Nasx otec ktor es om nebes,
Sviatju es tvoi imen,
Tvoi krolenie pridib,
Tvoi vola bu na Zemla takak om nebes,
Darij nams nasx denju hleb,
I uprostij nams nasx grehis,
takak mi uprostime,
tamktor grehijut proti nams,
I ne vestij nams vo pokusenie,
no spasij nams ot zlo.
Gabriel pisal:
Nor otec, kotor su vo neba, santih su tui imen, tui krolenia budu pridit, tui hot budu vo Zemla takaio kaio vo neba, darai nam nor denih hleba, i uprostai nam nor grehov, takaio kaio mi uprostit nor grehacenikov, i ne vestai nas vo pokuseniu, no spasai nas proti zla.
Ja otvetijm:
Pocxti slovo vo slovo kopirilju ot Slovio, izklucxuo ne-Slavju slovos takak: nor, su, santhi, i tui. Esli to ne es pirat kopir, ja seba pitajm: sxto es piratju kopir?
Ja bilbijm pisat:
Otec nasx, ktor es vo nebes,
Sviatilju (sacrosanct) buj tvoi imen,
Pridib krolenie tvoi,
Buj vola tvoi, kak vo nebe tak na zemla.
Hleb nasx vsedenju darij nams dnes.
I uprostij nams nasx vinostis,
takak mi uprostime nasx vinnikis;
I ne vestij nams na pokusenie
No nams spasij ot zlo.
This sounds more Slavic than your copy-cat, is it not? Ne es pravda?
It isn't a pirate copying. Or maybe it is, but on the call of Slovio developers who wrote:
It is easy to criticize and have clever ideas but put them in practice. Why don't you take the existing SLOVIO words from the Slovio dictionary, and use them with your grammar. And then write some text using Slovio words combined with your grammar. But write at least 2 paragraphs and le't see if it will work. Try it, show and example and not only criticize. Thanks
That's why I wrote my own (non-Slovio) pan-Slavic version of the Lord's Prayer. I translated it according to the version from Slovio.com (Nasx otec ...), although your version (Otec nasx ...) is more closer to the version of the prayer that I know from my native Czech language (in terms of selection of words, word order, grammatical forms etc.). But this isn't a problem, I say it only by the way.
Please note that my version contains no non-Slavic odd plurals (grehis), no ugly-looking x's (nasx), no strange forms of pronouns (nams) and no difficultly pronounceable consonant clusters (sviatju, tvoi, ktor).
nor is a Romance word for nasx. I wrote it in order to avoid the ugly nasx. Even if I wanted to wrote the [nasx] sound, I would write it more aesthetically as nasz.
su is a Slavic present tense form of the verb to be (from native Slavic words like som, sam, sme, smo, sa, su, si). I think that it is more understandable than es but this is to be discussed.
santih is a Romance replacement for the Slavic sviatju because of the difficultly pronounceable cluster sv-. And -ih is the adjective ending, as -ju in Slovio. However, if you think that our pan-Slavic language should be accesible especially for native Slavs with no view to foreignes' pronunciation capability, then maybe sviatih could be preserved.
tui is a Romance replacement for the Slavic tvoi because of the difficultly pronounceable cluster tv-. However, if you think that our pan-Slavic language should be accesible especially for native Slavs with no view to foreignes' pronunciation capability, then maybe tvoi could be preserved.
So maybe a more compromise version (closer to Slovio but still correcting its main failures) would be:
Nasz otec, ktor es vo neba, sviatih es tvoi imen, tvoi krolenia budu pridit, tvoi hot budu vo Zemla takaio kaio vo neba, darai nam nasz denih hleba, i uprostai nam nasz grehov, takaio kaio mi uprostit nor grehacenikov, i ne vestai nas vo pokuseniu, no spasai nas proti zla.
In my opinion, this definitely sounds much more Slavic than the current Slovio version.
If I would translate according to your version, the result would be this:
(more practical version) Otec nor, kotor su vo neba,
santenih bud tui imen,
pridui krolenia tui,
bud hot tui kaio vo neba takaio na Zemla,
hlebu nor vese-denih darui nam hodio,
i uprostui nam nor vinov,
takaio kaio mi uprostit nor vinenikov,
i ne vestui nas vo pokuseniu,
no nas spasui proti zla.
(more Slavic version) Otec nasz, ktor su vo neba,
sviatenih bud tvoi imen,
pridui krolenia tvoi,
bud hot tvoi kaio vo neba takaio na Zemla,
hlebu nasz vese-denih darui nam dneso,
i uprostui nam nasz vinov,
takaio kaio mi uprostit nasz vinenikov,
i ne vestui nas vo pokuseniu,
no nas spasui proti zla.
lubijm neboju oblak lubovijm te
lubijm letit kak ptak lubovijm te
lubijm sxirju pole lubovijm te
lubijm toplju more lubovijm te
lubijm pesokju plazx lubovijm te
lubijm vse sxto podajsx lubovijm te
sxto pridijt zavtra to ne znajm
sxto daril vcxera ne imajm
gde ja bil tagda ne iskajm
palijt ogen, palijt ogen
lubijm edat pod palma lubovijm te
lubijm lezxat vo vana lubovijm te
lubijm dikju zabava lubovijm te
lubijm zelenju trava lubovijm te
lubijm goracxju guba lubovijm te
lubijm tainju celuva lubovijm te
lubijm letoju nocxis lubovijm te
lubijm neboju ocxis lubovijm te
sxto pridijt zavtra to ne znajm
sxto daril vcxera ne imajm
gde ja bil tagda ne iskajm
palijt ogen, palijt ogen
lubovijm Bulgarica lubovijm te
lubovijm Moskvanica lubovijm te
lubovijm Praganica lubovijm te
lubovijm Slovakica lubovijm te
lubovijm Belgradica lubovijm te
lubovijm Polakica lubovijm te
sxto pridijt zavtra to ne znajm
sxto daril vcxera ne imajm
gde ja bil tagda ne iskajm
palijt ogen, palijt ogen
lubovijm Sibirica lubovijm te
lubovijm Kievica lubovijm te
lubovijm Hrvatica lubovijm te
lubovijm Kazahica lubovijm te
lubijm edat paprika lubovijm te
lubijm Slovio jazika lubovijm te
sxto pridijt zavtra to ne znajm
sxto daril vcxera ne imajm
gde ja bil tagda ne iskajm
palijt ogen, palijt ogen
lubijm ogromju Azia lubovijm te
lubijm ostrov Australia lubovijm te
lubijm zelenju gora lubovijm te
lubijm ehat na korab lubovijm te
lubijm nocxju dozxd i grom lubovijm te
lubijm nasx brevnoju dom lubovijm te
sxto pridijt zavtra to ne znajm
sxto daril vcxera ne imajm
gde ja bil tagda ne iskajm
palijt ogen, palijt ogen
lubijm glubokju reka lubovijm te
lubijm pesnat dla ti lubovijm te
lubijm velju Rusica lubovijm te
lubijm mokrju mlodica lubovijm te
sxto pridijt zavtra to ne znajm
sxto daril vcxera ne imajm
gde ja bil tagda ne iskajm
palijt ogen, palijt ogen
(The above song can be played and sung to the melody of Manu Chao's "Me gusta tu".)
( 
))!!