Hi All,

DH and I are considering hsing our children who are currently in 2nd and 4th grades. I have wanted to hs from the start, but DH was consistently against it. Now some issues are arising with our 4th-grader, and he is softening his stance somewhat. His major concern against hs is that he's afraid it will increase tension in the home. He watches the kids push my buttons and how I can lose my cool with them. He's afraid of coming home to a tension-filled home every evening. I don't blame him for not wanting to come home to that -- he works hard to take care of us!

My belief/hope is that hsing can allow us to determine our own lifestyle, rather than being enslaved to the school schedule, etc., which will lower tension -- less time rushing to get to school, extra-curricular acitivites could be scheduled more flexibly rather than eating up our evenings, we will have evenings together as a family for a change, and so on. Also, I hope that by spending more time together, the kids will come to like each other better, rather than seeing each other as darwinian competitors for parental attention. And maybe I won't feel so rushed and pressured (due to that enslavement to the school schedule), so I'll be able to relax a bit.

I personally would prefer to work harder AT HOME, rather than spend time rushing around away from home, which is what my life feels like right now. I hate this rat race.

Is this a fantasy on my part? Can you all with experience share your thoughts on this side of hs lifestyle? Can we expect an improvement in personal relationships within the hs life?

Thanks so much, Karen

I found that homeschooling my kids was much less stressful than making them do homework assigned at school.

A couple of reasons:
1) In homeschooling your child is only being given work that is appropriate to his or her level - it's not going to be too easy (boring busy work) or too difficult (major confusion and frustration) because you know your child! A school assignment is given to the whole class, and the teacher is trying to hit the middle. You tailor your child's work to him. Much less stressful.

2) With homeschooling you can hit the hard stuff early in the day, when your child is fresh. Homework assigned at school comes at the end of a long day, when your child is tired and cranky anyway.

3) Homeschooling is incredibly efficient. If you end up as an eclectic or unschooler, you will find that "academics" are finished quickly (the three R's) and pretty painlessly, leaving lots of time for musuem trips, park days, reading for pleasure, hobbies, etc.

4) Homeschooling does not have the toxic testing that exists in some states. Yes, you may have your kid tested, but your school's "grade" and teacher pay don't depend on every child hitting a magic number. Some teachers and administrators in states where testing is a big deal do a great job of sharing their stress about the tests with the kids, with the result that you have kids getting physically ill on test day from the stress. Ick. Not in homeschooling.

Mine are all high school age now, and for a number of reasons they are all in school now. But they were homeschooled through grade 6, and I loved the TIME we had to let them be kids and explore their own interests. For reading they READ. We did math, and they never loved writing, but there was so much time for so many other things that we were never butting heads the way a parent does when that stupid project is due TOMORROW MORNING!!! (sound familiar?

Good luck whatever you decide to do, and welcome to our corner of the web.

Melissa

I think a book needs to be written about this very subject because this is one of those things that you don't hear homeschoolers talk about very often.

Homeschooling and the lifestyle can indeed very much improve your relationship with your children BUT it doesn't happen automatically. The reality and the truth of the matter is that there will be a period of adjustment for all of you. Being together all the time has the potential of bringing out the best in your relationship but also the worst. If you understand this and expect it from the get-go then you will be more prepared to handle it.

I have homeschooled my kids since Day One so for us the transition (if there was one) was very natural. I saw education as part of my parenting responsibilities and my kids accepted that because they didn't know any different. To them there was no difference in the roles. But when a child has already been in the school system they don't necessarily see it that way. Mom and Dad are "mom and dad" and they have their unique role. The teacher is the "teacher." Mom and dad are not teacher. Big difference. With patience, love, humor and understanding, however, mom and dad can indeed become "teacher" and it can bring family unity like nothing else will.

I will say this about us though... or rather about ME. The people who know me from this board know that I have said this many, many times before. Homeschooling has not been so much about teaching my kids how to read and write but more about ME... it's taught me to be a better parent. It hasn't been easy. It's not easy to see yourself in a mirror that comes in the form of your very own child. Homeschooling makes you your child's main role model simply because you are together a lot. When you notice that your children are acquiring your same character flaws because of that exposure, it can literally bring you to tears. Homeschooling has definitely forced me to mature and GROW UP in many aspects and I've had to confront myself on many levels.

Would I do it over again? In a heartbeat.

I love the family we are and I thoroughly enjoy being with my kids. We are close--very close.

Giovanna

Thank you, ladies. Your replies give me heart, and I hope DH can be persuaded to consider your experience and take heart to take a risk!
Karen

A RISK!

Well, if you don't ever have the courage to step out and take risks, then you'll never go any further than where you are now. It will always be THE SAME. You'll never find out if things could have been BEST instead of just "good enough." It does take faith to take that leap but really... what's the very worst that can happen here? That you'll end up killing each other? I hardly think that could happen and if you get remotely close to that and you are willing to honestly see where the problems lie and deal with them, it can only lead to growth for both of you as people and as parents and also growth in family unity and relationships. Academic wise you can't lose. One on one tutoring is the best possible situation for any child and that is what homeschooling provides.

And of course, you can always come here for support. We'll be here!

Giovanna

But I have to say that homeschooling allowed us such a marvelous flexibility.

For a while, my husband went on a major business trip every year. We got to take the children because we did NOT have to worry about missing school. Our children got to see wonderful parts of the country--and Mexico, too.

As teens, our children were able to work--both for pay and volunteer--in places that teens rarely get to. Why? Because they could do this during the day when other teens were locked in the public school.

Our daughter is one of VERY FEW teens that got to work at the state art museum. It was a wonderful experience for her. 5 years and a BA later, she is working for pay at another art museum. Her teenage voluteer job gave her both the desire and experience for the job she has now.

No, I don't think it is just a dream. It is a better way to rear children and BE a family.

This is Karen again -- we are doing it -- hooray!

On my birthday, July 2, dh informed me that he had decided to agree to try homeschooling for a year and see how it works out. Wow, what a gift!

We started the last week of July with just math. We add a subject a week, though I'm allowing 3 weeks or so for LA/Reading. We have a daily routine that begins around 9:00 with prayers and read-aloud. I'm trying to combine the kids wherever possible, so we do all joint activities first, then they break out and do their math, spelling, science. We are usually done by lunchtime.

It's going really well so far. And I am so very very grateful that I'm not having to whip them out of bed at 6 a.m. Some days we loll about until 8:00 LOL. Today, we drove up to drop off DS with my Mom for a short solo visit -- so we had school on Labor Day and skipped today. Wow, what freedom!

Thanks for your advice and encouragement. Pray for us!
Karen

Please keep us updated!
Sounds like it's a fit not just for your child but also FOR YOU!

That's so exciting for you. I'm glad it's going well. What does hubby think so far?

... and the first few weeks, whenever I would casually mention something involving our school activities, he would get this sort of hunted look in his eyes. I tried not to talk about it, but it's such a major part of my day, ya know?

However, over the last couple weeks, he has seemed to relax about it. So far, all the discipline issues have been quickly resolved, and long before he gets home from work -- so he hasn't seen anything of that. The academic work is progressing well and he has seen that in action.

Also, our family and friends have all been neutral to supportive of our decision. So that has been a nice surprise that I think helped him relax more. His two bil's who work for a major American pharmaceutical company told him that many of their co-workers hs their kids -- these are smart people who aren't religious fanatics, so that was reassuring for dh LOL.

As far as I can tell, things are looking up! :-D
Karen