Greetings to all,
I come to this site for help with my negative body image. I have been told more than once to seek professional help with this as it would help tremendously but I can't seem to bring myself to that. The rational part of me knows that there is more to life than weight and looks but the crazy part of me can't get past it all. I can't recall how long I have been this way as it feels like forever. The fact that I have gained 30 pounds does not help the situation at all. You would think someone so concerned with their weight and body would never gain that much weight but here I am, big booty and all!! My mind is so tired of worrying about this. I wake up in the middle of the night wondering if I am really worse than what I perceive and everyone is just being nice and not telling me the truth since I already have such a problem. So now, not only am I miserable in the day but I can't even get a little peace by sleeping and getting away from myself. One of my biggest concerns is the fact (God willing) that I will have a child someday and I could pass this illness I battle on to him or her. The thought of it makes a huge lump in my throat. NO ONE should have to endure this. I also feel I could be a much better wife, friend, and collegue if I didn't focus on the how much I hate myself. The energy I waste is unbelievable because I am quite a ferocious person. It would be unimaginable the things I could accomplish if I could refocus the energy! I am currently taking Cymbalta as I got to a point of pure anger with everyone and everything. The slightest thing would set me off and my husband just couldn't take it anymore. Taking this med has helped the anger issue but definitely not the body image. I know I have to conquer this in my own mind but I have no idea where to start. I have tried the positive image quotes, praying, even the rubber band on the wrist. Nothing can stop my headstrong ways. Combine a headstrong, opinionated, outspoken person with a mental illness and you have very diffucult situation! I guess my hope is someone out there is reading this and thinking "wow did I type that" since you feel so similiar. Maybe together we can work this out..................
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