I've invited a seventy four people to a party on Sat. Four have called to say they are coming. Three emailed to say they are not.

i won't be there. sorry.

that sucks. you should provide only enough food drinks and seats for the four people who are responded in the affirmative. that'll learn 'em!

Do you think I should act suprised as each non-responder arrives?

"Oh! What are you doing here?!"

What was the deadline to respond?

I didn't put one, just RSVP and my phone number. I don't care for the deadline.

No date?

Weird. I've never seen RSVPs without a response date.

Yes, this is so WEIRD:



Please come to a party in my back yard

June thirteenth, eight in the evening

RSVP at 867-5309

Sorry Appy but if I was (were?) planning an event for 72 people, I would definitely include a response date. I guess you can hope to get all your responses by Friday morning. Good luck with that

So Arwen, if you recieved that invite you'd think to yourself:
"Oh there's no date... guess I'll just call friday before"

I think the rule is 70% show.

Yes Appy. That's exactly what I would do ~eyeroll~

Come on, even the website posted mentioned including a response date.

I would describe this issue as 50% the rudeness of your guests and 50% your fault.

Its my fault people didnt call to RSVP? That seriously just made me laugh out loud.

Hmmm

I give up. You did everything absolutely correctly. Good for you. Bad guests! Bad!

In all fairness, Appy, it is your fault that they have not RSVP'ed YET.

Thank you Lizz!

You say that, but do you believe it? Seriously, if it were you, would you wait until the day before to RSVP because there was no date? People either RSVP or they dont. The date is meaningless.

If you needed a headcount by today, you should have put a date on it. Some people may think replying by Thursday is fine -- you still have time to pick up more drinks, add to your rental chairs/tables order, etc.

BTW -- when did you send out the invitations?

I never said I needed a head count by today. Its informal and I'm sure it will be fine. I'm just shocked by the rudeness.

And I can't believe you're one of the rude tribe Lizzlee.

Are you saying I'm being rude?

Pot to kettle Appy.

Arwen I wonder how you walk around with skin that thin.

Non-RSVPers are rude, date or no! And if you've ever hosted people in your home you realize you should call and say you're coming or you're not.

I guess you can say that to the people who show up without having responded.

All invitations I recall getting have had a an RSVP date on them, which I follow. When I sent out invitations for my kids' parties, I asked for an RSVP one week in advance of the party date, and called anyone who hadn't RSVP'ed two days before the party.

I'd say I had about a 95% RSVP response by my requested date, and those who hadn't said they could not attend when I called.

So again you're saying if an invitation you have in your hand does not have a date, you wouldn't feel compelled to RSVP? That date is the compelling part? You personally

If there is no date you can put the response off until a time that is convenient to you vs convenient to the host

So you personally, Arwen, if you were invited, would RSVP, when?

Me, personally, as soon as I received the invitation. That's my viewpoint as a guest. It's polite.

As a host, I would include a response date. It's common sense.

I organize 12 ex-co-workers by email for semi-monthly dinners and I include a response date. If all 12 show up, I need to be able to make a reservation. I need enough time to do that.

Thank you Arwen, thank you for proving my point. Well said.

Me, personally, if there was no date, I would try to RSVP one week before the party.

Thank you Lizz for proving my point again.

How to Deal with Party Guests Who Don't RSVP
This article will offer ways you can effectively deal with this frustrating problem.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/960288/how_to_deal_with_party_guests_who_dont.html

Lisa, can you send some of your angels to make people RSVP?

No, but I'll send some to the party, so someone will be there.

I invited 13 people to Megan's birthday party in April. Two people declined, eight showed, and three never said a word. These are moms I stood in the hallway with three mornings a week to drop off and pick up. And i felt like shooting them eye-daggers that Monday morning.

I know my situation was nowhere near the scale of yours, but I feel for you, dealing with that kind of rudeness and inconsideration.

When this happens to my sister, she calls each and every person who hasn't RSVP'd and asks them. Which is time-consuming and should be unnecessary.

Can you mass e-mail?

Perhaps it's this kind of nasty mocking that is causing your "friends" to ignore the invite.

Anon, didn't you get your invite? Sorry, no one RSVPed so I can't send out my "B-List" invites.

Kathleen, I did email, we'll wait and see.

I've never given a party where I didnt have absurdly too much food. I'm sure this will be the same and I'm not worried.

I'm just annoyed with rudeness.

Oh and kathleen, I would have said something in the hall before had "Oh did you get the invite? I thought maybe I had the wrong address!" and after "We missed you this weekend"

Lisa, thanks! So far looks like I'll need them to fill out the party!

So, Jenny, what's the reason for the celebration?

Life, the end of spring and adventures envisaged:)

Wow. Seventy-four people. I couldn't come close to that number without inviting all the students in my kids' classes.

It's one of those things that just kept growing.

Kids are invited too, and my sister has an inflatable water slide she's offered to set up. At first I was all for it, but I dont know if I can tolerate the muddy wet children traipsing through my home.




Looks like that. Yay or Nay?

Since it's an 8PM start time I say "nay". Plus having that encourages the guests to bring kids. But that's just my take.

It's really a 3 pm start time.

And I like kids. Just not wet and muddy and in my house.

Show of hands who thinks this entire thread is bait for a board fight?

I think the capt is losing his touch. I'm having a party and hardly anyone RSVPed. This isn't peace in the middle east, abortion or gay marriage we're discussing. Geeze Cap't.

Okay. Let's look at the facts. You haven't been around for awhile. The board has been slow for months and months. You like to be mean and stir the pot. You're complaining about a large number of people not responding to a party invitation. Your reputation here is not entirely positive. This leaves the door wide open for negative jabs about why your friends haven't RSVP'd. You were nasty to Arwen and Lisa then Lizzlee bordering on an unreasonably and obvious argument.

Smells like bait to me.

I think you need to get your sniffer checked.

Although if what you're saying is true, and I started a thread just so people would be mean to me to make the board more interesting.... I should win the most magnanimous poster of the year award.

And when was I nasty to Arwen or Lisa??

I'd like to know what is on the menu.

And next time put a date- not everyone is as disciplined and organized as you are, Appy.

I'm doing a ham on the smoker with orange glaze. Mini cheddar and Chutney Sammies, various salads, watermelon (or fruit salad), chips and dips and veggies.

My husband thinks we should also do Burgers and Dogs incase someone doesnt like ham. It annoys me to do that, but he usually wins debates like that so I'm sure that will be part of the menu.

I was thinking of doing a watermelon booze punch. We'll see how motivated I am. Maybe Sangria, thats easy enough. Iced Tea, Soda, Beer.

Yeah, if there are kids coming it's probably a good idea to have some hotdogs, at least. Why waste yummy smoked ham on kids who will hate it anyway. No Jewish peeps?

No kosher jews anyway....

In fact I dont think I know a jew who doesnt eat pig.

I know a few, mostly people I work with and not close friends or anything. One of the partners here is allergic to Gluten, and another to chicken. Which means I hate going to lunch meetings with them, the food always sucks.

I havent read this entire thread but if I got an invitation with RSVP I would be more likely to respond sooner if there was a "deadline". Thats just me though. Its rude, I know, but I am a procrastinator by nature and if given the chance will do just that.

Why do women complicate fun?

See this kind of thing is why I hate when my girlfriend gets involved with poker night with my friends. When I was single, I would call them up and say, "Poker on Friday night. I'll supply some beer. Bring something or don't, I don't care. Just get here and bring 10 bucks." (We cap it at 10, so we all remain friends)

That used to be good enough. But now the GF has to go all out on food and hors dourves and crap. Then she gets mad when a couple people don't show. She can make the whole thing stressful and un-fun.

Why do you women do that? Why do you take something that's supposed to be simple and fun and turn it into work?

Because, it's a reflection of our self worth. Duh.

That is a very good question Mev. Why do we?

Actually I don't care what the motivation is, but why do WE get dragged into it?

I want my uncomplicated poker nights back, goddamnit!

So tell the girlfriend then!

Because we're not barbarians

Because we feel the need to be gracious hosts

Because it's rude and dangerous to invite someone to your home for drinks and not offer food to sop up the alcohol

I didnt make this unfun, I simply had some invitations printed and now wonder who will be coming.

Perhaps if I invited more civilized people and less barbarians I wouldnt have to wonder.

Appy, I asked above when you sent out the invitations.

RSVP by June 9, 2:00 PM

HA!

I sent them about three weeks ago.

Oh please. Women are every bit as barbaric as men are, they just repress it, with fancy dip and Chardonnay.

We are not repressing with fancy dip and chardonnay, we are evolving. You should try it!

Because we live to ruin your fun.

Dear Capt Obvious/Anon,

I just stopped myself from posting something very mean. I thought it, but did not post it. I think that means you should rethink your opinion of me.

Love,
Appalled

I'm pretty bad about RSVPing to printed invitations. E-vites, on the other hand, I always RSVP to. Usually in the negative, sometimes in the maybe, and rarely in the affirmative. So easy to open, read, click the box. Done and done.

It's also nice to be able to see who else is going to go and who isn't.

Land sakes alive, the steak's alive.

Do you not go to many parties then?

Perhaps he's evolved past the need for parties?

No, I don't go to a lot of parties. I need a gathering instead.

I do appreciate a nice looking invite and stuff though. Very thoughtful. It just feels like you're asking a lot of me to make the call and then maybe have to talk to you (not you personally, Appy).

Land sakes alive, the steak's alive.

Wont you have to talk to the person at their home, perhaps drink their beverages and eat the food their offering?

And the phone call seems like a lot of work?

And sorry, but the minute you start printing invitations, is when the anti-fun begins... at least for guys. It's a fuckin BBQ, with a water slide, not a wedding.

You'd rather hand write them?

No, I'd use Evite, like Doc Z. suggested. They do this magical thing called validation, that prevents you from doing stupid things, like leaving out an RSVP deadline.

Edit double post

Well I didn't have the email for 70+ people, plus not everyone has email, plus the invite was more than just words on a page.

Now you're evoloving, Appy. My work here is done.

Oh, sorry to see you go then. Bye!

"Not everyone has email"

My old fashioned, rural, cat lady sister has email. C'mon?

But the point is, as others have so eloquently put it, this is YOUR fault, for not including a deadline. people are now going to RSVP you the day before the event. Deal with it.

The smart thing to do is to not cook anything that can't be converted into lunch, or whatever, for the next week or so. That way, if your party is smaller than you had anticipated, you won't have a bunch of food going to waste.

My friends and I play Bunko once a month. Everyone brings what they want to drink, an appetizer or dessert, and $10. The party rotates each month, and the hostess sends an Evite. It's simple to open the evite and respond Yay or Nay. The hostess sends a reminder out a week before. Evite makes this very simple to do. I recommend using Evite for your next big bash. And please don't forget to invite me next time. I love ham.

This is the second anon in as many weeks that speaks all authoritatively about 'the way things are' here and whose version of the fact I find wrong to the point of wondering if we post on the same board.

People should RSVP.
Many don't.
So you take ever step you can to compensate. Like giving deadlines.
It's not your fault if they don't RSVP.
They still should.
Many still won't.

The end.

Oh I see, bad manners are excused because I didnt use the correct technology???

The more you know.

Tru, you can come any day, I'd love to have you.

Is an excuse so hard to grant?

The way I see it, you can have perfect manners and lots of extra bean dip, or you can have lots of guests and endure some bad manners.

They are my only two choices? Where does lamanting my ill mannered friends fall?

That happens in either scenario, doesn't it? It's a given state of your nature.

Thats not nice.

Well, if you can excuse the bad manners, I'm sure your friends can excuse your failure pile.

Kinda hard to label it bad manners, when you didn't give clear instructions.

RSVP couldn't be clearer.

Thanks, Appy, I'll bring some Deviled Eggs.

I'm the last anon to commit the crime Squid mentions. Except if you read again, you'll see I wasn't telling it like it is HERE, but like it is on the interwebs in general. It's a fact. People love "drama." And if you didn't love drama, you wouldn't keep harping on it.

And Appy - I've never received an invitation requesting an RSVP that didn't include a "by" date. Never. Miss Manners would be appalled at you, Appalled!

I am against the date. As god as my witness I'll never use a date again!

Yeah, because that worked so well for you this time!

I know right? She's like a south going zax or whatever that won't take a step to the right or left to achieve her end!

I picture the next invite not even having a date for the party.

~snicker~

Right? Just a sheet of paper with a big frown on it.

Wow. That is an awesome and obscure Dr. Seuss reference. I am so impressed.

I love it when you guys make me literally laugh out loud!

I know me too, and this thread really just did.

What's more important? The actual event, or holding people accountable to archaic, impractical standards, that currently exist only in your head?

If you're not willing to play the game, by the accepted rules, why invite anyone but yourself?

Me thinks anon is dead on.

Me thinks you were anon.

Around a week before the event you RSVP. People STILL need to tell you that??

I've never gone anon. What in my history, would make you even give that a thought?

And to your other question... because it's the accepted practice and because every RSVP, that's been sent out in the last 30 years, has included a reply by date...


YES!

ONE HUNDRED!!!!!!!!

101.


Kohsdude's brother gets married this month. A couple of months ago I got an invite to his soon-to-be-wife's bridal shower. It had an RSVP (and date to RSVP by).

I didn't RSVP yay or nay.

WHOOPS! I forgot.

I'll see them at the wedding soon. heh.

Clearly this has nothing to do with either rules or formality. It's about Appy being right and everyone else being wrong. Duh!

You didn't give a date because you say you are against them. The party hasn't occured yet, so technically your guests still have time to RSVP. In fact, since you gave no date, they can RSVP up to and including a call that says, "Hey, I'm on my way to your house right now." So, you actually DO have a date in mind that your guests should have RSVP'd (a week prior to the event according to what you've written). Why would it have been so hard to include that on the invitation? Instead, you are calling all of your "friends" rude and ill-mannered (the same people you wish to socialize with) just because you think they should have read your mind. Really, get over yourself and listen to your fellow boarders. A date is necessary IF YOU WANT YOUR GUESTS TO RESPOND BY A DATE!

ortheaboveanonwillfindyouandchopyouUP!!

Sheesh!

I'm changing my mind, because I can't stand to be part of the herd. I like being right more than being correct. Fuck the date. Those people should have familiarized themselves with King Louis rules of etiquette. The shame of it all...

i never rsvp at all. date or no date. maybe i come, maybe i don't.
too disorganized to respond, too distracted to remember. i'm wild, y'all.

or rude. maybe i'm rude.

i do feel bad about it, totally, but it hasn't helped me get any better. i just found the response card to my college roommate's wedding. she's been married for five years. i was a bridesmaid.

you'd think people would just stop inviting me.

gah! badLY. i feel badLY about it.

oh- and i actually did rsvp to a party invitation last month. i was pretty proud of myself.

...it was an e-vite

I just RSVP'd to my friend's wedding invitation. Their RSVP was on a website.

We invited 75 people to our wedding. We had many, many RSVP options: e-mail, phone, website, little card to send back, with postage included.

19 people RSVP'd. 65 showed up. They were very much of the "Oh, well we figured you'd know WE were coming!" ilk. Luckily that's what we figured was happening, or those guys would have been eating hastily-procured pretzels from the corner store.

Maestra, you're like the female version of our beloved Todd!

Louise -- that is not acceptable for a wedding! That stuff can run on average 50 bucks a person. Sure, the caterer prepares for extra people, but not THAT many extra! I know, I did catering for a while. Good thing you know your friends well enough to anticipate!

Also, we did the food ourselves, so we just made enough.

What is it about Appy that she can generate such prolific threads? I have to resort to brainless game threads for this sort of response. Apparently, so does Todd.

No offense intended, of course.

What are the current hot topic thread growers?

Mevin, you didn't change your mind, you evolved.

Why does Jeff Goldblum keep popping into my head?

Can I be Sam Neill?

Land sakes alive, the steak's alive.

Is that it? Jurassic Park?

I dunno. Maybe not. I haven't seen enough movies to guess what you're thinking probably.

I like Sam Neill though. He did some really cool science programs about the universe.

Land sakes alive, the steak's alive.

I thought I heard badgers snorting meth around here somewhere.


Really Sucky Vicious People

They all show up and don't say a word as far as yay or nay to attending an invite.
And they all say, "You invited US, you should have KNOWN we were coming."

But it is more entertaining to send out invites for seventy-five, expect 100+, make food enough for 35 and let them have a mud-wrastle event in the water-slide puddle for full-plate o' food domination.
Have a whole wrestlers double elimination bracket thing.

I'll show up to watch.
I'll pack in my own cooler and pic-a-nic basket Boo-Boo.

Badger- Badger-
Badger- Badger-
Badger- Badger-
Badger- Badger-
Badger- Badger-
Badger-Mushroom-Mushroom...

I think Gray and I are soul mates. I love that random, off the wall WTF stuff.

You're going to make Ronnie cry

Ronnie's a crazy mofo -- he'd be into it

I am seriously cracking up--ahhh, it feels good to laugh!

I was just too lazy to look up the annoying badger video.
But yeah, I have my WTF moments.

What happened to Ronnie anyway?

Did his wife find this site?