I don't think I've seen this discussed here before, and I could really use the perspective of folks with small children.
I would rate our daycare highly if asked, but one thing we struggle with is the conferences with the teacher assigned to our child. Essentially the feedback we receive is "things your child needs to work on/develop" and not as much insight into strengths/weaknesses, daily interactions, etc.
In the most recent conference, it was presented to us that our child "needs to stick up for himself more" as some children have taken toys away from him (followed by his reaction of going and finding another toy, or him protesting and being ignored).
the suggestion is that he needs to stand up for himself, however I'm struggling with exactly what this means. We teach him to share...to follow the rules...and approach an adult instead of hitting (or biting). Honestly, I was sort of happy to hear that he's laid back enough to move on from the conflicts, and it would seem more like the idea of sharing and not taking things from others should be reinforced in the class.
But...am I approaching this wrong? Should I be taking my son out back and teaching him to throw a punch or shout at someone? Should I be teaching him to never give in and hold tightly to the toy he has no matter what?
I mean he's 2 1/2 - isn't it just even early to worry about all this?
This message has been edited by orvis on Aug 7, 2012 12:49 PM
Unsolicited opinion of someone without kids, but: Unless he's getting upset and crying, I don't see why that's an issue. Obviously he doesn't care that much. Why teach him to fight over something he doesn't care about? Sounds like my annual review. Even if there's really nothing negative to say, make something stupid up.
If I had a child like that as a student, I'd be pretty happy with his roll-with-the-punches disposition and I'd have told you THAT. There's assertive and then there's aggressive and a child that young could become one when you want him to maybe be a little more of the other.
No kids here, either, but day care conferences sound like a little bit of overkill. People with kids, enlighten me: is this something that's evolved over time into what's expected? Is it to somehow justify you paying $200/week (or whatever) for decent care? 2 1/2 is awfully little to be concerned about some of this, anyway.
Look, I don't want to be one of those stick your head in the sand kind of parents who thinks my kid can do no wrong.
But i just can't understand exactly why you'd want add any sort of aggression to a kid. Just seems like you should equip them to do the right thing always, turn the other cheek...then as life goes on they will figure out when they need to stand their ground.
But at 2 1/2 can they really process that?
I guess the right response is to just ignore it? But I find myself wanting to respond back.
Sharing is overrated. When I was a preschool teacher of course I taught kids not to be little selfish bastards but I also taught them that when someone is having their turn it's their turn and they don't need to give up their (insert whatever) when it's their turn. Perhaps that's what little Jay's teacher is talking about. Being a go-with-the-flow kid is great, but there is a point to telling you he's a bit quick to give up and move on.
It's a delicate balance for sure and I can only come from a former teachers perspective of looking at both sides. And I didn't teach kids that young so I'm not sure of how many conferences you have because I only did 1 a year unless there was an issue or a parent wanted to know something specific.
Good perspective DJ. I would just argue that the behavior modification likely needs to take place with the kids doing the taking.
Example. This morning (the day after said conference). Lil J is waiting his turn to wash his hands at drop off. While I'm putting something away, another kid steps in front of him and takes his turn. mindful of the teacher feedback, I note to lil Jay, "Let him know it was your turn." He does and asks him to move. the kid ignores him. Its not my place to enforce the rules with someone's child, so I look at the teachers and they just smile.
ummm, ok. Do you want me to teach him to body slam the kid? Enforce the rules you idiots.
I dunno. I do know that its going to be a long life dealing with daycare and the public school system if this is any indicator.