Finally got some friggin' time to post here. Anyway, the fic was a light read. Entertainment through and through. Often amusing. ^^ A few pointers:
---“Me? Hah!” Sendoh scoffed indignantly, as if wide-eyed apprehension wasn’t blatantly evident on his pale face.---
Blatant already means completely obvious so adding the evident there makes the sentence redundant. I'll leave the corrections to you since you already have a solid grasp of the language. ^^
---Hikoichi then said goodbye to his own contribution, his favourite Bryan Adams CD, with a slightly tremulous voice and… was that a tear in his eye?---
I'm saying it now that I often get punctuations sorely mucked up and I'm willing to be corrected here. With the "own contribution, his favourite Bryan Adams CD...." I thought maybe a colon would be more appropriate instead of a comma, either that or place 'his favourite Bryan Adams CD' between dashes? Again, I'm willing to be corrected here. Punctuation connoisseurs, please stand up.
---'Our Efficient, But Most Importantly, Free Spy’---
'Our Efficient And, Most Importantly, Free Spy'
That's all. The ending seemed to be missing something though. I can't place a finger on it but generally, I liked it. ^^ This is good work.
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The Purple Ellie
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