Ok. Basically, the main things, I believe, are pointed out ^^:;;;;; the predatory and the confusion at the Ordeal. So i'm not going into too much details, just gonna say something that gives me a deep impression.
Personally, I rather like the way you describe the actions in the Ordeal. I happened to think that its quite intriguing. Indeed, the usage of 'he' makes the whole part kinda confusing. I believe Nagy would help you with it?
stares at Nagy 
Urm, something I would like to point out though. It might be just me but O_O i dunno, I just had to say this.
*He ran back to his small wooden house to get a warm blanket, and rushed back to where the creature was.*
Urm. Ok. About this sentence, it hits me as an easy three step move. Walk a step, pick up blanket, turn around. ^^;; Is Kogure's house near the stream? Or is it far far away? From this line, I have the impression its really near. O_O Sometimes I just bother too much about little things. Maybe you can think about this line and oh... you don't have to work too much on it. Just somewhat edit it a little?
*squirms* this line makes me kinda... uncomfortable.
Here's another line that made me really confused.
*So he turned to get some sekhmet and a strange orange powder that was usually unused by his kind.*
Urm. What powder? What is his kind? Why doesn't his kind use the strange orange powder? ^^;; That, I believe, you have to be more detailed? Cause, urm, seriously, I was rather irritated by that line. O_O. Because you did not state who exactly is Kogure and why is it unused? Or did you plan not to reveal it until later? If so, then I suppose you have to scrape this line or edit it.
The rest of the fics doesn't irritate me much,
so I shan't comment on it or else nagy won't be doing her job. nahahaha. ^^:;;;;;;;;
This fic, generally, is very interesting. The kind of fics, I'll actually wait for the next part to come. ^^ But do not rush yourself. Rushing doesn't do any good to you nor the fic. Good luck with the editing of this part and the upcoming parts. ^^ Shall comment till here then. ^^V
Yolande
Gold Chibi Ellie