Margaret,I might surprise you and be there after all. It was great seeing you again last year. I'm going to dinner tomorrow night with Dennis Barbier and I'll talk to him about the christmas party. We had a great time last year and we both agreed that you were the life of the party.
John, just how big is that portfolio of yours? The reason I'm asking is because I've got a tip on some stock in the "beefsteak mines" and I was just wondering if a fine upstanding man of the cloth like yourself would be interested.
Egbert Souse: I met a poor fellow who's in trouble. Something the matter with his grandmother's paisley shawl. He has 5,000 shares in the Beefsteak Mine and you can buy them for a handful of hay.
Og Oggleby: Hay? And they're worth..?
Egbert: Ten cents a share. Telephone sold for five cents a share. How would you like something better for ten cents a share? If five gets ya ten, ten'll get ya twenty. A beautiful home in the country, upstairs and down. Beer flowing through the estate over your grandmother's paisley shawl.
Egbert: Beer! Fishing in the stream that runs under the arboreal dell. A man comes up from the bar, dumps $3,500 in your lap for every nickel invested. Says to you, 'Sign here on the dotted line.' And then disappears in the weaving fields of alfalfa.
Og: Gosh! Do you think he was telling the truth?
Egbert: You don't think a man would resort to terra-diddle, do you? Why, he sounded like a child at the very thought of disposing of these shares. How does the bank make its money?
Og: By investing.
Egbert: That's the point. You don't want to work all your life. Take a chance. Take it while you're young. My uncle, a balloon ascensionist, Effingham Hoofnagle, took a chance. He was three miles and a half up in the air. He jumped out of the basket of the balloon and took a chance of landing on a load of hay.
Og: Golly! Did he make it?
Egbert: Uh, no...He didn't. Had he been a younger man, he probably would have made it. That's the point. Don't wait too long in life.
Johnny,When I was a young man I made a vow to my mother that "lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine" now look what I've started. Johnny,are you, Me and Margaret all on the same page. I guess I shouldn't have broken that vow at last years party.
Broken vows are my business, Tony. At any rate, "Trapeze" is one of the more obscure Fields films, and I rarely encounter someone who quotes from it, so I'm buying you a beer. And yes, I think you and I and Margie are on the same page.
Johnny, who is responsible for making sure that no one drinks themself into imbecility and falls into the gutter at this years party. I thought that with your extensive clerical background you might want to step up to the plate and volunteer your services. Mr. Barbier and Myself of course would then step up to the plate in your absence and entertain Margaret for the evening.
Tony, I accept the assignment of maintaining order and dignity at our party. For my first act, I deputize and anoint Doris Flatley -- a distinguished research scientist and firefighter -- to discharge those duties while I maintain my post as Quality Control Monitor at the bar. This arrangement will also have the added benefit of freeing you and Dennis from having to entertain Margie, as I will thus be free to undertake that detail myself. My ministry compels me to do no less.
Would everyone attending this years party
please be careful not to step on or trip over
"Little Bobby Davis" when approaching the bar.
And don't be using him for a foot stool either,
as that just isn't right.
I actually hoped to also . I remember the beer you invited me for. Unfortunately I selected the same night for my company Christmas party. It wouldn't be right if I didnt show. lol ... After the holiday I hope to get to a gathering of the roseville crew. Even though I was so young when I left , I still feel akin.