I only quickly scanned over the original rp, and I guess I have to agree with Nagy and Yevvy...
First off, the style in which it was written (rp) isn't really appropriate for fics , perhaps with the exception of humour...
Also, the language that was used wasn't too crash hot, either. shrugs
That being said, I thought that Liez's "rewrite" actually shows some promise... don't know if it's the hentai in me, but I'd definitely read a fic like that... wicked grin
So, that's about all from me... ^^
- Ju-chan -
The Blue Elephant
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