1) Make us laugh. Or die trying.
2) Don't be surprised if you find yourself verbally pistol-whipped. It's all in the spirit of fun.
3) We want a helicopter...because hostage takers always ask for one in the movies, right? We don't ride no stinkin' buses. If you don't have a helicopter, make rotor noises by thumping on your chest while you linger, at least.
4) Don't be surprised if a cheese monkey mistakes you for a mate while you make rotor noises. Feed the cheese monkey at your own peril.
5) We're out of cheese. Bring cheese.
6) Papi's rule: Refrain from using the word "pussy" during negotiations, or risk the wrath of a scrawny Texan.
7) Take the feuding and flaming elsewhere. We're kinder, gentler hostage takers.
8) We want lots of bubble wrap. Stand-offs can be a bitch.
9) Run your cat through the shredder before entering. There's nothing like the sound of a screeching cat to break the tension.
10) Tell the SWAT team to keep their distance. But you're welcome to join in if you're new here. Don't be shy!
People magazine reports that Jackson has a 6-month-old boy, whom he calls Prince Michael II. He reportedly introduced the baby to his magician friends Siegfried and Roy backstage at their Las Vegas show on July 30.
The article in the magazine's Sept. 2 issue quotes an anonymous friend who says the baby was not adopted. No one will say who the child's mother is.
The singer already has two children with ex-wife Debbie Rowe: a 5-year-old boy, Prince Michael I, and a 4-year-old girl, Paris. The couple divorced in 1999.
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No, naturally the "King of Pop"'s kids are princes and princesses of pop. Michael has a skin disorder?
I think the artist formerly known as Prince now is called..ummm..who cares?
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Shorti (no login) 12.90.170.161
Skin disorder
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August 30 2002, 7:24 AM
One of the urban legends about Michael is that he has a patchy skin disorder that turns part of his skin white....and that this is why he's had his skin bleached out...but no one really knows.
His poor kids, within a few years he will be noseless and scare the F*** out of them.
Michael can get one of millions of women to sleep with him to have a baby...believe me, the fans are so devoted it's like a sickness of some kind.
Talent does not account for taste I suppose.
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I don't believe he has a skin disorder. Like in the novel Black Like Me, I think he had something injected that altered his pigmentation. Look how obsessed about his facial features he is.
Maybe he's actually a good parent. More likely his kids have nightmares about him. I had nightmares about a stuffed monkey in my closet when I was a kid. But if I had had a real life freak like Michael moving around the house, I bet I'd be in therapy today.
Are there any fans of Michael Jackson left from the 80's to sleep with him? He's been irrelevant since.
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Anonymous (no login) 12.90.169.89
Re: The latest thriller from Michael Jackson...
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August 31 2002, 8:40 AM
First, I'd be scared as fuck because without makeup, he's probably extremely frightening. Remember when he wanted the Elephant Man's bones???? I think he's mutating.
As far as being a good parent, we won't ever know. Maybe in 25 years or so we will, but who will care?
The skin disorder is a real phenomena for some people. I wasn't sure if you were saying it does not exist at all or just for Mike.
Lastly, what planet do you live on that you think there are NO FANS LEFT of this man? His recent concert had thousands of people, all ages, colors, etc. screaming his name (one year ago). He still puts on shows everywhere and gets thousands of letters each day. I personally think he is very talented and an excellent performer, choreographer and dancer, but I wouldn't sleep with him. I think I'd rather do Edward Scissorhands.
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I'm not saying such a skin order doesn't exist. I highly doubt Michael is afflicted by it though.
Of course there are idiot fans willing to sleep with him. Shows like Jerry Springer are testament that a freak factor exists out there. It's just hard to believe anyone can be that fanatic or star struck. I also think not all of those screaming fans would go so far as to do the nasty with him..especially with the lights on.
Having his child is another thing. I'll bet you there was an exchange of money.
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Shorti (no login) 12.90.168.183
I was thinking the same exact thing
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September 1 2002, 8:59 AM
I think if Michael gave me $10,000,000 I might pop out a kid for him but I would REALLY need to think about it first. ICK.
I am CERTAIN that someone got money for these babies. I am so curious, has anyone seen the children? Are they "white" appearing or what?
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You'd have sex with him as part of the ten million? Ewww! I wouldn't have any kind of physical contact with him for any amount of money.
I haven't seen any of the kids. I don't even know if the mothers are black or white. Or human, for that matter.
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Shorti (no login) 12.90.168.194
WAIT
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September 1 2002, 8:27 PM
I never said I'd have sex with him, but now that I think of it, I don't think I'd let him have a kid I popped out either. The deal is off. I might sell him an egg for $20 million.
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Well, you've seen how meticulous he's been in reconstructing his face. God knows what he's done to the rest of his body. Maybe his nose isn't all that he's shaved down to razor sharpness.
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Shorti (no login) 12.90.168.188
Great job Rick
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September 4 2002, 1:05 AM
you just succeeded in giving me a nightmare for the week.
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Heck, if he can hide a kid for three months, God knows what other secrets he has. If the thought of that gives you nightmares, just remember that his kids are living a nightmare.
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Shorti (no login) 12.90.167.187
Probably
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September 5 2002, 12:58 AM
It's either that he's a great dad and we're all wrong or those kids are in trouble.
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Even his friends are dysfunctional. Liza, Liz, Webster. It has to be a weird environment to be raised in. Surgical masks, hypobaric chambers, Neverland. I doubt he's sexually abusing his kids and is well-intentioned..but Michael is just not normal (understatement). Hopefully he has nannies or some kind of mother figures around the kids.
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Current Topic - The latest thriller from Michael Jackson...
