A DIY picture thread!

If you've ever been strolling along the beach, contemplating God and the meaning of life, it inevitably crossed your mind. How do they get coconuts out of those husks?

Wonder no more! I will show you how in 37 easy steps.

Step 1: Get a coconut.

Sounds easy, right? Well, it ain't. They are way up in the trees so, you can either climb up there like a monkey and pick one, or you can do what I do and chuck big rocks at them until one falls.

Tada!

Steps 2 through 37: Peel off the husk.

Again, sounds easy but it isn't. They don't peel.

Going all OJ on it with your dive knife might seem like a fool proof way as well but OJ and Jack the Ripper combined couldn't open one of these suckers with a knife.

No, there must be a better way... what could be more fun than stabbing?... Bludgeoning!

Find yourself a nice paver, corner of a sidewalk, or neighbors bumper and beat the crap out of the coconut on the stem and pointy ends repeatedly. It helps if you call its mother a citrus tree during this step.

Finally, it will begin to split.

and you can peel the rest of it off with a lot of cursing.

Finally, you have a husked coconut:

Stay tuned next week when we'll all learn how to peel a banana!

 

BIRD!

There is milk inside, right? I know its probably a stupid question but how much milk? Like 1/2 a cup?

Bird husking photos, YES!

my mom used to buy coconuts the odd time so we could fight over the milk and hack away at the insides.

Yes, we amused easily. Damn kids and their computer games these days, back when I was young we HAD COCONUTS and liked them.

We bought one for Lindsay years ago so she could experience all that is 'coconut'. There must have been a small hole somewhere in it because there was no milk to be found and the coconut flesh was vile. VILE. Bitter, rancid ickiness.

She hates coconut to this day.

If you can get them fresh they are sooooo good. The flesh is all creamy and kind of goopy. I get them at whole foods when I'm feeling decadent. Which is most of the time.

Ah, milking the coconut.

The amount of liquid inside the coconut depends on how ripe it is. The younger the nut, the more milk it will have and the less flesh.

This was a fairly young nut since it was still green. As they ripen, they turn yellowish and fall off the tree by themselves.

To get the milk out, find the monkey face. There are three spots in the shell where the stem used to attach which are soft and look like a little face.

See?

Next, take your OJ knife and jab it in the cute little monkey's eye.

It shouldn't have been looking at you like that anyway!

Twist the knife to gouge the little bastard's eye out.

Then pour out the milk.

The milk should be cloudy but not white. If it is white, the milk is old and it will give you a nasty case of the runs if you drink it. (trust me)

This particular nut had one and a half cups of milk in it.

Thanks! That was one milky monkey nut.

Yeah milk that nut! Milk that naughty naughty monkey nut!!!




ahem.

Girls are so dirty minded!