Rules of Negotiation and Our Demands:

1) Make us laugh. Or die trying.
2) Don't be surprised if you find yourself verbally pistol-whipped. It's all in the spirit of fun.
3) We want a helicopter...because hostage takers always ask for one in the movies, right? We don't ride no stinkin' buses. If you don't have a helicopter, make rotor noises by thumping on your chest while you linger, at least.
4) Don't be surprised if a cheese monkey mistakes you for a mate while you make rotor noises. Feed the cheese monkey at your own peril.
5) We're out of cheese. Bring cheese.
6) Papi's rule: Refrain from using the word "pussy" during negotiations, or risk the wrath of a scrawny Texan.
7) Take the feuding and flaming elsewhere. We're kinder, gentler hostage takers.
8) We want lots of bubble wrap. Stand-offs can be a bitch.
9) Run your cat through the shredder before entering. There's nothing like the sound of a screeching cat to break the tension.
10) Tell the SWAT team to keep their distance. But you're welcome to join in if you're new here. Don't be shy!

 

<< Previous Topic | Next Topic >> Return to Sanity Held Hostage   Did you..... March 24 2002 at 4:57 PM No score for this post Candy  (no login) from IP address 209.153.172.17 - Order that bubble wrap yet.....??   Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts. Respond to this message    Author Reply (Login bawdy) Forum Owner 64.230.122.170 Re: Did you..... No score for this post March 24 2002, 8:07 PM  Of course..I'm having too much fun popping it to post. I'll give you my Oscar picks if you want.. Best Picture: A Beautiful Mind Actor: Russell Crowe Actress: Sissy Spacek Supporting Actor: Ben Kingsley Supporting Actress: Marisa Tomei Director: Robert Altman Of course, I haven't seen any of the movies yet. I'm channeling my picks through Shirley MacLaine.   Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts. (Login bawdy) Forum Owner 216.209.75.181 Re: Did you..... No score for this post March 25 2002, 2:59 PM  One out of six. I'm hot! Who wants a tarot reading?   Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts. Candy (no login) 209.153.172.151 Re: Did you..... No score for this post March 26 2002, 8:56 AM  I would love a tarot reading please.   Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts. Candy (no login) 209.153.172.151 Re: Did you..... No score for this post March 26 2002, 9:02 AM  Oh that reminds me, I heard on the radio that someone, somewhere has been investigating Ms. Cleo. They did a search for her birth certificate, and they say she is a California native, born and rasied there, with no Jamacian heritage. Who would have guessed that?? They gave her real name and her parents names and all this. Imagine the devistation that this has caused the hearts of millions of Ms. Cleo fans around the world!! Next thing you know they will be investigating the Rev. Jim from Taxi.   Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts. (Login bawdy) Forum Owner 64.230.120.91 Re: Did you..... No score for this post March 26 2002, 2:57 PM  Tarot reading..ummm..I see you as an old lady. Oh wait, I was using Old Maid cards. Will they do? I seem to have misplaced the tarot cards. Ms. Cleo, a fraud? Damn, I want all my money back. Jennifer Lopez should have asked Ms. Cleo about her hairstyle before the Oscars. What was she thinking? Same with Gwyneth Paltrow about her dress. Or at least whether or not she should wear a bra.   Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts. Candy (no login) 209.153.172.136 Re: Did you..... No score for this post March 27 2002, 8:16 PM  Ah yes old maid, I think that sums it up nicely. You are incredible!! Oh I didn't watch the oscar's or whatever those awards are. I have never had an interst in that. It's like watching a fishing show....or bowling.....too much excitement for an old maid!!   Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts. (Login bawdy) Forum Owner 64.230.120.124 Re: Did you..... No score for this post March 28 2002, 2:50 PM  The Oscars are always good just to see what the gals are (or often are not) wearing. And they remind me why I can't stand Julia Roberts. I heard that Lyle Lovett broke his leg in about 28 places trying to save his uncle from a bull. It probably beats an evening with Julia though.   Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts. Candy (no login) 209.153.172.202 Re: Did you.... No score for this post March 28 2002, 8:36 PM  Did you hear what Lyle Lovett's uncle's name is?? He is none other than....Calvin Klein.   Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts. (Login bawdy) Forum Owner 216.209.73.210 Re: Did you..... No score for this post March 28 2002, 8:45 PM  heh. Too bad it wasn't the Calvin Klein. I heard the bull turned on Lyle after he started singing If I Were The Woman You Wanted to distract the bull.      This message has been edited by bawdy from IP address 216.209.75.238 on Mar 29, 2002 3:38 PM   Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts. Candy (no login) 209.153.172.27 Re: Did you.... No score for this post March 29 2002, 8:54 PM  Well then the bull was totally within his rights. However, look at Lyle Lovett, wouldn't one look at him make you turn on him too? Yes I know it isn't "the" Calvin Klein, but you know I kept thinking about M.J. Fox in Back to the Future when I read that.   Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts. (Login bawdy) Forum Owner 216.209.73.145 Re: Did you..... No score for this post March 29 2002, 9:01 PM  "However, look at Lyle Lovett, wouldn't one look at him make you turn on him too?" Only in a sexual way. heh I'M KIDDING!!!!   Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts. Candy (no login) 209.153.172.171 Re: Did you..... No score for this post March 30 2002, 9:25 PM  Oh how I wish I could post how hard I am laughing!!!   Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts. (Login bawdy) Forum Owner 64.230.122.23 Re: Did you..... No score for this post March 31 2002, 2:22 PM  Shoot milk out of your nose hard? Pee your pants hard? Shoot milk out of your nose and pee your pants hard?   Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts. Candy (no login) 209.153.172.230 Re: Did you.... No score for this post March 31 2002, 5:16 PM  Tears were running down my face.   Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts. (Login bawdy) Forum Owner 64.230.122.23 Re: Did you..... No score for this post March 31 2002, 7:32 PM  So were your neighbours. Those people are vicious. Is that really a nose job?   Scoring disabled. You must be logged in to score posts. 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