A blogger (internet mag?) called Jezebel compiled a list of some of Cosmo's more nonsensical sex advice and added some commentary. It's worth a Tuesday morning giggle...
This one is the best in my mind:
36. "Hide your turned-on vibrator in his sock drawer. When he figures out where the buzzing is coming from, tell him he gets to experience its pleasure power."
This makes me think of two really cute nerds who like to role-play. One of them is a handsome space cowboy and the other is a rapey space robot who says "Now you will experience the pleasure power." But that game's not for everyone.
14. "It's time to introduce your breasts to your favorite vibrator... (how rude of your vadge to have hogged it all these years)."
Your vadge is a hog, women. A hoggy, hoggy vadge. God, that's sexy.
37. "Give him a beer facial - the combination of the egg white and the yeast in the hops hydrates and improves skin elasticity... but you can just tell him that your lips can't resist his delicious, beer-flavored face."
In fact, please say exactly that: "My lips can't resist your delicious beer-flavored face." Just so I can know that somewhere, someone actually said it.
43. "Reach over and grab his knee while you're both sitting."
Details really are key here, lest you confuse a simple knee-grab with "sweep the leg." The secret success of the move stems from the fact that, by reaching down, you are "bowing" slightly, to show you're "contrite." Also, the knee is "neutral territory." (Which is to say, it's unlike Palestine, the Falklands, or his penis.)
12. "Tickle his feet with your nipples: climb on top of him in reverse cowgirl position, then bend over until your nipples reach the tops of his feet. ...Yowzah."
When this sounds spicy, you have hit new heights of erotic boredom.
It's not often feet meet boobs, I can only imagine it would be a scintillating experience. Yowzah!
