1) Make us laugh. Or die trying.
2) Don't be surprised if you find yourself verbally pistol-whipped. It's all in the spirit of fun.
3) We want a helicopter...because hostage takers always ask for one in the movies, right? We don't ride no stinkin' buses. If you don't have a helicopter, make rotor noises by thumping on your chest while you linger, at least.
4) Don't be surprised if a cheese monkey mistakes you for a mate while you make rotor noises. Feed the cheese monkey at your own peril.
5) We're out of cheese. Bring cheese.
6) Papi's rule: Refrain from using the word "pussy" during negotiations, or risk the wrath of a scrawny Texan.
7) Take the feuding and flaming elsewhere. We're kinder, gentler hostage takers.
8) We want lots of bubble wrap. Stand-offs can be a bitch.
9) Run your cat through the shredder before entering. There's nothing like the sound of a screeching cat to break the tension.
10) Tell the SWAT team to keep their distance. But you're welcome to join in if you're new here. Don't be shy!
Yeah, but you can only talk so much about MJ. And everyone agrees that he's a freak. And my porcupine/skunk dilemma couldn't even muster up a discussion. [sniff]
How about that sniper in Maryland? Why can't he just shoot people that we wouldn't miss? Like Martha Stewart. The list starts here...
This message has been edited by bawdy from IP address 67.68.3.203 on Oct 14, 2002 8:44 PM
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Shorti (no login) 12.90.181.135
Sniper List
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October 14 2002, 3:44 PM
At first, I was like, "How can he make a joke out of that tragedy" but then, I realized that I TOO had people for the list...and as ashamed as I am....
Bin Laden
Sadaam Hussein
Dan Quayle
Dr. Laura
John ______ from Crossing Over
and ... this woman named Jen....'nuff said
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But it wouldn't have been a tragedy in the first place if he took care of our list and left his random victims alone.
Why Dan Quayle? I think George W. would be the better boob to knock off. Dick Chaney is running things anyway. (Note to FBI: we are not seriously condoning this!!!)
I've never heard Dr. Laura or watched Crossing Over, but based on promos for Dr. Phil's show, I'd include him. And Jerry Springer. And anyone behind reality tv shows.
Former Ontario premier, Mike Harris.
Eric Lindros.
Vince McMahon.
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Candy (no login) 209.153.172.54
Re: NEW IDEAS NEEDED FOR this place!
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October 14 2002, 7:29 PM
my sniper list is too long to post here....I vote for George to be on the list over Dan as well.
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Let's not forget O.J. Simpson. The thought of him out there golfing every day is disturbing.
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Shorti (no login) 12.90.173.59
Yeah...OJ SIMPSON
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October 15 2002, 11:59 PM
And I heard today that he is supposedly a dark-skinned man, not black, possibly Arabic or Hispanic...and that they found a van the same color with a gun, and a book about becoming a sniper, with arabic America-hate group literature...and the van belonged to a guy who WAS a sniper in the military.......but they decided somehow it's NOT THE GUY....
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I couldn't find any such report on CNN's website. They can't get a composite sketch of the guy due to varying witness reports. Killing someone who worked for the FBI was a mistake. They'll be really be trying to catch him now.
But add sniper guy to our list. He might as well off himself when he's through.
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Shorti (no login) 12.90.173.135
I don't know
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October 17 2002, 7:50 AM
My Dad told me the whole thing about the guy and the van.....as I was at a gas station and he was warning me about the sniper shooting me. I'm not even from that area.....Thanks Dad.
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(no login) 67.68.1.249
Maybe not..
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October 17 2002, 2:48 PM
..but he sure has the whole Maryland/D.C./northern Virginia area pretty tense. He could take his act on the road next. And there's always the possibility of copycats. You just never know. But people can't stay prisoners in their own homes. Trouble is, Bush will continue getting money from the NRA, and it will remain as convenient as ever to buy firearms.
Someone should invent guns that will leave some kind of signature on bullets as they're fired so you'd know who fired them. If all the guns were registered, you'd know who shot somebody. That way, killers could only use stolen guns, or ones produced before the ones that personalized the bullets. Over time it would become increasingly difficult to easily attain an older firearm.
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SHORTI (no login) 12.90.171.203
RICH FOR PRES
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October 17 2002, 8:27 PM
I think this gun idea is fabulous. Whoops, you can't be a president of the US you were born in Canada.
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No thanks! I'm too lazy. I could do without the stress too. And I might use the bomb on the Czech Republic or some other country if they beat Canada in hockey.
But I'm sure something could be done. How about imbedding something inside the bullet itself that would identify people. Sure, there'd be the inconvenience of having to order ammunition in advance, but so what? If they can build things like stealth bombers, they can come up with a solution to the gun problem. It won't happen though because the NRA would be dead set against it.
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Shorti (no login) 12.90.172.10
Not sure which idea is better
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October 18 2002, 6:43 PM
this gun one or the move to the new message board.....I know, the board!
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