Whenever I see a 'drop-into-the-other-world' scenario, it always seems to me that it would have been much better if the author had forgone dragging the protagonist to the world where he does not belong. Rarely, oh so very rarely, it works. Don't know if it would work here, since the drop-in had not happened yet... but the stunning resemblance to Matrix is already disconcerting.
Okay, so Neo... er... Black is about to enter this fantasy world. The 'fantasy' is created by an extensive useage of Thesaurus, it seems. While educational, it makes for otherwise er... despondent read. Especially, in combination with modernizms:
[quote]But it wasn't in Ehrid's nature to simply acquiesce.
"This isn't emotion. It is good sense..."[/quote]
Either 'nature to give up...' with the 'isn't emotion'; or ''tis not premonition' or some other similar cutsey wording with acquiesce...
[quote]Either side of the Armsmaster's office opened onto a balcony
circumnavigating the tower...[/quote]
Circumnavigating... was it really needed here? or would have tower's balcony sufficed.