ALAIR <wearily>: Or for us, for that matter.
==>BRANDT: C'mon Lance, don't we deserve at least one break?
==>[OR]
THIEF: Yeah, I know! There's some days when I have to tell the bitches to hey, back off! I may be the perfect epitomy of all that is sex, but even the glorious granite obelisk between my thighs needs a rest. Right, Alair?
ALAIR: Wait, WHAT?
==>[On that note what is the situation on the skits for this episode anyway?]
==>[Shade said he'd just be a few weeks on writing the intro, one presumes that he's been too busy to do so. I'm not entirely certain if he settled on the 'Soap Opera' setting, or what... Nobody's called dibs on anything, though I presume that we've got the same structure of five skits. -Chimera]
>
> During the drive back to Tenchi's house they picked up Tenchi and
> went to town
ONIKO: -and, like, totally scouted for babes.
MAX: You can't miss them. They're following Adam's car in a daze of lust.
==>[Amusing images of Adam using the 'Ladies' Man' code in GTA:VC... -Chimera]
> and when they got back they found Kagato sitting in a
> chair, watching tv,
SHERL: -drinking a Bud.
ONIKO <Kagato>: These elimination challenges are most certainly extreme... oh, and that Captain Tennille gets me every time!
> he turned to face them as a dozen sets of hands
> grabbed them,
FIXED-->BRANDT: Uh-oh. It's a Hundred-Handed One. Can Adam take on something with a 12 attacks per turn and 180,000 MDC? ...sorry, I forgot who I was talking about for a moment.
> "my, my, aren't we back late?" "eat shit and die" spat
> Minagai,
BRANDT: -twisted clone of Minagi.
==>ONIKO: It's been done.
==>[AND/OR]
VIPER <Adam>: Already did.
SHERL <Minagi>: Encore.
> "now is that any way to treat a guest?" "if your the guest,
> then yes" said Adam,
VIPER: We must AFFIRM that!
[VIPER pulls out a Miss Manners book.]
VIPER: Well what do you know? "When meeting guests, always treat them with respect, unless they're Kagato, in which case you verbally abuse them as much as possible." You learn something new every day.
[Pause.]
BRANDT: Let me see that book.
VIPER: ...nnnnnnno.
> Strugling, "its useless to struggle, their made
> from wonderful stuff,
THIEF <Kagato>: -dominatrix leather.
> Adamantium"
VIPER: So what? Adam had a skeleton made from the stuff.
BRANDT: Oh, but is it True Adamantium, or Secondary Adamantium? Or do you even know the difference? [scoffs] You have much to learn in the Art of Nerdliness, young hedgehog.
VIPER: You have shamed me. [bows]
> Adam stopped struggling and just
> looked at Kagato "how?" "simple really I just made my own
ALAIR <Kagato>: -plot contrivance.
> interdimentional gateway,
==>ALAIR: It's the same thing in this fic.
==>MAX: Which then exploded in an accident.
==>[OR, rewording ALAIR's]
ALAIR: [shrugs] Same difference.
==>[AND/OR]
ONIKO: Which of course IMMEDIATELY began spewing out unmentionably horrible betoothed monsters.
MAX: When will our interdimensional scientists learn? [tisks]
> and I can go to places that I have the
> co-ordinates for, like little tokyo,
MAX <Moe>: We're going to Little Tokyo!
ALAIR <Homer>: I'll go get our little passports.
> Castlevania, althrough
> Castlevaina only appears every 100 years, "how did you know that?"
BRANDT <Kagato>: I found a story FAQ. It was on the Internet, so it must be true!
> asked Adam "I read it in the instructions manual of your game, quite
> a good game as well.
-->ALAIR: I knew it! I knew video game instruction manuals contained the secrets to existence!
MAX: I take it I'm not the only person who finds this completely out of whack. Really now, there's suspension of disbelief and then there's taking disbelief and proceeding to garrote it by tying piano wire around its throat and dangling it over a rooftop.
ALAIR: There is always the possibility that works of fiction, regardless of the medium, actually exist as parallel universes. So something like this, while sort of hackneyed, could still theoretically happen.
BRANDT <quiet, disturbed>: Oh, if only it was just theory...
-->MAX: That doesn't make it any better, though.
SHERL: But doesn't that mean that the world we live in could be fiction someplace else?
ONIKO: Who says it isn't?
[ONIKO turns and looks straight at you. Yeah, you. The one reading this thing.]
ONIKO: Hi there. Thanks for reading Quasispace Portal Theater 3000, the Internet's least read MSTing series. We think you're all badass people for taking the time to read about a bunch of people in a theater who are actually *funny*, instead of something like shounen anime characters or wrestlers. So take five minutes out of your busy schedule to fire off an
E-mail to one of the authors, telling them how much you think they kick ass. Because it's people like you-
[ONIKO gets crushed under the Fourth Wall's Second Largest Brick (tm).]
ALAIR: ...he's about one step away from ranting about Kegare.
MAX: Piloting an Eva for three years'll do that to you, I guess.
==>[...and that, my friends, is the first time the Fourth Wall has ever been skullfucked.]
==>[Actually I think I've seen something similar before. Can't remember where, though... -Chimera]
> I liked playing that street fighter game,
> althrough some moves that I've felt, don't look as good on the game"
-->BRANDT <idle>: Yes, it does feel better to actually move to Maimi than to watch it in a game.
NEW-->BRANDT: You try actually moving, buddy, I'm sure you'll agree a videogame where you pack up everything you own into boxes and drive them ten thousand miles would be much more attractive. And why were you 'feeling' a move anyways? You leave those poor U-Haul trucks alone!
SHERL: Uh, I don't think... oh, forget it.
NEW-->BRANDT <singing, ignoring SHERL>: Hey, twinker! Leave those U-Hauls alone! All in all you're just another brick in the wall!
-->[Maimi? I'm guessing this is supposed to be Miami, as in GTA:VC? -t.]
[No, actually. I just chose a tropical city at random. Lemme see if I can rewrite it to make more sense... -Chimera]
> "I challenge you to a game of street fighter alpha 3, if I win, you
> will leave this universe and never return,
BRANDT <Kagato>: But that's impossible, given that by its very definition, the universe encompasses all of existance.
VIPER <Adam>: Uh...
BRANDT <Kagato>: Look, should I leave and let you work on this a while? I've got other villianous chores I could be doing here.
VIPER <Adam>: Could you? That'd be great.
> if you win, then I will
> give you my powers and leave this world forever, deal?" said Adam,
> "Deal" replied Kagato as the hands released Adam.
[Stunned silence]
-->ALAIR: I've never seen something get so stupid so fast.
ONIKO: Ladies and Gentlemen, we have passed through the far side of *stupid* and are emerging in a strange, new world.
MAX <Kagato>: I have you in my grasp and could kill you on a whim, so of course I'll fritter it all away on a gamble that you wouldn't make if you weren't absolutely sure you would win.
> They sat in
> opposite chairs, cables away from the other person, so there was no
> cheating,
MAX: Hands up if you think Adam's one of those fighter twinks with his own custom-built arcade pad.
[ALL hands are raised.]
> the pause button was disabled (pulled out of the pad),
SHERL: ...you mean they put aside the time to dismantle the pads before playing?
> and the time was set to infinte, with three rounds, "wait a minute, I
> wanna put my memory card in" said Adam putting in a black memory card
ALL <deadpan>: Of course.
> with had red writing on it saying 'fighting'
ONIKO: Thank God that Kagato apparently DOESN'T mind cheating after all, eh, Adam?
> "there" said Adam with
> glee, "lets go" said Kagato in a low voice.
ALAIR: I'm sorry, but it's also impossible to be cool and menacing when challenging someone to a game of Playstation Alpha 3.
> The characters they chose
> were Akuma (which Adam had sneakly powered up insanely by going
> through the world tour mode)
VIPER: Oh yes... so sneakly of you, Adam.
BRANDT <Kagato>: Oh no, you powered up your Akimi-thingie or whatever! By the way, while you were busy futzing with that little card thing, I shot all your friends and stole all of your cheap uberweapons.
> and Zangief (Kagato was trying to be
> smart by using a crap person <my opinon!>),
-->ONIKO: ...scrub.
MAX: And even if Zangief wasn't a god in Alpha 3, how would picking a 'crap person' be smart?
VIPER: Who booked this crap?
ALAIR: I don't know. But I'd hate to see what this would be like if Marvel versus Capcom 2 was out when he wrote it.
> "Ready? fight!" yelled
> the computer as Akuma took a step and let loose a fireball
ALAIR: We're reading a blow by blow description of an anime character, who, I might add is *dead* according to canon, and a SI playing a twinked version of Akuma in a battle for the fate of their universe... right. Suicide for me, then.
[ALAIR pulls a dozen packets of poprocks out of her pockets and grimly takes the lid off her Super-omega-big-glug of soda. MAX yanks the soda away from her.]
MAX: Gimme that! There'll be no head-explody while I'm here.
==>BRANDT: Whoa. I'm glad Krinn's not here then...
==>[Probably cutting that last bit. I'm just enjoying the irony. -Chimera]
> which hit
> Zanigef while he was doing a drop kick, then Zangief grabbed Akuma
> with an aerial russian slam
ONIKO: No no, you mean that Akuma took a step and let loose a
FIREBALL!
which hit Zangief while he was doing a
DROP KICK!
then Zangief-
LANCE <over intercom>: -fired at the loon with a
MISSILE LAUNCHER!
[A large missile shoots towards ONIKO, who leaps out of the way just in time. The seat is utterly annihilated.]
ONIKO: Damnit, that was the cushy seat!
> wich used all of his super combo bar and
> reduced Akuma to half health and after a hurricane kick and a dragon
> punch, Zangief was down to just under half health
BRANDT: That's pretty much why I'm not into fighting games. Four hits between them and they're both more than half-dead.
ONIKO: That's less because of the game and more because Adam and Kagato as such pansies that they're infecting the guys they're playing.
BRANDT: Huh. So what's it mean when I play Bison and he starts wearing pink and cuddling kittens and hanging out at the 'Ramrod'?
==>LANCE <over intercom>: You're a RUMPRANGER!
==>BRANDT: What? I don't even like SUVs.
==>LANCE <over intercom>: GODDAMNIT!
> when Adam delivered
> the finsihing blow for the round,
THIEF: -because he loved to swallow.
[OTHERS wince.]
> the hell blink murder. the next
> round went to Kagato by keeping Adam in the corner of the screen but
MAX: Notice how he doesn't actually *describe* the round in which he loses.
ALAIR: It's painful enough for him to admit he lost. Do you really expect him to go into detail about it?
> when he next tryed it Adam used the teleport move and then he used
> the messatsu gou shoryu (dragon puch combo)
MAX: Is that combo number 5?
ALAIR: From the Chinese restaurant around the corner?
BRANDT: No, that would be chow mein with rice and fish.
MAX: Okay, how about Mambo Number 5? [hums]
BRANDT: That works. [sways to the beat]
> followed by the messatsu
> gou hado (fireball super combo)
SHERL: It's got the fries and the supersized drink!
> and to finish him off, a light jab.
VIPER: Poke!
> "what?! impossible!,
BRANDT <Penfold>: This isn't possible!
SHERL <Danger Mouse>: Never mind that now! Just do it!
> oh, well I admit defeat"
BRANDT: Man, I wish my opponents were this reasonable. Usually they just climb out of the crater where Italy used to be and charge again.
ALAIR: Okay now, Brandt, is this just another manufactured memory of a deeply delusionary mind, or does this actually happen? Can you PROVE it?
BRANDT: [pauses to think] Hm. We could always check the prices of cuppacino.
ONIKO: [gasps] Uh-oh. I had to kill three people to get ahold of just this cup!
ALAIR: [eyes wide] Oh my God. Italy really IS gone!
ONIKO <smirking>: It must be! Usually I only have to kill TWO people to get ahold of some good cuppacino!
[Long pause.]
ALAIR <mutters>: Jackass.
[I fucking hate the word 'cappuccino.' -t.]
[You think that's bad? I somehow got SIBERIA, I meant friggin' Sicily, by which I meant Italy... Anyways, if you want to add in another widely known, mostly Italian food or drink, go for it. -Chimera]
> "that was a good
> battle, Kagato" "before I leave, you will DIE"
-->MAX: Talk about sore losers...
SHERL: Boy, and I thought *I* got upset when I get cheesed to death...
> said Kagato lunging at
> Adam who neatly side stepped and broke Kagato's neck with a snap.
ALAIR: Anticlimax, thy name is Adam.
> "well I had better prepare dinner!
THIEF <Adam>: -before his blood congeals. Somebody get me a good bonesaw, a skinning knife, and deboning tools, because we're gonna have us one HELL of a fine barbeque. It'll be BBYOP!
VIPER <Tenchi>: BBYOP?
ALT-->THIEF <Adam>: Bring Your Own Pussy. You're not invited, even though you are one.
ONIKO <Sasami>: What's that extra B for?
THIEF <Adam>: ...that's a typo.
> look at how late it is" " hey
> Sasamai, leave dinner and we'll just order a pizza"
MAX <Tenchi>: Um, what about the *body* on the *floor?*
SHERL <Adam>: Eh, adds character to the room, wouldn't you say?
VIPER <Sasami>: But he's getting blood on the carpet and-
SHERL <Adam>: Ssh. No talking at the table.
VIPER <Sasami>: But-
SHERL <Adam>: Ssh!
> "do you know the
> number of the pizza parlour? and will it be here before its cold?"
BRANDT <person>: Also, who am I? Why don't I merit an identifying tag? Am I cursed to forever live in a boundless grey void?
ONIKO <Adam>: Yes, I know a number, yes it'll be hot, they said they'll get their new Vercetti kid to deliver it, and yes, you're cursed.
> "I know the number and yes it will be hot" Adam took out his phone and
> dialed the number of the samurai pizza cats
BRANDT: How DO you dial an extradimensional number?
ALAIR: I like to imagine it requires a hula interpretation dance.
> "hello I would like to
> order a large pizza with everything but any sea food on it,
MAX <Francine>: Okay, I'll send out the guys to pick up offal from the pig rendering plant, gravel, and any hairballs we've been coughing up.
> no, I
> wouldn't like it delivered because I'll pick it up in a while, ok,
> francine?,
SHERL <Francine>: Okay, I'll have Katchoo send it over in a second.
ONIKO <Adam, small-voiced>: ...Katchoo?
ALAIR <Katchoo, cracking knuckles>: Special delivery, hotshot.
ONIKO <Adam>: Mommy!
> bye. right the pizza will take 5 minuites so lets kick
> back and relax" said Adam
BRANDT: -not bothering to ask what the others liked.
> sitting back in the chair, then after a few
> minuites Adam's phone rang with the pizza cats theme
THIEF: Let's write a new story where Adam goes to a movie theater at the corner of Blood Avenue and Crip Drive and forgets to turn his ringer off.
ONIKO: Damn straight.
> to which Adam
> got up, opened a portal stuck his head and shoulders through and
BRANDT: -realized too late that he had underestimated the people of Plane 6 and he was swiftly captured by Lisa with her echo-sounding helmet. Oh, how he would suffer in that sensory deprivation tank...
> took
> a pizza and seemed to have an argument with the person on the other
> side about taking his money,
ONIKO: Whoa, the pizza guy's robbing him already? Tommy Vercetti kicks more ass than I thought!
> while Sasami dished out the pizza "there
> they finally took the cash, I hate it when they don't" said Adam
ALAIR: I kind of miss the old days where a character would just trip for no reason and Adam would catch them when he wanted to show what a great guy he was.
> sitting down to eat the pizza.
THIEF: Great guy? This fuckhole got one large pizza for ten people!
ALAIR: Feh. He's probably such a twink he'll miraculously have enough for everybody. He already healed the sick, after all...
THIEF: Mmmm... Adam crucified...
>
> Chapter 7: the secret of the hawk wings
VIPER: Seventeen herbs and spices!
>
> The next day, Washu was relentlessly interogating Adam about how he
> summoned the night hawk wings and when he refused to to tell her, she
MAX: -promptly dissected him.
> started to fire at him with a plasma cannon, which Adam doged
> effortlessly
MAX: That was when Washu took out the Dreadnaught 666.
> "yawn, is that the best you can do?" taunted Adam,
> doging several blasts at once, "just summon the damn wings"
VIPER <Adam>: Look honey, I don't do miracles-
MAX <Washu>: -but your a twink. Isn't it in your contract to be able to do miracles?
VIPER <Adam>: ...Shaddup. I can't 'just' summon a few cheap knock offs at a moment's notice.
> "ok then,
> night, light, fallen angel,
ONIKO: -one winged angel-
> angel or bat?" "what do you mean?" "well
> I can sprout white feather wings, black feather wings and bat style
> wings"
ONIKO: Ah, I see he went for the "Pointless Religious Symbolism" Deluxe Author Avatar package.
ALAIR: Or the 'Pointless Winged Bishounen' package.
ONIKO: They're one of those TOO? FUCK!
BRANDT: Eh, it's not that great. I kept rolling over onto them in my sleep, and they get cramps if you try to hide them under clothes. [scratches his back]
==>MAX: ...and they're wings in name only. If they were called what they really looked like, then they'd be the Light Hawk Paddles.
> "the night hawk wings, prat" Adam obliged but summoned the
> light hawk wings,
SHERL: Oh, that's our wacky Adam!
> "hey, they're the light hawk wings! how did you?"
> "the same way as the night hawk wings"
BRANDT <Adam>: -you just rub this rod of glass against this swatch of fur in order to taunt Raistlin, at which point he basically kills you.
> "well the wings are just the
> opposites of each other, the two sides of a coin, one good, the other
> evil"
==>BRANDT <skeptically>: Of course wielding this so-called 'evil' energy will have no effect on you, now will it?
==>VIPER: If we're lucky it'll possess his hand or something and it'll strangle him.
==>MAX: We are not imagining Adam with a chainsaw for a hand.
==>ONIKO: Of course not. His would have an diamond-edged blade, shoot laser beams, and heat toaster strudel at the same time.
==>[OR, since we've had a LOT of Evil Dead refs...]
BRANDT <skeptically>: Of course, weilding this so-called 'evil' energy will have no negative effect whatsoever on you, now will it?
VIPER <Adam>: Well, I DO find myself listening to Neal Boortz now and then, and the other day I signed on to produce 'Dumb and Dumberer'.
BRANDT <small voice>: I'm sorry. So, so sorry.
[Damn, I didn't mean for Adam to be THAT evil. -Chimera]
> "the ying and yang of power" said Adam, "correct, now how do
> you summon them?" "well, its a secret"
SHERL <Carl>: ssshaddup.
VIPER <Washu>: You don't know either, do you?
BRANDT <Adam>: ...no...
> "hey, whats going on here?"
> said Ayeka, survaying the damage,
ALAIR <Ayeka>: Do you like beans? Do you like George Wendt? Do you eat beans during George Wendt movies? Would you like to see a movie about George Wendt eating beans?
> "nothing" repiled Adam and Washu at
> the same time, "well, Ryoko want's to see you Adam,
THIEF <Ayeka>: -something about performing a dark and sickening demonic ritual whereby the final step is the living sacrifice of an unbearable jackass through unspeakable means involving a rat, a metal bucket, a blowtorch, and your face.
ONIKO <Adam>: Hey cool! I'm SO there! I wonder what she wants me for though?
> and Washu, Yosho
> wants to talk to you"
THIEF <Ayeka>: -something about a rubber ball gag, full-body leather restraint, nipple clamp electrodes, a chilled wooden paddle, and your tight little mad scientist ass.
ALAIR <Washu>: Oh, so, the usual then.
> and with that Ayeka left and so did Adam and
> Washu.
ALL: Scene change!
> At the shine keepers logding, Yosho was speaking with Washu,
> "today I felt a huge surge of power,
ONIKO <Yosho>: -you were right, I really AM getting into the spanking!
> the power of both the light hawk
> and the dark hawk wings,
THIEF <Tom Servo>: Mike, I'm experiencing an entirely new feeling right now, and I think I like it! [normal] Wanna share the experience?
[THIEF waggles his eyebrows at ALAIR.]
ALAIR: I *told* you to knock that off!
> do you know what was the cause?" Washu just
> looked at the former prince of Jurai and replied
BRANDT <Washu>: I accidentally put tinfoil in the particle accelerator. Sorry.
> that it was Adam who
> used the night hawk wings and had just used the light hawk wings,
> "interesting and you say he's not from Jurai? very strange"
ONIKO <Yosho>: -it's almost as if somebody's butchering the canon like Tim Allen carving up a Thanksgiving Day turkey with a chainsaw.
> said
> Yosho looking puzzled, meanwhile back with the lovers,
SHERL: Anybody else know when Ryoko went from 'agonizing between Tenchi and the dev- I mean, Adam', to 'lover'?
ONIKO: Just about the same time the check cleared, I believe.
> Adam and Ryoko
> were just sitting
SHERL: -there doing nothing.
BRANDT <Ryoko>: Hey, my wall's got lichen!
MAX <Adam>: Cool! I wanna see!
> talking, "do.. you still love your wife?"
THIEF <Adam>: Oh, yes! Wow, I never thought I'd meet somebody else into the same things I am. Hey, do you know to remove the eyes neatly when I want to fuck her eye sockets? I've been TRYING to find a good technique...
ONIKO: Shame he doesn't just call you, right Thief?
THIEF: You better believe it.
> said
> Ryoko looking over the lake, "yes, but I love you just as much"
THIEF <Adam>: Your eyesockets feel JUST as good, and you're still alive! It MUST be love! [pauses] Of course, with a little lube, that Sasami...
[OTHERS gag.]
==>[The last bit is a backhanded ref to that 'fanfic' which SDR mentioned, the 'really wrong one' a while back. If she or somebody else who's read it wants to tighten up the ref better, please be my guest. -Chimera]
> replied Adam looking into the water as a shoal of fish swam past,
SHERL: Isn't that a SCHOOL of fish?
ALAIR: And judging by the writing sample we have here, what do you possibly think the author knows about school?
> "Adam.. I want you to be honest, how do you feel about the others?"
ONIKO <Adam>: They're other people. They're not important.
> she said facing Adam, who just looked into the sky and said, "why do
> you ask me these questions?
BRANDT <Ryoko>: Well, they're in this script you gave me. But I still wish you'd give me better motivation than 'Ryoko tinks Adam RULZ!!!11!!'
-->SHERL <Adam>: Er...
==>MAX <Dr. Strange>: You answered a question with a question...
> and anyway, I love them like a family,
ONIKO <Adam>: -the one I didn't kill.
> as
> that is what you all have been to me for the last few weeks, yes, I
> have some feelings for Minagi,
THIEF <Adam>: -but then I remember what m-m-Mother told me about those feelings, so I have to press a hot curling iron against my p-penis.
VIPER: JESUS!
ALAIR: Viper doesn't even have genitals and HE'S horrified. Do you realize how much you crossed the line?
VIPER: Yeah! I don't even have- wait a damn minute.
> but if you don't want me to get
> involved with her if we split up, then fine I won't". The sun started
> to set as the two lovers got up
VIPER <DJ voice>: -AND GOT DOOOWN! GOT FUNKY!
> and entered the house,
VIPER <DJ voice>: TWO LOVAHS IN DAH HOOOUUUUSE!
> unknown to them,
VIPER <DJ voice>: UNKNOO-OOOOWN TO THEEEM! YEAAAH!
[The OTHERS take turns holding VIPER down and beating the hell out of him.]
> they were being watched.
[ALL look at each other.]
SHERL: I think he's on to us.
> "so let me get this straight, Adam can
> duplicate peoples powers, if comes in to contact with that person?"
VIPER <Washu>: Yep. I think I'm going to call him Gogo from now on.
> Washu nodded, "then how can he summon the night hawk wings?" Washu
> just shrugged, "well Adam said that he had absorbed some evil souls,
ALAIR: Oh, son of a -- now he's got Soma Cruz's powers!
MAX: [writing quickly] Adding to the list as we speak!
> maybe the combination of the light hawk wings and the great evil merged"
SHERL: But if light and dark merged, wouldn't they mix with each other and make the Dim Hawk Wings?
MAX: Dim Hawk Wings? Sounds like Chinese food.
> "its impossible that he can summon the light AND the night
> hawk wings, if the evil merged with the light hawk wings"
ALAIR <Washu>: Scientists have calculated that the chance of anything so patently absurd actually existing are millions to one.
MAX <Yosho>: But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.
> "true but
> maybe he can seperate the two"
ONIKO: So does that mean he becomes Dizzy?
MAX: Ew! Get that image out of my head!
> just then the door slid open and there
> stood Adam,
BRANDT <Adam>: Talking about people behind their backs is rude, you know? [A beat] At least wait 'til I'm out of earshot.
>"its time for dinner Washu, Master Yosho would you come
> and join us? I would be honoured" "certinly" replied Yosho, mentally
> sizing him up, "hmmm, tall, dark and powerful,
==>[ALL cough, sounding suspiciously like "homo priest".]
==>[OR]
==>ALL: *coughcoughHOMOPRIESTcough*
==>[OR]
==>SHERL: [tilting his head] This dialogue doesn't work for me.
==>VIPER: Imagine Adam as a young innocent child and Yosho as a Catholic priest.
==>SHERL: Ah, that puts it in perspective for me. [gags]
==>[OR]
SHERL: Well, that doesn't work at all.
MAX: Yeah, Yosho's not gay!
SHERL: I meant because Yosho's not a Catholic priest.
==>{Feel free to delete if too controversial. >BD -M.Poa}
==>[The controversy doesn't matter to me so much as it being written against style. -Chimera]
> yet still a boy,
==>THIEF <Yosho>: Mmm, JUST young enough to still be an altar boy. I can just picture him in his robes... Mmmm, yesss...
> just
> like Tenchi,
==>THIEF <Yosho>: -oh yeah, and I bet his ass is JUST as tight-
==>MAX: [facepalms] Oh my fucking God.
==>[Y'know, this may be my most disgusting chapter ever. -Chimera]
> even having trouble fending off the attention of the
> ladies like Tenchi" thought Yosho,
MILD ALT-->THIEF <Yosho>: I give him a nine point five on the Yoshometer.
ONIKO <Yosho>: Really needs to change that hat once in a while, though.
> "look Yosho, I know that you are
> wondering how I can summon the light and the night hawk wings, well,
VIPER <Adam>: -turns out I'm an SI! Isn't that so cool!?
ALAIR <Yosho>: Wow, that explains so much...
> I know how to summon them not why I can summon the two" it was then
> that the creature that was watching Adam earlier showed itself, it
> was a Zianoid
VIPER: So... it's a Noid from Domino's pizza, and an huge fan of Zia McCabe of the Dandy Worhols?
MAX: Yeah, I'm sure that's exactly what he meant. [eyeroll]
> "so you are the one I was sent to spy on, Adam",
MAX: I don't think you're supposed to show yourself to the people you're spying on.
ALAIR <sighing>: We're never going to see the author describing anything, are we?
ONIKO: Thank god.
> Adam stepped forward "yeah, that's my name, don't wear it out",
> Washu was
> busy mentally disecting the creature when it moved with such speed
> that it was a blur,
MAX: -which knocked the mental scalpel out of Wash's mental hand. So inconsiderate...
> but still the creature missed as Adam came out of
> the sky and landed on the creatures back
VIPER: Oooh! Adam's not attacking, he just wants to play horsie! Whee!
> and was gone again, to
> reappear in the stance of the Hokuto shin ken (fist of the north
> star),
ONIKO: All right, enough. There's only one way to deal with this.
[Grabs VIPER's magic kool-aid and pours glasses for everyone else.]
VIPER: Hey!
ONIKO: Every time he displays a new power, sip.
BRANDT <eyeing the glowing liquid>>: Is this stuff legal?
ALAIR <sipping>: God, I hope not.
==>[VIPER sulks.]
==>[I don't know if Viper's magic Kool-aid is even still canon, but what the hell. -Cosmos]
> while the creature turned around and spoke, "huh, you my be
> fast but speed is nothing without power,
BRANDT: As many a downed A-Wing pilot will testify.
> and you gonna dance or
> fight?" "fight, and your already dead" said Adam, relasing a
> deavstating flury of punches that just pounded the creature to a
VIPER: -liquid mess, useful in caulking bathtubs and sealing ships-in-a-bottle.
[BRANDT sniffs even more suspiciously at his cup of magic kool-aid.]
> blooded mess, and Adam gave the creature a soft touch to the head and
> turned away,
ONIKO <Excel>: Akurosu... Biyou Fistu.
> "now the grim reaper has come and touched you,
MAX: Now show me on this doll where the grim reaper touched you.
> pray for
> forgiveness" and as Adam had finished his sentance, the creatures
> head exploded,
THIEF <announcer>: Eh, it's okay. I give it a 5.4. Though those fine bone shards hit the grass with a kind of strange delicacy which I will treasure forever.
VIPER <announcer>: I disagree, Thief. It's got to be a 9.6. That brain is splashing Yosho and Washu in the face with authority. I can FEEL the hot grey matter coating my cheeks.
THIEF: You better stop that, I'm starting to get turned on here.
> "that was impressive, where did you learn it?" "I
> absorbed the knowlage of
SHERL: -Issei Mataloun.
MAX: You know, that would explain why the fic is so badly written as well.
> four people to learn the variations of the style,
MAX <Adam>: -and their catchphrases.
ALAIR <Adam>: Pity I couldn't absorb their grammar skills, though.
> and I could of killed him from where I stood, but it wouldn't
> of been fun",
ONIKO: Well, at least SOMEBODY here is enjoying themselves.
> and with that they continued their way back to Tenchi's
> house.
BRANDT <Yosho>: Excuse me, but this mess isn't going to clean itself up, you know.
> chapter 8: ahh, music to my ears
ALAIR <Kefka>: The screams of a thousand voices crying out in agony!
>
> After dinner, Adam sat outside and put a cd into a boom box that was
> in the back of his 'heap of junk' as he called it, the first track
> played was 9pm (till I come) <by ATB>
THIEF: [snorts] A, I'm not waiting till 9 pm to come. 2, I'm not coming by ATB.
> and this was followed by 'Sweet
> like chocolate <Shanks and bigfoot>' and 'Miami <Will smith>,
ONIKO: Blatant musical tastes plug. Check.
BRANDT: I'm surprised he didn't do it earlier.
> and while the music played, he was just gazing over the water when
> suddenly something caught his eye in the water,
BRANDT <Adam>: Ow! Give that back!
> "Pikame, I choose
> you" he whispered as he gently opened the pokeball, "Pikame,
> metamorphasis,
ONIKO <Pikame, singing>: I don't know what's wrong with me, I think I'm turning into a bug...
> Garados" Pika jumped into the water and changed in to
> Garados, "Pikame, check the water for anything
MAX <Pikame>: Hm, it looks like there's sand, and rocks, and fish, and plankton, and-
> then report back to
> me" the giant water pokemon nodded
MAX <Pikame>: Yeah, sure, check the water, whatever. Not like I've got a life or anything outside of you, 'Master'. I just hope the girls are still there when I get back...
> then disappered under the waters
> surface as Ryoko came out, just as 'love's got a hold of my heart'
> <steps>
ONIKO: Yeah, how many?
BRANDT: Huh?
ONIKO: How many steps?
BRANDT: ...five?
ONIKO: Pfft.
ALAIR: You know, its one thing to plug your tastes. Its another thing to do it when they're clearly bad tastes.
SHERL: Somebody was listening to BBC Radio 1 a bit too much.
==>[Mental note, it'd flow better if Oniko/Brandt's thing went first. -Chimera]
==>[Agreed and done. -t.]
> started to play, "what's the matter? you look disturbed?"
ALAIR: So is she looking stupefied?
VIPER: I believe she's down with the sickness.
ONIKO: If this keeps up, we haven't got a prayer.
> "nothing, I'm fine" "then why did you sent that creature to check the
> lake?"
BRANDT <Pikame>: [holding a clipboard] One lake. [peers out at the water] Cheeeck. [marks on his clipboard] Man, why can't he just do this himself?
> "I saw something bigger than a fish look out of the water so I
> sent Pikame in to check it out"
MAX <Pikame>: [mimes surfacing] Whoa yeah, you were right, it's got one HELL of a rack!
ALAIR: Y'know, I sincerely doubt that's how he meant 'check it out'.
> "that was Pikame?! wow, that's some
> trick you taught it, changing into other creatures"
ONIKO <Ryoko>: ...Mmm, the possibilities...
> "he taught it
> himself, when he was in the wild"
MAX: Wow, something which was twinky before Adam got his hands on it.
> "oh, well why don't you come in and
> lets have some fun" said Ryoko sliding her hand round Adam's waist,
> Pikame just broke the surface
BRANDT: Will that count for seven years bad luck?
VIPER: How much more bad luck does he need? He's Adam's Pokemon!
> and said "I found some fish men
> swimming this way, and they don't look happy"
FIXED-->ALAIR: When did they relocate from Innsmouth?
MAX: Of course, since he's a Pokemon, it all came out as "pika pikachu, pika pika!"
VIPER: He taught it to talk?
ONIKO: All right, it's iffy, but I'll call that one. Sip.
[All sip.]
-->[You mean, relocate FROM Innsmouth, I assume. -Chimera]
> "thanks Pikame,
ALAIR <Pikame>: Hey, you pika-me, I pika-you up-a!
[OTHERS groan.]
> could you become Lapras and use ice beam on them?"
THIEF <Pikame>: Uh, yeah. Look, Mister Armchair General... Why don't you let *ME* pick what *I* am going to change into, and you stick with what you're good at. Whatever THAT is. [laughs derisively]
> "Sure" "Sarah" said Adam
> tapping his breast pocket, and out popped a mouse, "Sarah, change in
> to a Kingler and bring me the creatures that Pikame freezes"
ALAIR: Hey, that's the Sarah he was talking to before! And... she can become a werewolf?
ONIKO: You're paying WAY too much attention to this. I recommend a stiff belt of kool-aid, or suicide before the pain grows too great.
> the
> mouse just nodded and leaped out of the pocket and changeed into the
> giant crab pokemon and headed for the water.
VIPER: Shouldn't that read 'scuttled comically sideways for the water'?
SHERL: Uh, no, it shouldn't. If it did it'd take a lot longer to go through this.
> "finally we're alone,
> again, everybody went to bed, because they had a hard day"
MAX: Hell, how many soft days can there be when you're stuck with Adam?
THIEF: He excites you that much?
MAX: NO! I meant... hell, forget it.
> said Ryoko
> once again slipping her hand around Adam's waist
ONIKO: Check it out, she's got Final Fantasy X hand-gesture disease.
> just before a chunk
> of ice broke the surface of the water, "son of a bitch! can't we ever
> get any privacy anywhere!"
BRANDT: Uh, maybe it'd help if you turned off the fic-camera?
> said Ryoko getting really upset,
ONIKO: I guess Ryoko doesn't follow the idea that good things come to those who wait.
SHERL: Rhetorical question: when has a lack of privacy ever bother Ryoko?
> Adam just
> sat there calmy watching as several other blocks of ice broke the
> surface as sarah and Pikame returned with eight fish men and a
> repitilian looking creature, Pikame asked, "what should we do now?",
==>THIEF: Cooked and eat the fish men.
==>[OR]
THIEF <Adam>: Clearly, we should have sex with their frozen bodies for the kink value, then barbeque them.
MAX <wide-eyed>: But, uh, wouldn't the food have, you know... have your... manjuice in them?
THIEF: Just think of that as the 'secret sauce'. S'why I always drink fruit juice before barbequing.
> Adam said "return" holding out a pokeball as Pikame returned to his
> pokeball,
VIPER <Pikame>: He never let's me stick around for the good stuff. Jerk.
> and Sarah jumped back into his pocket changing into a mouse
> while she was in the air.
ALAIR: So... he's actually GOT a trouser mouse. [shakes her head] Sad, sad, sad.
Posted on Jan 14, 2004, 9:41 PM from IP address 172.154.30.72