I certainly haven't. Here's my latest dilemma: one of my boys is out of control. Lazy, disrespectful, bullying (mostly his younger sister, but sometimes even his brother who is bigger than him!) and he pays no mind to me whatsoever. He is 12. He has anger management problems. Smart kid, capable of great things, but choosing the bad boy route. Does NOTHING to help around the house. Ever. Have had to kick him out of the house for an hour or more a time or two due to his behavior.
YES I KNOW HE (we all) NEEDS THERAPY. That is a difficult thing right now. Let's skip past that.
I am considering disallowing him from going on this trip to Puerto Rico. Thoughts?
The thing about kids is, they're great for other people. They behave in other people's homes. This is about punishment. Is it too much to keep him from seeing his (ugh) dad? I know I sound bitter, and I probably am, but he does not call them, does not support them.... why should he get to have them visit??? You know the whole visit is being paid for by his mom! Gaaaaah!
Oh man Lizzlee. That's a rough one. I am kinda new to teenagers and I only have them a few days a week and I find that I have no skill managing them. So I totally sympathize. They are twins. One has chosen to be the "good" one to emphasize how bad the other one is. And the other one doesn't disappoint. If someone has good advice for you I'll gladly steal it too.
Are you looking forward to a week sans kids? Sure you'll miss them and everything, but is this also going to be a holiday for you?
If it is, don't keep him. It'll just make for an awful week with everyone resenting you, and you resenting him.
My non experienced advice? Let them know that while they are away you're going to do some thinking as to how the household needs to be run, and that when they get back, they should expect a new order. And then when they come home implement something and stick to it.
We had this debate about whether to let evil twin go with us to Maine next month. He's flunking summer school English and he doesn't give a shit. We still haven't really decided but I'm kind of against using that because at least it gets him out of his rut. But taking his electronics doesn't seem to work either. Therapy and anger management haven't worked. There aren't any easy answers. Well maybe there are and I just don't know them. I tell you what, I'll put you in my prayers, for what it's worth.
LOL! You know that's funny, because when I was doing their laundry for the trip today, I was thinking along those lines: send them in/with rags so they would buy them new clothes. Not hard to do with Hannah -- I could send her with all the new clothes I bought her and challenge them to get her to wear them. Do I send the rags she prefers to wear? Or only the new things so there is no choice? The boys need haircuts. YOU do it.
Yea I certainly didn't want to come across as if I knew all the answers I just know that the book I referred to made a lot of sense into what happens when teens attach to their peers and not their parents.
I think I raised my 16 1/2 yr old son to be a little too independent. Would love for a cuddle from him!
I empathize with these tough decisions parents of teenagers have to make. I would recommend reading the book "Hold Onto Your Kids" by Gordon Neufeld. It talks about why kids don't see their parents as important figures in their lives any longer and how to get that back through attachment parenting.
One thing I can offer up is my experience with my father. He and my mother divorced when I was eight. I was rarely exposed to him after that until I grew up. My older brothers went and stayed with him for awhile. They grew up knowing firsthand how selfish and immature he was. I grew up idealizing him and thinking that if we were together he'd be like this way cool Dad. I wish I'd figured out what they figured out a lot earlier. I would find a different way to punish him rather than keeping him from this trip.
Lizz, please do not use visits with their dad as punishment or reward for any of your kids. He's their dad. It sucks so hard that he is not living up to his end of the support agreement but he obviously wants to spend time with them. Who cares if his mom is paying?
And you do need to get him and everyone into counselling no matter how complicated it is. Please.