At times I reflect on what happened with those times... we had friendship, and all of us were happy... you were happy playing basketball and I could see that, liked that... but in this life, nothing is forever... eternal is a word that lies to everyone... people move on... people change... all in the race to get on with their lives... these lives, that lives no room for them to hold on to friendship and love...
Sometimes, deep down inside, I feel guilty, I feel that it might in some way by my fault, for this to happen. After all, I did encourage you to start playing basketball again... but then again, who could have anticipated such an ending.
It was the game of your life. Finally the coachs of Japan National Team had fixed their eyes in you, and you were decided to show them that you were the best. But I knew that something was wrong. I had seen you the night before, taking some pills, because the pain in your injured leg was too big.
Of course, I went to support you, as always... long time had passed since the high school years, when I went to the matches with a big flag and yelled as a cheerleader anytime you made a 3-pointer, but I still went to the matches... I knew that you were thankful of having someone there, supporting you.
But you never arrived to that game... the coach had to put another player in your place, and the coachs of the Japan National Team just stood up from their places and left.
I ran to your apartment. Ran with all my forces. I needed to see you... I needed to see that you were alright... but all I saw was the ambulance leaving, and your apartment empty.
They say it was an accident, and I believed them. It was impossible for you to take those pills on purpose... maybe your knee hurt too much, and you didn’t realize what you were doing... you were so happy, so full of life, that I just couldn’t believe that you tried to end with all of that... I just couldn’t believe that you tried to kill yourself.
And now I’m here, outside the building in where I work, waiting for ‘Chains’ to come and then go to see you. I remember when this just happened. Lot of persons went to see you daily, sent you flowers and cards... but they lost their hopes with time... even your parents started going once monthly, and I... well, I had to reduce my visits to once a week, but the hope never died in me.
“Yo, man!” I lift my head and realize that ‘Chains’ is standing in front of me. I smile at him, he has been a good friend of mine... maybe the best, since that day.
“Hey! I saw Tetsuo today... he told me that he went to see Hisashi yesterday...”
Tetsuo. Yes, he has been as faithful as us. I remember I saw him in the hospital that day. He was propped in a wall and his hands trembled as he lightened a cigarrete. I walked towards him, but he turned and walked out of the hospital. I could swear I saw tears in his eyes.
We arrive to his room and knock the door. He opens it, as always. I look into those deep brown eyes, that seem to reflect more tiredness week after week. He’s the only one who still comes daily... though this is consuming him like hell.
“Hi, guys!” he smiles at us. Even through all his pain and sadness, Kogure still has a sweet smile to share with us. We smile back at him, and then enter the room.
“I was just leaving... I’ll see you next week, ‘kayz??”
“Okay...” I smile at him and watch him leaving the room. Then I turn to the bed. There he is, as always. His eyes opened, staring at the white roof, without really looking at it. Any simbol that he’s still alive, except for the beep that the machine does.
Suddenly, I remember the day when Hisashi’s grandmother died. I remember it as if it was yesterday...
*****
“Are you okay, Mitsui?”
“Yes... at least it was something fast, you know?? I wouldn’t have endured to see her suffering.”
“But you would have had her more time by your side...”
“But connected to a machine!!” he sighed, “No, Nori... if that was my case, I would prefer to die than that!!”
*****
“Hey, Nori... stop staring at that machine, will ya??”
I blink and realize I was day-dreaming again. It always happens to me.
“I’m going to buy a coffee... do you want one??”
“No, thanks ‘Chains’...”
“Okay...” he leaves the room. I take a chair and sit by Hisashi’s side, holding his hand in between mines.
“Hisashi... why don’t you come back to us?? Come back to your friends, to the ones who love you...”
But, as always, silence is the only thing who answers me. I look at the machine again, hearing its beeping... then I look at Hisashi, and tears start rolling down my cheeks.
“Why are you connected to this machine, Hisashi? If you wanted to leave us, why don’t you do it??” I caress his cheek with one hand, “We will always have the memories of our happy times together... and someday we’ll be together again, if heaven really exists... but you can’t stay here anymore, Hisashi... you have to take the next step.”
Then I take the string that it's connected to him and pull it off... after a moment, a new sound greets me, not the beeps that I’ve been listening for years in this room, but a long and lonely beep, and I know that Hisashi left our world, and that finally he is going to wherever he has to go, instead of staying here just to make our hopes grow in vain.
I connect the string again, kiss his forehead and leave the room when the doctors and nurses enter with all those resurrection machines that I know will be useless this time.
‘Chains’ runs towards the room too, but I stop him and hug him. He understands and starts crying with all his forces.
“I couldn’t even say goodbye to him!!” he sobs.
“I’m sure he already know everything you would want to tell him...” I hug him tighter. Tomorrow I’ll have to call Kogure... and Tetsuo.
~OWARI~
Just some notes... the last line I don't want to change it... ^^;;;
^^;;;;; Don’t worry Merc-chan, I’m not THAT harsh. Leave that word to describe Yevvy. giggles Er, anyway, here are some of my suggestions for this fic, however to accept them is your own prerogative.
Let me say now that I’m not yet done with the WHOLE fic since I'm also I’m typing out a research paper and I'm kinda busy.
Sorry! bows down I’ll try finishing the rest later.
The Next Step
by Sailor Mercury
At times I reflect on what happened [with—“to” is a more appropriate word in this case] those times...
[Perhaps it would be better if you ended the previous line with a colon before making the transition to “we had friendship….”]
we had friendship, and all of us were happy... [end this as a sentence] [you—perhaps you could make this all caps or put into italics to provide emphasis] were happy playing [basketball and I could see that, liked that.…forever—perhaps you could try with “basketball—I could see that. Liked that. But in this life, nothing is forever.” [eternal is a word that lies to everyone—um, perhaps you could rephrase this to create a more dramatic effect, for example, use “eternity” instead of “eternal” and look on it as more of an “idea” rather than a meager “word”.] [people move on... people change... all in the race to get on with their lives...—there are unnecessary periods in this line. They’re good but the you could do without the numerous periods. ^^;;;; “People move on. People change, all in the race to get on with their lives.] [these lives, that lives no room for them to hold on to friendship and love...—Try “Lives that leave no room for them—for US—to hold on to friendship and love.” When you used “them” it appeared as if you were excluding the speaker from the human populace. ^^;;;;]
Sometimes, deep down inside, I feel guilty[,—period would be more appropriate.] [I feel that it might in some way by my fault, for this to happen.—there’s nothing wrong with sentence structure here but it could be improved. For example, “I feel that I am somewhat responsible for this happening.”] After all, I [did—italicize or make to all caps for emphasis] encourage you to start playing basketball again. [end this with just ONE period, dear] [but—you can remove this word] Then again, who could have anticipated such an ending. [“would” is more appropriate than “could”.]
It was the game of your life. [It? What “it” are you talking about here? You may have mentioned the word “basketball in the previous paragraph but this is a whole new one. It won’t be redundant to use the word again to make it clearer to the readers.] Finally the coachs of Japan National Team had fixed their eyes in you, and you were decided to show them that you were the best. [Um, there are several mistakes here and the transition from the previous sentence to the next wasn’t that good. Try “When the coaches of the Japan National Team had finally fixed their eyes on you, you had been determined to show them that you were the best.” Or something like that. ^^;;;;] But I knew that something was wrong. I had seen you the night before, taking some pills, because the pain in your injured leg was too big. [Hmm, maybe you should try a different approach. Wouldn’t it be more logical if Mitsui was trying to hide the injury? Maybe something to the effect of “I saw you the other night taking some pills and though you wouldn’t speak of anything, blah, blah, blah.” ^^;;; You know what I mean? Again, its only a suggestion]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll end it here. Gomen! Meanwhile, here's an advanced hug from me just in case Yevvy starts blowing fire at you for no particular reason later on--she DID say she was a violent person. sweatdrop Heehee. hugs Merc
Okee, later!
-- Nagyra/Na-chan
Rukawa-uke no Seishi
Rukawa in Yaoi no Seishi
MakiFuji no Seishi
About this fic, is anybody doing it? cos i'm slightly aware that this is suppose to be my job points at the pov
but then, merc might want to appoint someone with better language and stuff?
I suppose Merky can choose, but then I think you can do it well enough. ^^;;;; Already did the first part so that's less job for you. ^^ But if you want to start over, I wouldn't mind and I don't think Merc-chan would either.
-- Naggy
This message has been edited by Nagyra from IP address 208.160.252.171 on Feb 5, 2002 2:01 PM