Rules of Negotiation and Our Demands:

1) Make us laugh. Or die trying.
2) Don't be surprised if you find yourself verbally pistol-whipped. It's all in the spirit of fun.
3) We want a helicopter...because hostage takers always ask for one in the movies, right? We don't ride no stinkin' buses. If you don't have a helicopter, make rotor noises by thumping on your chest while you linger, at least.
4) Don't be surprised if a cheese monkey mistakes you for a mate while you make rotor noises. Feed the cheese monkey at your own peril.
5) We're out of cheese. Bring cheese.
6) Papi's rule: Refrain from using the word "pussy" during negotiations, or risk the wrath of a scrawny Texan.
7) Take the feuding and flaming elsewhere. We're kinder, gentler hostage takers.
8) We want lots of bubble wrap. Stand-offs can be a bitch.
9) Run your cat through the shredder before entering. There's nothing like the sound of a screeching cat to break the tension.
10) Tell the SWAT team to keep their distance. But you're welcome to join in if you're new here. Don't be shy!

 


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Round Two

May 23 2002 at 4:11 PM
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  (Login bawdy)
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from IP address 64.230.121.90

 
Yes, another night of celebrity boxing has come and gone. I watched, and in truth, a couple of the matches sounded intriguing. Alas, I was highly disappointed.

Bout One: Darva Conger easily handled a game, but outmatched, Olga Korbut. I didn't realize Conger was as tough as she is..plus she had five inches in height, eleven pounds, and is eleven years younger than Korbut.

Bout Two: Dustin Diamond vs. Ron Palillo. Total mismatch. Screech is three inches taller, 54 pounds heavier, and 23 years younger than Horshack. Guess who won? Palillo's facial expressions were comical. He couldn't be saved by the bell though. And yes, that cliche was beat into the ground last night.

Bout Three: Manute Bol vs. William Perry. The match I really wanted to see. The 7'7" toothpick against the 400 plus pound refrigerator. Major letdown! The Fridge couldn't mount any offense at all, and Manute connected with an occasional jab. Mostly they just stood around.

Bout Four: Joey Buttafuoco vs. Joanie Lerner (Chyna of WWF fame). Who wouldn't like to see Joey knocked on his ass? Unfortunately it never happened. He basically manhandled Chyna. Class act that he is, he even tossed her onto the mat. He won a split decision, but to me it was obvious that he won. The rounds are too short. I would have liked this match to be longer.

A final note: John Wayne Bobbitt couldn't fight in this one because he was charged after beating up his wife. How many times do you have to cut off a guy's pecker before he learns to respect women???

 
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Candy
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Re: Round Two

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May 25 2002, 8:21 PM 



As for John Wayne Bobbitt.....well I guess he needs round 2 of sugery on the pecker.

 
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(Login bawdy)
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216.209.74.202

Re: Round Two

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May 26 2002, 3:08 PM 

I think he's gotten in the habit of carrying a sewing kit everywhere he goes now.

 
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