Great idea, Toad. I'll take Vampire Diaries. And here's the list of new shows (on the major networks.)
Accidentally on Purpose (CBS)Premieres: Monday, Sept. 21 at 8:30/7:30c
Jenna Elfman (Dharma & Greg) is a film critic with blockbuster news she's pregnant from a one-night stand with a younger dude (Jon Foster, Life As We Know It). Will this waylay a budding romance with boss Grant Show? What happens next is all very Knocked Up.
The Beautiful Life: TBL (The CW)Premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 16 at 9/8c
Executive produced by Ashton Kutcher, this drama follows two young models (Sara Paxton and High School Musical's Corbin Bleu) as they are swept up in the fashion business. There to guide them (or complicate matters) are the modeling agency's boss (Elle MacPherson) and a model with a few years under her belt (The O.C.'s Mischa Barton).
Bored to Death (HBO)Premieres: Sunday, Sept. 20 at 9:30/8:30c
Jason Schwartzman (Rushmore, Funny People) plays Jonathan, a Brooklyn writer who deals with a bad breakup by acting out his Raymond Chandler-esque private-eye fantasy trenchcoat and all. His casework delights a magazine-editor friend (Ted Danson) and dismays his best buddy (The Hangover's Zach Galifianakis). Oh yeah, he's a drinker too.
Brothers (Fox)Premieres: Friday, Sept. 8 at 8/7c
Retired NFL star Michael Strahan plays... a retired NFL star who is summoned back home to visit his ailing dad (Rocky's Carl Weathers). While there, he trades barbs with his paraplegic brother (Darryl "Chill" Mitchell) and gets duped by their mom (CCH Pounder).
The Cleveland Show (Fox)Premieres: Sunday, Sept. 27 at 8:30/7:30c
This Family Guy spin-off ships Cleveland Brown off from Quahog to sunny California. Along the way, he makes a (permanent) pit stop in his hometown, fictional Stoolbend, Va., where he rekindles a romance with his high school girlfriend. Series creator Seth Macfarlane, Mike Henry, Sanaa Lathan and Kevin Michael Richardson provide voices.
Community (NBC)
Premieres: Thursday, Sept. 17 at 9:30/8:30c
The Soup's Joel McHale stars as an ethically challenged attorney who is forced to go back to college community college. There, he meets a ragtag bunch of misfit toys, including an understated Chevy Chase, Gillian Jacobs and Mad Men's Alison Brie ("Hell's bells, Trudy!") who all yearn for some higher learning, despite their obvious deficiencies out in the real world.
Cougar Town (ABC) Premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 23 at 9:30/8:30c
The title is a play on words, as it refers to both the mascot of the show's high school and the amped-up sexuality 40-something divorcee Jules Cobb (Courteney Cox) struggles to contain. It's not Simone de Beauvoir, but Jules' struggles have a slightly feminist, "old ladies like doing it too" vibe that plays well off the show's breezy-hot Florida setting. Also, it's from Scrubs' Bill Lawrence, so it's very funny.
Eastwick (ABC)Airs: Wednesdays at 10/9c
The producers of this fantasy series about suburban witches, which stars Rebecca Romijn and Lindsay Price, hope the third attempt to bring John Updike's novel to the small screen will be the charm. The big-screen version, The Witches of Eastwick, was a major success in 1987.
FlashForward (ABC) Premieres: Thursday, Sept. 24 at 8/7c
ABC has high hopes for this series, centered around a bizarre event that allows millions of people to briefly see flashes of the future. What do they see? What does it mean? And should people be worried if they don't have a future? Watch to find out, we don't know, and yes.
The Forgotten (ABC)Premieres: Tuesday, Sept. 22 at 10/9c
This Jerry Bruckheimer-produced drama centers on a group of amateur detectives led by a former cop (Christian Slater) whose daughter has disappeared. They try to crack murder cases involving unidentified victims the people everyone else has forgotten. Can it prove more memorable than Slater's My Own Worst Enemy?
The Good Wife (CBS)Premieres: Tuesday, Sept. 22 at 10/9c
Julianna Margulies is a former attorney forced back to work when her politician husband (Law & Order: CI's Chris Noth) is imprisoned for assorted improprieties. Can she compete in the courtroom against eager-beaver younger lawyers? Will she ever let her husband back into her heart?
Glee (Fox) Premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 9 at 9/8c
If you watched Fox's preview this spring, you can already hum along with Glee, but fall episodes will reveal that the dark high school dramedy is about more than just singing. Mr. Shuster (Matthew Morrison) needs six more students to compete at regionals; recruiting them is where the fun starts. Jane Lynch is a dream as an iron-fisted cheerleading coach. Kristin Chenoweth, Victor Garber and rapper Eve will all guest-star.
Hank (ABC)Premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 30 at 8/7c
ABC's Kelsey Grammer-led comedy finds a Wall Street executive forced to reconnect with his small-town family after losing his job. Ooh, topical!
Melrose Place (The CW) Premieres: Tuesday, Sept. 8 at 9/8c
The CW's remake of the soapy '90s melodrama features many familiar archetypes: the brooding bad boy, the nice couple, and the powerful bitch, to name three. The new show departs from its source material with a mystery storyline concerning a dead body that appears, Sunset Boulevard-style, in the apartment complex's pool. Vets Laura Leighton and Thomas Calabro co-star.
Mercy (NBC)Premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 23 at 8/7c
Doctor shows are old hat. This year is about nurses. (See also HawthoRNe and Nurse Jackie.) Taylor Schilling and Jaime Lee Kirchner play the nurses who actually run their hospital, and Michelle Trachtenberg is the new kid who learns the harsh realities of medicine.
The Middle (ABC)Premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 30 at 8:30/7:30c
ABC, fast on its way to becoming The Quirky Network, welcomes this Patricia Heaton comedy about a mom trying to, in the words of the show's promo, raise her family while lowering her expectations. How quirky is the show? The promo also features a polyurethane cow and Heaton dressed as a super hero.
Modern Family (ABC) Premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 23 at 9/8c
Ed O'Neill (Married... with Children), Julie Bowen (Ed) and Jesse Tyler Ferguson (The Class) headline a top-notch cast delivering a fresh take on the multigenerational family comedy. Our favorite moment from the pilot is scored by the Lion King theme.
NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS) Premieres: Tuesday, Sept. 22 at 9/8c
Chris O'Donnell and LL Cool J front this spin-off of the hit CBS procedural, playing Special Agents assigned to the high-tech Office of Special Projects. Academy Award winner Linda Hunt plays their "Q"/gadget master, while Rocky Carroll's Leon Vance will appear on both NCIS shows.
Shark Tank (ABC)Premieres: Tuesday, Sept. 29 at 8/7c
Survivor creator Mark Burnett offers this recession-ready reality show about everyday people pitching their best ideas to captains of industry. Who, it turns out, can be kind of mean.
Three Rivers (CBS)Premieres: Sunday, Oct. 4 at 9/8c
Alex O'Loughlin (Moonlight), Katherine Moennig (The L Word) and Daniel Henney (X-Men Origins: Wolverine) populate a team of transplant doctors. Each transplant story is told from three perspectives those of donor, recipient, and doctors.
Trauma (NBC)Premieres: Monday, Sept. 28 at 9/8c
Anastasia Griffith (Damages) and Derek Luke (Antwone Fisher) are among a team of EMTs who must confront the astoundingly traumatic moments of a trauma and then quickly treat the injured, often just minutes after tragedy strikes. Much stuff blows up.
V (ABC)Premieres: Tuesday, Nov. 3 at 8/7c
Lost's Elizabeth Mitchell stars in this reimagining of the 1908s sci-fi miniseries and series as FBI counter terrorism agent Erica Evans. She is the first to discover that, beneath the skin of a presumed friendly visiting alien race, there more sinister than anyone imagined. Evans' son, Tyler (Logan Huffman), sees the Vs as an opportunity to make mankind unite with a common goal while news anchor Chad Decker (Scott Wolf) wants to advance his career by getting an exclusive interview with the aliens' leader, Anna (Morena Baccarin).
The Vampire Diaries (The CW) Premieres: Thursday, Sept. 10 at 8/7c
Brooding high school newcomer Stefan (Paul Wesley) can't get his mind off classmate Elena (Nina Dobrev) perhaps because the two of them were deeply in love 130 years years ago. Yeah, Stefan is a vampire, and so is his reckless bad-boy brother, Damon (Lost's Ian Somerhalder). This one also features a special guest appearance by massive amounts of fog.
White Collar (USA)Premieres: October
After finally being brought down by FBI agent Peter Burke (Tim DeKay), master criminal Neal Caffrey (Matt Bomer) offers to help the Feds catch other notorious cons in order to remain a free man. Though wary at first, Burke soon learns the intuition required to nail these bad guys can't be found on the right side of the law. Tiffani Thiessen also stars as Burke's wife.
edited cuz copying and pasting is hard!
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