Hi Debbie, I have just joined Sidetracked Homeschoolers, and thought I would visit the special needs forum, as I have a 9 year old boy with Acute Anxiety Disorder. Boy it is like walking on eggshells mostly. I also have an 18 year old son at college.
Until mid January, I had struggled with 3 schools to get them to understand my lad. I am in UK. He was bullied incessantly by one boy for 3 years, and the purpetrator was rewarded for NOT bullying. My son was ignored mainly, and the headmaster was surprised that I upped and left - yeah, right!!
Anyway, I can only say that I have been deschooling (going interest-led) mainly, and letting school get out of our system. My lad isnt aggressive, and is good at home, and I do sympathise with your situation. I wonder whether school has just made your DD's 'condition' worse. He too cannot read all that well, or write much, and used to get stressed out a lot. I didnt have a good night's sleep for 4 years!! But now he is learning all the time thru 'play'. I do not do charts, rewards, or extreme punishments, as he doesnt need all that regime imposed on him. His time comprehension would also prohibit my imposing any long-term punishment too rigidly. His eating habits are similar to your DD's. I have joined a homeschooling course on www.universalclass.com and picked up loads of information. Also Flat Travelers are a super way of introducing real time geography.
Does your daughter have siblings. I wonder why she rages, kicks and yells. My son went thru a little of that before we left the second school. It was pure torture for him being packed off every day to a place which he didnt really understand. We had all sorts of understanding nods and talks with his form teacher, but it was all lip-service really. If you dont fit the mould, it is just hard luck, you seem to be hitting your head against a brick wall. Well, I thought, there is nobody going to fight in your child's corner but YOU. And after 4 years, I thought well I might as well do it myself, my child had an absolute right to be happy. Anyway, I am going on a bit. Let me know how you get on. I can give you my email if you like.
Best of luck
sonia aka kaoskat in UK