His Brain, Her Brain (GoodNews/Christian) TALK WITH THE AUTHORS!
May 17 2008 at 7:04 PM
Walt Larimore, M.D. and Barbara Larimore (Login chapteraday) Forum Owner
His Brain, Her Brain: How Divinely Designed Differences Can Strengthen Your Marriage by Walt Larimore, M.D. and Barbara Larimore ISBN: 9780310240280
She reads people, and he reads manuals
He doesn't ask for directions, and she doesn't appreciate his advice
She is so mysterious, and he is so practical
He does not seem to listen, and she seems so emotional
The list goes on and on ...
In a world where men and women are constantly told they are not different, His Brain, Her Brain shows couples what they instinctively know-men and women are different, and these divinely designed differences, when understood, make a marriage stronger and happier. Combining the latest brain research along with their experiences in over three decades of marriage and counseling, Dr. Walt and Barb Larimore explain how the unique design of each sex, particularly the unique brain and hormones of each, results in different habits, tendencies, and nuances of thought and action.
This message has been edited by chapteraday on Jul 1, 2008 2:38 PM This message has been edited by chapteraday on Jul 1, 2008 11:17 AM
Welcome to the preview of our book, His Brain, Her Brain. We hope you enjoy reading it each day and we look forward to any comments or questions you may have. -- Walt & Barb
Hi Walt & Barb,
I'm new to this book club and I just subscribed to the dear reader last Saturday. I am an ESL student and I am now learning English. I found out this website from my English tutor when I asked him which magazines are good for me to read and improve my English skill. He then recommended me this book club. Even though, I only read a little part of the story, I was fascinated by the story and I wish I continue my study instead of waiting for the next day to receive the new chapters. One of the chapters in my ESL text book is about the gender stereotype, and I found that the topic is very similar to this book, His Brain, Her Brain. I would like to share this book with my other classmates too. I understand now why there are many misunderstanding between male and female; in addition, I think it is very helpful to learn about the differences between man and woman so that we can appreciate each other and try to be more understanding. This is also a good way to keep a good relationship with our spouse or families member.
This is a wonderful story and the examples in the book were very true. I am happy to have this opportunity to read, and practice my writing skill.
Thank you
Your English is far better than my second language -- French!
Like Jesus said, "... at the beginning of creation God made them male and female."
But, in a world where men and women are constantly told that they are not different, we hope "His Brain, Her Brain" will show couples what they instinctively know—men and women are different, and these divinely designed differences, when understood, can make a marriage stronger and happier.
Barb and I wanted the book to help men and women understand how the unique design of each sex, particularly the unique brain and hormones of each, results in different habits, tendencies, and nuances of thought and action.
Our prayer is that readers, like you, will begin to understand your spouse’s God-created design blueprint and purpose, how to communicate effectively with your spouse based on his or her design, and simply how to understand God’s design intention and purpose plan for marriage.
Oh my! I needed this 28 yrs ago when I was first married! It would have helped me so much and I wouldn't have had to learn it all the hard way! I have to admit I am older and wiser now. Just within the past few years I've come to understand that my dear husband is just a man and not a mind reader. I've tried to make him think like me and only wound up getting more frustrated because of it. As time goes on, I'm finally understanding that he is a man and we are different because we were wonderously made to be so. The differences are to cause us to become one as we work together. Now I listen to his opinions and ideas and feel like I can do the same with him. If we can't come to an agreeable solution then we can at least agree to disagree. Your book should be a mandatory read along with a quiz before couples can obtain a marriage license!
that if books of this genra were required reading by every pastor/priest there would be a considerable amount less divorce.
I too had to learn the hard way, but every day is a new learning experience in life and marriage. When I know someone who is in a serious relationship or already married I always tell them that marriage is not 50/50%, but each giving 100%!
Thanks for your note. It's a real encouragement to us.
I have learned that as I concentrate on changing and improving myself as a wife and life-partner to Walt, as I give to him, his divine design is to respond and to give back to me.
And, as I've seen him change and improve himself as a husband and friend to me, I've wanted to give more to him.
In other words, the divine design is this: the more we give, the more we receive. In fact, Jesus says that if we choose to give sacrificially, that our return is 100 fold.
That's the beauty of the divinely designed opposite qualities of men and women -- they actually can make us stronger than we'd be apart.
Of course, if we don't understand these differences -- and God's purpose and design for them -- then, they can tear us apart and drive us to divorce.
Our prayer for this book is that the Lord would use it to mend and repair hurting marriages -- while strengthening and protecting marriage and marriages.
Walt and I agree. We wish we had known so much of this when we got married 35 years ago. As we wrote this book, we learned so much about ourselves, each other, marriage, and the Lord.
Even more revealing, we came to see how the remarkable brain research of the last 25 years reflects so many of the principles taught about men and women in the Bible.
Indeed, we are each unique -- not only designed different, but designed differently. And when we embrace these differences, instead of rejecting or rebelling against them, our relationships, particularly our marriages, can be stronger and more satisfying.
I'm joining this book club quite late, and
catching up.
All this info I've heard before, and it's interesting and true. My husband and I have a boy and a girl, and before they were born I knew beyond reasonable doubt what their sex was. They were so different, and still are. (Though our daughter is now trying very hard to be less girl-ish!)
The last part of the chapter I read today,
chapter 4 I think, is the part that confuses me. How is it that the differences between men and women draw us together ? Makes sense that God would design us with that end in mind, yet my husband and I, I find, experience the opposite. The differences drive a wedge between us. Is there some significant point I or we are missing?
I hear all the time about how women multitask, and accomplish their work with chaos around them. I think I am a broken female as chaos overwhelms me. ie: women are supposed to be able to run a home business, raise children, and home school at the same time. I can't even write up a report for work with my family around, they're too distracting.
One of the cautions we give in the introduction to our book is this:
"Although we believe our experience is typical and applicable to most men and women, we are going to be talking about a lot of generalities. So what we say may not apply 100 percent to you. Take what you need and leave the rest."
"When we refer to men and women, or girls and boys, we will be referring to “most,” and almost never “all.” We realize there will be exceptions to what we say — perhaps even in your life and marriage."
"But we encourage you not to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Take note of the exceptions, but keep on reading and have fun learning."
So, let us encourage you NOT to be frustrated that you do not have this or that quality or characteristic. God made you unique and uniquely.
And, it's likely that your husband has many of the positive qualities or characteristics you lack -- so that the two of you, as one, are a better team because of it.
After all, if you both were the same, one of you would be expendable.
My female brain has heard a totally different comment from you than Walt's male brain thought he heard! But isn't that one of the more revealing points of this book?
Yes, in the book we do generalize men's and women's characteristics, but it sounds to me like you are feeling frustrated for another reason: chaos!
Yes, women are usually better at multitasking than men, but amid the chaos of everyday life, multitasking can be a challenge--even when there are no distractions and we are good at doing it.
So for me as a wife and mom, this becomes a issue of deciding what I need to do now and what I can put off until later. And sometimes it means that I have to ask my other team player-Walt-for help!
As a wife and mother, some days I get a lot of my list accomplished, and I am multitasking at my best, and other days are not so productive.
But at the end of the day, I ask myself, "Did I do my best to meet the needs of my family as the Lord directed me today?"
If not, I can learn from my mistakes and try to make wiser choices the next day.
I think you both hit a part of the point. I used to manage a hospital floor, and could multitask well with different phone calls, requests, and questions at the same time. But, while I am at work, I am 100% nurse. While I am at home I am 100% wife/mom. I don't even think about the other part of me. When I homeschooled I was devoted to the subject. I could not manage the schooling and balance a bank statement at the same time. So, for me to multitask, the subject matter has to be the same, or I have to be in the same role. And of course I am much happier when I can be 100% focused on my project.
Thanks, Wendy S
This book is very interesting! The daily installments that I have been reading are definitely going to drive me to find the book.
I am the lone mail in a house full of women! My wife and I have 5 daughters - so this is very intersting reading! Also, one of our daughters has an extremely rare form of epilepsy and one of the treatments that we have discussed with her doctors is a Corpus Callosotomy, which severs the Corpus Callosom. We have decided against the surgery because we were afraid that the complications would outweigh any of the possible benefits and right now we are just focusing on her quality of life....but interesting to read about it's role in brain development.
I can't wait to pass this onto my wife - who is a great multi-tasker!...and sometimes frustrated by my one-task focus.
p.s. my entire family really enjoyed the Bryson City Tales!
Great to get a posting from another male brain! And, thanks for the feedback on "Bryson City Tales." Did you know there are two sequels? "Bryson City Seasons" and "Bryson City Secrets." I hope you enjoy them.
BTW, the last book in the Bryson City series (Secrets) had five chapters written by our daughter Kate. Although they appear in my voice (the Prologue, the first chapter in each part, and the Epilogue), they were penned by her.
Also, I thought you'd enjoy hearing a "theological story" that Barb and I learned when I was studying in Europe in the late 70's.
A family in Southern Germany told us that men in the Bavarian Region had believed for centuries that God looks down on a marriage and decides which spouse is the "stronger vessel" and which is the "weaker vessel."
They believe God then gives the couple a first child whose sex is the same as the "weaker vessel," so that "the two might equal the one."
Therefore, so the story goes, the more female daughters a Bavarian man has, the "stronger" he is.
Since my and Barb's first child is Kate, I found the story to be affirming.
Barb had some sort of minor quibble about none of that being in the Bible -- but, I bet you're believing it, also, aren't you!
:-)
All kidding aside, when you get the "His Brain, Her Brain" book, don't miss the last two chapters. We think they make a great Bible study and in them we discuss what the terms "helpmeet" and "weaker vessel" really mean.
After learning this information, I've never seen Barb in the same light. She's a treasure and a gift, indeed -- as I'm sure your wife and 5 daughters are to you.
Oh, one last thing. Kate, our oldest, has cerebral palsy. Raising a child with physical limitations or a chronic disease can be one rough road for a mom and dad -- a road that has driven us to a prayer life and a dependence upon the Lord we might not have otherwise found.
As a result, as I'm sure you and your wife are learning, the blessings of this difficult road can be enormous.
I don't think that we will get much support in the belief that the first born is for the weaker of the spouses...but it is worth a try!
Life is a drama drenched in emotion at my house...but thankfully there is much more laughter than tears and I like the chance that I get to be the "spider-killing hero" to all of these ladies.
I am amazed at the things that my wife and duaghters pick up that I don't. I consider myself to be pretty perceptive, and "in tune" with people, but my wife usually turns out to be a better judge of character. I am also amazed at the things that she notices that I miss. When we read the same book, she will notice several things that I didn't.
We will celebrate our 20th anniversary in December and have grown to appreciate our differences and that ways that we compliment each other. It seems pretty obvious that God created us differently for His purpose and that together we are one pretty incredible being.
We have also read Bryson City Seasons and Bryson City Secrets and enjoyed all of them. They were full of a lot of good stories...but one of my favorites is about the Miss Flame contest!!! I don't think that you will ever live that down!
Our daughter Heather, who has epilepsy, has taught us many things....probably most of all - to have the faith of a little child.
I am sure that my wife Pam deserves a diamond for her "years of service," (also a silver cross and a purple heart) but she will be more likely to get a full tank of gas and a steak dinner. Congratulations on your upcoming 35th anniversary! It's always encouraging to know that there other couples out there that belive that marriage is forever...not a walk in the park, but a hike that is well worth the effort.
I am glad that your book celebrates our differences, when so many other forms of media put men and women in a boxing ring to duke it out to see who is superior.
When we are pitted against each other, everybody suffers, but when we are united, everybody benefits.
Hope your book is a big success and that you write many more.
