sat on the roof as was startled by Washu who said "penny for
> your thoughts"
VIPER <Ryoko>: Cool! That's twice the going rate!
SHERL: She's paying way too much.
MAX: Yeah. She should switch to Geico.
ONIKO: Or start using Interpol-*!
[Long pause.]
LANCE <over intercom>: Okay, just how the hell did you know about that?
ONIKO: I went over episode 101 in my free time.
[ONIKO is promptly crushed under the Fourth Wall's Largest Brick (tm).]
==>[OR]
==>VIPER <Ryoko>: HEY! My thoughts could command almost a centimeter in Europe!
==>BRANDT <Rick>: They're only worth a penny in America. Maybe that's all they're worth.
> "men" was the reply from Ryoko
MAX: -thinking wistfully of Ayeka.
> "well tell your mom
> about it then" & so Ryoko explained that she loved both Adam & Tenchi
ONIKO: See, this only further establishes Ryoko's total lack of taste in men.
> but she didn't know who she should choose
ALAIR: Since Adam is showing about the same likelihood of 'deciding' on one girl as Tenchi, I think it's a moot point.
> & that she didn't want to
> be hurt by them & Washu said that only she can a decide.
BRANDT: Developing an Italian accent on the spot.
VIPER: I thought that only Mature and Vice could De-cide.
> & they both watched as Adam sat & watched the sun go down
SHERL <Ryoko>: It's so neat watching other people watch things!
> & quitely say "I miss
> you Louise, still"
BRANDT <Adam>: Why'd you have to go with Thelma?
> & he soon jumped into the lake & started to swim
> at great speed
ALAIR: ...just in case you folks at home were forgetting for a moment that he is, in fact, a badass.
MAX: Oh, so he can't walk on water. I feel greatly relieved.
> for the other side & when he got there
BRANDT: -the cupboard was bare, and so the poor dog had none?
VIPER <sniffing>: Poor doggy.
> he looked back
> & saw Ryoko & Washu who waved & he turned away
ONIKO <singing>: Don't turn around, unless you wanna see me cry-
THIEF <interrupting>: Adam's leaving will never engender within me anything less than purest unbridled ecstasy! Woe, that mine spirit is beshackled by the profoundest of diseased creatures, that beast, that godless thing, Adam!
[ALL blink at THIEF.]
THIEF <quickly>: Er, I mean... fuck that fucking cum-guzzling freak!
VIPER: Jesus, dude.
> & walked in to the
> forest out of sight.
SHERL: But never out of mind, alas.
> Lunchtime came & went & still there was no sign
> of Adam, They soon explored the forest but
BRANDT <eagerly>: -the Bonewagon kept coming back to the same clearing over and over, prompting Manny to sabotage the dynamic stabilizer on the tree sap extraction machine so's they could soar like eagles! EAGLES ON POGO-STICKS!
> couldn't locate him & they
> went back to the house to discover a note from Adam which said:
MAX: "Things to do today - Eclipse the canon characters. Done."
ALAIR <a bit too hopefully>: "So long, cruel world?"
REATTRIB-->VIPER: "Gone out to kick more ass. Have Sasami cook me a fried egg, bacon and toast for breakfast."
> 'I must leave as I have some business to attend to, please contact me
BRANDT <singing>: Call me, call me... let me know it's all riiiight. Call me, call me... don't you think it's about time, please won't you call me and eeeaaasee myyyy miiiind...!
> using the watches on the table if anything happens but only if
> something happens.
MAX <kid, too eager>: I'll turn the dial!
ONIKO <Tom Servo>: -if you need me!
{If this isn't worth a few obscurity points... I suck. -Pen}
> & on each was a
> name & when they said the name a voice responded with "unit
> activated, hello master, I am a mini computer which has been given to
> you by my inventer, Adam asskicker,
ONIKO <watch>: Down with America!
MAX: Should we add 'Master Inventor' to the powers list?
ALAIR <tired>: I guess.
> please enjoy my services"
THIEF: I want one of those watches.
MAX: Not those kind of services.
THIEF: But they call them Master!
MAX: ...that's the weirdest mental image I've had in some time.
THIEF: And the watchband looks like if I loosened it up a lot, it could JUST fit around my penis-
MAX: GAH! Jerk!
THIEF: Yeah, that's what I'd do with it. Unless it provides some kind of suction...
MAX: Must... get... image... out! [MAX cracks himself in the face with his clamp]
SHERL: I've got dibs on that thing next.
> Washu
> looked at hers & smiled & to her surprise hers said "don't take me
> apart as I will self-destruct" Washu's smile soon faded.
MAX: Oh, come on! She'd see it as a gauntlet thrown down at her feet if she was in character!
ALAIR <Washu>: Screw it, I probably already have one.
[ONIKO walks over the tops of the seats from the back of the theater and sits down on top of the giant brick.]
>
> Adam was standing at a grave quietly talking to the gravestone,
VIPER: At last! Concrete proof that Adam is mad.
ALAIR: Weren't those Mary Sue powers proof enough?
VIPER: They were proof that he was a twink, not that he was mad.
> when a he heard footstep behind him, he didn't even move as the person
> laid a hand on his shoulder & said "I'm sorry about what happened I
> tried to save her but we were too late"
SHERL: -I really should've warned her about not having Pop Rocks and soda.
> "I know but I can't help it,
> the pain died hard
ALAIR: That's no way to refer to poor Louise.
> & I'm falling in love again"
ONIKO <singing>: What am I to do? What am I to do? I can't help it...
-->[AND/OR]
REATTRIB-->BRANDT <singing>: Now he is walking around, on this side of the town, he just can't hide away...
-->[Can't we just have both and reatribute one to someone else?]
-->[Yep. Singing can always stack. -Chimera]
[Why give it to Brandt? Well, his name appears least on the page. Heh. -Chimera]
> " we all must let go
> sometime, the sooner the better.
SHERL: Yeah, no one wants to hold onto the memory of a loved one, I mean, that's just depressing!
ALAIR <person>: A wise man once said that how long you mourn has nothing to do with how much you cared about the person.
MAX <Adam>: You watch *way* too much Dr. Phil.
> goodbye it was good seeing you
> again" & the person was gone. Adam turned away said goodbye to the
> gravestone which read: 'Louise Richmond wife of Adam,
BRANDT: -a wonderful person?
MAX: No one can tell. She was standing next to Adam.
BRANDT: -pillar of the community?
ALAIR: Do you think they'd let someone with the surname "Asskicker" on the PTA?
BRANDT: -beloved mother?
SHERL: Dear God, let's hope not.
> may her soul
> rest in peace.' Adam had carved the stone while greving, it was
> carved very beautfully with angels, roses & a pair of figures holding
> hands carved on it,
ONIKO: Oh my god! He's a closet yaoist!
ALAIR: That would explain why all the angels look like Tabris.
> it was hard to tell that a such a thing of beauty
> had been made from a sad event.
ALT-->MAX: Very tragic... and add *master stoneworker* to the amazing powers resume.
ALAIR: Okay, so... a tombstone that you can't tell was made due to a sad event. *Is* there logic in there, or...?
SHERL: They forgot to mention the clowns and kittens frolicking with balls of yarn.
-->[Master sculptor, maybe? -Cosmos]
-->[It sounds like an engraved tombstone, not a sculpture or statuette. I'm pretty sure 'chiseler' is right in this case. -Alair]
-->[I've really never heard of anyone refereed to as a 'chiseler'. Carver, yes, chiseler, no. It just sounds strange to me. -Cosmos]
-->[I've always heard the term 'chiseler' referring to a con artist. Why not just go with stoneworker? -Chimera]
> Adam noticed that his wifes grave was
> the only one that wasn't defaced or broken,
THIEF: That's because his wife's so badass just by having accepted Adam's badass seed, her skeleton's kicking the other grave's asses.
ALAIR <bitterly>: Not, of course, that she could be badass on her OWN.
THIEF: Well, of course not. She's just a woman.
[MAX and ONIKO wonk THIEF with their clamp and fan, respectively.]
> her death was not easy to
> take first came the bloood lust then the deaths of many innocents
ONIKO <excited>: See, there was this hippo and it went to a diner and then somebody dropped their fork!
> & then he slept of 3 years & was woken up by res-erection
ONIKO: Riot of the blood Adam.
MAX: It would explain why he's making such a big deal out of it.
ALAIR: Yeah, but you've seen what he can flaunt. Do you really want to add 'Orochi blood' to that list?
> Dracula. When the Belmont decendant
-->VIPER <Maria>: Why does everyone think that just because I wander around in short shorts with a bullwhip?
-->MAX: You're thinking of dec*a*dent.
-->[OR]
MAX: You're thinking of dec*a*dent.
THIEF: -Irving Belmont, sixteenth cousin of the thirteen times removed grandson of Simon Belmont's brother's uncle's former roommate.
ALAIR <marveling>: The family business isn't kind to that bloodline...
-->[If this is Castlevania Maria we're talking about, she doesn't carry a whip. She uses her animal helpers to fight.]
-->[Rats. Why did she have to be one of the few Belmonts without that particular fetish? Did any of the others appear in the same game as Alucard? -Cosmos]
-->[Trevor, I think. -Pen]
-->[And Richter, obviously. And it's the ancestral family weapon, not a fetish. Well, except possibly to you, what do I know about you? -Chimera]
> & Alucard enetered Castlevaina,
BRANDT: Now, who is this '& Alucard' guy, and why is he enetering Castlevaina?
MAX: Yeah, really. I prefer '~ Alucard'.
> bodys of the creatures lay scattered
> everywhere, the cause of this massercare, a lone man with incredable
> powers that were unmatched even by Dracula.
SHERL: Yes, yes, Adam's evil twin, we GET it, fic...
ALAIR: ...so he's got the Crissaegrim.
> When they discoverd Death
> he was being attaked by a man wearing strange clothes & was fighting
> bare handed &
THIEF: -with one arm & leg tied behind his back & blindfolded & his hair in a silly style & his mouth sewn shut & listening to Britney Spears Sings the Christmas Classics With J-Lo & a single purple ostrich feather sticking from betwixt his buttocks.
VIPER: Y'know, I'd pay to see that.
> was winning agaisnt the creature whose touch is instant
> death,
MAX: Or about twenty, thirty points of damage if you're wearing armor.
ONIKO: Yeah, Death's real dangerous. Which is why you can beat him with the Alucart equipment, bare-handed, completely unarmored, and with the Jewel Sword, Ankh of Life, Secret Boots, Dracula's Tunic and a pink and yellow Joseph's Cloak.
[ALAIR gives ONIKO a puzzled look.]
ONIKO: I wanted to see if Drac would disown Alucard 'cause he was gay.
> yet still the man proceded to rip death apart & when he had
> finished the little pieces that were once death disappered
VIPER <Adam>: Oh man, now how will I make that Grim Reaper barbeque?
ONIKO <Alucard, pissed>: HEY ADAM, WHERE'S MY DEATHSTEAK?
VIPER <Adam>: Eek.
> & when the
> man turned to face Alucard, a shiver ran down Alucards spine
ALAIR: -but he was too much of a badass in his own feminine way to acknowledge it.
> & the
> Dhamire couldn't even bare
ONIKO: Well that makes sense, I don't think I could bear a bare Adam, either.
SHERL <Adam>: Fear not! I shall destroy the Grim Reaper with my power of... SEX!
VIPER <Death>: Okay, okay! You win! Just put your shirt back on!
> the man looking at him because of the urge
> the man felt to kill was overwhelming even to Alucard. later when
> Alucard had met with Dracula he was almost killed & the Belmont
MAX: Richter.
SHERL: Or Trevor.
ALAIR: Or Maria.
ONIKO: Or Christopher.
VIPER: Or Sonia.
BRANDT: Or Juste.
SHERL: Or Leon.
ALAIR: Or Julius.
BRANDT: Wait, no! He said THE Belmont. Maybe it's the Mitochondria Belmont.
ALL: MAKE ADAM BURST INTO FLAMES!
> was
> almost dead as well, Dracula was gloating when the man came from the
> shadows & the battled with Alucards father
THIEF: Whoa, Alucard's real father? What about all of the uncomfortable questions that'll arise when Adam attacks Maria?
> with such anger & other
> emotions that overwhemed him,
BRANDT: Anger is bad enough, but Dracula just cannot stand bashfulness.
SHERL: And idle disinterest is just plain overkill.
> Dracula was not just scared but
> terrified & the man had soon killed, no, totally destroyed
MOVED-->VIPER <Dracula, surfer>: Dude, how could I have been so TOTALLY defeated?
ALAIR <author>: No, utterly obliterated, no, how can I possibly make him more badass?
> the lord
> of the undead with his bare hands.
MAX: I don't think this fic has the structural support to allow TWO twinks.
ALAIR: Don't worry, Soma Cruz will come back and kick his ass!
ONIKO <Dracula>: Wait, I didn't even get to quote scripture!
> The castle instead of crumbling
> like it normally did when Dracula was destoryed
BRANDT: Shaft had sent him the link to the Evil Overlord list.
> seemed to warp in to
ALAIR: -another dimension. Someone had loaded it with Sliders logic.
> something worse, after that the killing began, it didn't take Adam
> long to realise that he had become worse than Dracula,
ALL <blankly>: "Had become"?
> he was a
> monster so bad it was unspeakable
MAX: He had quite the breakthrough here, didn't he?
> & so he left the Castlevainia world
> & locked this memory away into the back of his mind forever, or so he
> hoped.
ALAIR: ...so we don't really get "Adam's past" so much as "Adam's Twinkiest Hits"?
ONIKO: Well, tragic angsty past was one of the few badass attributes he hadn't covered yet.
>
> Chapter 7: Adam's return
[ALL groan.]
>
> That night Ryoko sat watching & praying that Adam would
ALAIR: -fall into an open manhole.
MAX: -find someone else to be his love interest.
ONIKO <Ryoko, praying>: Please, please, please let him hit on Washu!
VIPER <Washu>: Hey! Is that anything to wish on your mother?
> return
> safely, when she saw a light coming from the ship outside & suddenly
> Gelvar, Ai & Kagato were standing outside by the lake & they
THIEF: -were giving each other slow oil massages and throwing long, smoldering glances towards Tenchi. Suddenly, a lot of pieces fell into place.
> each
> aimed a weapon at Tenchi's room & fired,
MAX <Early Grayce>: Naw, you gotta keep your arm a little bent, like this...
> Ryoko screamed. Tenchi woke
> to find himself in a very large bed
MAX: -a waterbed. Which he's never owned. Which is leaking. And he's being called out to a bank robbery. And he has deja vu. And he has deja vu.
-->[X-Files episode ref... if anybody's seen it recently and can tighten it up, go for it. -Chimera]
> with a letter by the side,
-->VIPER: Specifically, the letter "I."
-->[OR]
VIPER: Specifically, the letter "P".
BRANDT <Penny>: You can read it on the bus!
> it said:I saved you but you got an injury,
MAX: Gotta love them generic injuries.
> rest & I'll be back. signed
> guess who? Tenchi got out of bed & went exploring
BRANDT <Tenchi>: So THAT'S where the bathroom is...
ALL <amazed>: Ooooh...
> & soon dicovered
> that he was in a large house that had a picture of Adam
BRANDT: So, uh, it's like one of those Twilight Zone episodes where the protagonist realizes he's actually in hell.
> in a room
> full of videos & other stuff
MAX: Which the author will please leave undescribed, thankyouverymuch.
> which looked like a libary but was
> marked study.
ALAIR <Italian accent>: You better not come 'round here no more, you're a marked study!
ONIKO: He then found a room that looked like a dining room but was marked breakfast nook and a room that looked like a bathroom but was marked water closet. Big deal.
> Meanwhile Ryoko & the others who were woken by the
> blast launched an attack on Kagato, Ai & Gelvar
ALAIR: So in the time that Tenchi was wounded, teleported away, convalesced, woke up, and explored the house, the other characters are JUST getting started with the fight?
VIPER: Maybe the baddies attacked just before a three day weekend.
> & they were getting
> beaten
ALL <monotone>: Of course.
> when suddenly they heard "oooyyaaajjii!"
ONIKO <Adam>: You too shall know the mighty power that is Saikyo!
> & they looked up to see a large beam vaporise Kagato & Ai,
MAX: ...and on another note, did Ai actually *do* anything?
ONIKO: She stood around and looked good.
VIPER: Oh, so she was Ai candy.
NEW-->LANCE <over intercom>: Candy THIS.
NEW-->[The wainscotting suddenly splits to reveal an enormous mouth lined with teeth made of jagged 2x4s. VIPER screams once before he's consumed. There's a loud chewing noise behind the wall, before suddenly the mouth reappears and spits out a thick, spitty pile of Chu-Chus.]
NEW-->ALAIR: Holy shit!
NEW-->ONIKO: [grabs a Chu-Chu] Oooh! Ooh! A spit-covered Chu-Chu! [pulls out a scavenger hunt list and makes a check mark]
[Once we figure out exactly what type of theater this is, there should be some retribution from Lance for Viper's line. -Cosmos]
[A-fucking-men to that one. If nothing else, then a giant hand should come out of the ceiling and bitchslap Viper into hundreds of Chu-Chus or something. -t.]
> & once the beam died down Adam
> landed where Kagato had stood a few seconds before & said "well you
> didn't call me,
ALAIR <Adam>: -you never write, what's a SI to think?
> never mind Tenchi's safe,
BRANDT: -the Vault Dweller's descendant has already booby-trapped it at the behest of Mrs Bishop. He's mean that way.
> he's at my house". Tenchi
> had contined to explore when he discovered that Adam was also living
> with a number of women, three to be exact, a pir of twins
ALL <monotone>: Of course.
> who were
> trying to shoot him & a third who was blonde & was firing rings of
> energy
VIPER: Gah! Women, always trying to get the ring on her man! Figures!
> from her arms, 'great just like home!' thought Tenchi
SHERL: Now it just needs the ghost of a masked female wrestler.
ALAIR: Why don't we chalk it up as a blessing that Nobu isn't in this, eh?
> hopping over the banister just for the twins to jump in front of him & the
> blonde on behind him, "w..w.wait I'm a f..f.friend of Adam's" & then
THIEF: -they killed the SHIT out of him, because they knew who Adam was.
> suddenly the women stopped advancing & looked at him the blonde one
ONIKO: Breathe, Mister Narrator! Breathe!
> spoke first saying "hey your Tenchi Masaki" Tenchi just nodded as he
> noticed that she was wearing a pair of tight silk p.j.s,
ALAIR <shudder>: There's two PJs in the universe?
THIEF: And tight silk, no less. Mmmhm.
> & the twins
> were wearing nightgowns that left very little to the imagination,
MAX: ...Tenchi's never noticed anything like that before.
> "hey shouldn't you be getting rest if Adam sent you here?" Tenchi just
> nodded & asked if he could sit in the study, the girls looked at each
ONIKO: For the love of the mighty MMK, breathe! You're gonna pass out!
> other huddled together & then
THIEF: -began to slowly caress ivory flesh with slippery coral tongues, seeking that sweet-
ALAIR: Shut up, henta-
[MAX whacks her over the head.]
VIPER: Pay her no mind, Thief. Do go on.
BRANDT: Pardon me?
VIPER: Damnit! Figures.
> they let him in & told him not to make
> a mess
THIEF: In other words, when Tenchi starts masturbating thinking about Yosho, he should have a kleenex box nearby.
> & leave it how he found it
THIEF: In other words, clean up his own spooge stains from thinking about Yosho, but leave all the ones Adam made while thinking about Yosho.
> & if he needed anything then call
> them,
THIEF: In other words, if someone's tongue is required to lap up-
VIPER: Stopstopstop please!
> the blonde introduced herself as Sonja, the twins as Ani & Una.
THIEF: Been slumming it recently, eh Adam?
ONIKO: Damn, that narrator has some lung capacity.
>
> The battle raged on against Gelvar all night with everyone sustaining
> an injury execpt Adam
ALL <monotone>: Of course.
> who dogded every blow & gave Gelvar many back,
> Adam managed to knock Gelvar over
VIPER: -presumably by a mystical martial arts technique whereby Mihoshi gets on her hands and knees behind Gelvar while Adam shoves.
THIEF: Shoves where?
VIPER: ...good question.
> & then Adam used a technique that
> left no sign of the creature execpt scorch marks.
SHERL: Otherwise known as Burninate-Fu.
ONIKO, VIPER <singing>: ...and Adam comes in the NIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!
> The next moring
> Ryoko asked where Tenchi was Adam replied
BRANDT <Adam>: He went on shore leave the last time we dropped anchor, I told you that! [normal] Get it? Moring? Dropping anchor? Mor- OW!
LANCE <over intercom>: Go, my Papercut-O-Matic! Mwahah-gah!
[The Papercut-O-Matic is bounced off the projection booth window telekinetically.]
[Note, change this if there's no projection booth window when Lance does the setting and all. -Chimera]
> "he's at my house I wonder
> how he's coping with the twins & Sonja"
ONIKO: Hey, Red Sonja's in this? Rock.
> "with who?" asked Ryoko, "My
> personal trainer/personal assitant & a pair of massuse who are also
> people who follow me down to the ring when I westle"
MAX: Kinda makes you wish that the AAAT was still around.
ONIKO: ...no it doesn't.
> "are they..
> pretty?" asked Minagi "why getting worried are we girls?" answered
> Adam just as his phone rung
MAX <singing>: He's got a brand new car phone, he thinks he owns the road...
> "hello? Oh, hi, how's Tenchi? oh, well
> I'm glad to hear it, I'll pick him up in a bit, say, what did he do
> in the study?
THIEF <Sonja>: Well, he found your picture collage of Yosho, and mostly we're still cleaning up from that.
> oh, ok, right I'll finish up & pick him & my mail up,
> bye" "I take it that was them?" said Ayeka "no, it was Sonja" replyed
> Adam.
FIXED-->BRANDT: Uh, but... wouldn't Sonja technically number among the 'them' to which Ayeka refers?
ALAIR: Who cares? Ayeka got a line, and she wasn't a bitch! It's a great victory for canon characters everywhere!
>
> chapter 8: The question
SHERL: Forty-two.
ONIKO: Pink, with little blue bears.
>
> When they were alone Ryoko asked Adam what he had done when he
> disappered & how did he know when to save Tenchi "well I went a
> visited a grave,
FIXED-->ALL <Ryoko>: Just any old grave?
BRANDT: He just makes it too easy.
> my wife's grave to be exact..." "I'm sorry I.."
MAX <Ryoko>: -probably should've just winged her, but she was lookin' at my Tenchi!
> Its
> alright I feel better now
ALAIR <dryly>: Yes, as we all know, sex with three women at once pretty much lets one get over the loss of your One True Love.
THIEF <quietly>: I'll have to try that sometime.
ALAIR: Pardon?
THIEF <quickly>: Nothing, nothing...
> & I came to save Tenchi because when I came
> back I saw them point weapons at Tenchi's room"
ALAIR <Kagato>: I challenge this living space to a duel!
> Ryoko not sure what
> to do now becasue she had planed to ask him what he felt about her &
> as she thought about what to do,
SHERL <Ryoko as Steve Martin>: I know! Consult the book of infinite wisdom!
> Adam spoke, almost as is reading her
> mind
MAX: Or the cue cards.
[BRANDT <Ryoko> squints, then leans to the side.]
BRANDT <Ryoko>: Line!
> " Ryoko I feel for you
ALAIR <irritated>: Feel WHAT for her, you finalist for the World's Worst Typist 2004 Awards?
THIEF: He just feels for her. A lot. Almost as much as Yosho. [leers]
> but I don't want you to be hurt either by
> me or Tenchi & almost all the women who I have been close to are dead
> or badly injured,
SHERL <Adam>: I keep telling them that they need to back off, but they end up mistaking my trying to keep them out of the range of stray arms fire with me being an angsty badass loner.
VIPER: Moral - Date more durable women.
-->MAX: Dude. They don't get much more durable than Ryoko.
> thats another thing that made me put up a wall to
> prevent from having to suffer like that again"
BRANDT: You know, I hate it when stories gradually present us with a series of clues to piece together that we might come upon a complete understanding of a three-dimensional character in fiction. I like it when his entire psychology and history is vomited forth in a single paragraph. No! Really! I mean it! It's SO much better this way!
VIPER: Man, it's a good thing you laid off that Mountain Dew, I'd hate to see you on more caffiene.
> "Adam I want a
> truthful answer, did you read my mind?" Adam just looked at her & she
> smiled "well?" "no" came the reply & then
ONIKO: -he quickly added, "but I can, though!"
> they looked at each other,
> Adam gazing into Ryokos amber eyes & Ryoko looking in to the shadow
> that covers Adams face.
ONIKO: Then they kept staring at each other for a couple minutes while Handel blared in the background.
[He holds up both arms and flips the bird to nobody in particular.]
ONIKO: Up yours, Anno.
[MAX twitches. With a primal scream, he tackles ONIKO. The other riffers break them up.]
> Then suddenly they pushed each other off the
> roof
THIEF: Murder/suicide? Best course of action. [nods sagely]
> & into the lake where they where splashing each other & then
SERIOUSLY FIXED-->ALAIR: -Ryoko killed him, because the water ruined about four hour's worth of hair styling. You didn't think her hair did that naturally, did you?
> after a while they raced to the other side of the lake, Adam let
> Ryoko win
ALAIR: It's so romantic, when he tries to restrain his innate godliness for his woman... [sniffle]
> & then when he admitted it while they sat on the side of
> the peir Ryoko pushed him off but he just floated
> in mid-air
-->VIPER <Ryoko>: Woah, how'd you do that...? And where'd that cool looking truck come from?
-->MAX <Adam>: Um...shit.
-->[OR]
VIPER <Ryoko>: And I love that rain indoors. And the shadows chasing along the ground! ...but where'd that cool looking truck come from?
MAX <Adam>: Um... shit.
[OR, the simple one...]
VIPER: Of course, he only got to do this for a few more minutes until the Agent's truck came along to fix the physics engine glitch.
-->[This is supposed to reference the Animatrix, but it doesn't seem to come off right.-Cruton]
-->[Which particular short are you referring to? -Idiotbox]
-->[Oh, come on, it's not hard to tell which one he's talking about. It'd be impossible to get the ref as constructed, though... -Chimera]
[I'll let my fellow editors decide on which one they like. -Chimera]
[Considering I haven't seen it, I'll leave it be. -t.]
> & settled back next to her & when he sat there for a while she put her
> head on his shoulder,
BRANDT: -accidentally penetrating his ear canal with a hair-spike, killing him instantly.
ONIKO: Yeah. 'Accidentally'.
> he put his arm around her shoulders & they sat
> & watched the sunrise together.
MAX: Then the very embodiment of canon exploded, injuring several bystanders with jagged bits of bone.
>
> That day they sat & played a few games on the Playstation,
BRANDT: Sadly, he introduced her to Xenogears. Before the intro was even finished, she'd destroyed the world. [sigh]
> teased
> Ayeka, helped Sasami, sabotged some of Washu's expirments & basicly
> doing things together.
BRANDT: And all in the space of three seconds!
SHERL <Adam, hyperactive>: Sowhatarewegonnadonexthuhhuhhuh?
> Washu was treating Adam just like she does
> Tenchi, & so were the others execpt for Kiyone who was being
> flirtious all the time with Adam.
BRANDT: Yes, because as we've seen in dozens of episodes, Kiyone is the bubble-headed moron who chases after men at the drop of a hat.
[Long pause.]
BRANDT: ...wait a minute...! That's NOT what she does! This whole fic is completely false! [stares up at the screen with wide, horrified eyes]
ALAIR: He... just got that?
ONIKO: He's what we used to call in our less PC days an 'idiot savant'.
VIPER: And what do you call him now?
ONIKO: Nothing, he wouldn't come.
[Long pause.]
MAX: I think you mixed up your punchlines.
FIXED-->ALAIR: Either that, or Oniko's turned gay. He IS in a skirt...
ONIKO: Hmpf! See if I bestow the glory that is the loonie on you people again!
> They went to town the following day
> & they went shopping together played games in the arcade
VIPER: Until the big Army guy with the tank strapped to his back busted in, put Adam in a headlock and asked him why the hell he wasn't playing Metal Slug.
> & basicly
> had a good time & when they got back they got changed
ONIKO <Adam>: This time, I'll be the girl!
> & packed a
> lunch & Adam created a portal & they left on an interdimential
> picnic.
ALL <singing>: Boys and girls! Boys and girls! Let's all go to the digital world!
> They went to a peaceful world sat down in a beautiful field
> of various flowers
BRANDT: Where a Drow girl and a demon forced them to watch bad fanfiction.
[VIPER, MAX and ONIKO give BRANDT a baleful look.]
ALAIR <author>: You know, beautiful in a generic sort of way. How am I supposed to be bothered to describe them?
> & afer a whlie they had something to eat & just
> sat there talking & then as they were about to kiss there was voice
MAX <Crow as God>: I'm not pleased!
-->[AND/OR]
REATTRIB-->SHERL <Chief Wiggum>: Pay no attention to me, continue swimming nakedly. C'mon! Continue!
> "Ahem, well, well looky here if it isn't Adam" Adam looked & saw
> Cupid standing there "won't The boss be pleased to her that your here
> with another woman"
[ALL the riffers slap their foreheads in unison.]
ONIKO: He dated a goddess. He is *redefining* the concept of twink.
THIEF: I have to admit, I've a certain level of respect for anyone capable of this much public masturbation. ...won't stop me from using his optical nerves as shoelaces once I find him, though.
> "Cupid, we finished a long time ago me & your
> 'boss' so just leave us in peace & do your job"
VIPER: And he dumped her.
ALAIR: I am seriously hoping for some old gods style vengeance here.
MAX: What would be the vindictively ironic punishment for Adam?
ALAIR: I'm thinking something along the lines of a sudden resurgence of in-character behavior.
> "but I'm being put
> out of a job with you around" " well I'm sure that if I pull a few
> strings down below..."
BRANDT <blushing>: Gah! Out in public!? You pervert!
> "hey no need for that I'll leave. humph" Cupid
> left them in peace & it was time to get back.
THIEF: Pfft. Silly author. Ryoko's ALWAYS got back. [smirk]
ALL <singing>: I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other bruthas can't deny, that when a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get SPRUNG!
> "I have an idea, why
> don't we phone Tenchi & say I'm staying with you for tonight?"
SHERL: Who's speaking?
VIPER: Who cares?
> "good
> idea! if you want Washu to use her machine to open a portal to my bed
> room by locking onto you & then she has the co-ordinates of my bed!
THIEF: Ho teleportation... yeah! Prostitutes, delivered instantly to your bed! Oh, I am a fuckin' *genius!*
> even better!" said Adam sarcasticly "well you have a point.. I know
> you can stay in my room" " but can I trust you to keep to yourself?"
BRANDT: What, now he wants her to stop being social? What is this, 'The Stepford Girlfriend'?
> "ooohh, I don't know maybe you can, maybe you can't
SHERL <Yoda>: -there is no try.
> but theres one
> way to find out!" & with that they left for Tenchi's house.
ALAIR <bitterly>: Though of course by this time tomorrow he'll have been forced to sign over the deed to Adam.
Posted on Jan 14, 2004, 3:08 AM from IP address 172.153.48.195