VERZIA -UF -IFS

Vo doezdnikju pasazxir-poezdifs Indju vel-groduf Mumbai tut den slucxil serial siem koordinilju vzrivifs. Soglosuo so pervju raportis tut vzrivis smertili okol sto cxlovekis. Mumbai es financju glavn-grod Indiaf.

=========================================
VERZIA -UM -IMS

Vo doezdnikju pasazxir-poezdims Indju vel-grodum Mumbai tut den slucxil serial siem koordinilju vzrivims. Soglosuo so pervju raportis tut vzrivis smertili okol sto cxlovekis. Mumbai es financju glavn-grod Indiam.

=========================================

====================
Vo doezdnikju pasazxir-poezdims Indju vel-grodum Mumbai tut den slucxil serial siem koordinilju vzrivims. Soglosuo so pervju raportis tut vzrivis smertili okol sto cxlovekis. Mumbai es financju glavn-grod Indiam.
====================

seems to me a better version

but there are some problems with some words that I had to use the dictionary to look up:

doezd meaning commute did not occur to me, it sounds like "arrive" to me (cf. Ru. доехать)
serial meaning foray (I had to even look up foray lol) does not even make sense, because serial is always a Mexican TV show where I come from (maybe Brazilian)

it took me around a minute to understand the first sentence

Ja bi pisat to tak:
Vo doezdnikju pasazxir-poezdis vo Indju vel-grod Mumbai tut den slucxil po kolei (=successively) siem koordinilju vzrivims. Soglosuo so pervju raportis usled tut vzrivis smertili okol sto cxlovekis. Mumbai es financju glavn-grod Indiam.

Eugeniusx

===============
Ja bi pisat to tak:
Vo doezdnikju pasazxir-poezdis vo Indju vel-grod Mumbai tut den slucxil po kolei (=successively) siem koordinilju vzrivims. Soglosuo so pervju raportis usled tut vzrivis smertili okol sto cxlovekis. Mumbai es financju glavn-grod Indiam.
===============

po kolei doesn't make sense to me

I like how you inserted a vo in there because now it is more understandable.

Vo komutju pasazxir-poeszdis vo Indesk vel-grod Mumbai tut den slucxil uspehuo siem koordinilju vzrivims. Soglosuo so pervju raportis usled tut vzrivis smertili okol sto cxlovekis. Mumbai es financju glavn-grod Indiam.

mislijm zxe naidobrju es -(U)M i (U)MI
Potom ja bi pisat to tak:
Vo doezdnikju pasazxir-poezdi vo Indju vel-grod Mumbai tut den slucxil sukcesivju siem koordinilju VZRIVUMI. Soglosuo so pervju raporti usled tut vzrivi smertili okol sto cxloveki. Mumbai es financju glavn-grod INDIAM.

Eugeniusx

ah, that sounds better

Sxto milsite, upotrebits "drug za drugum" vzamen "sukcesivju"?

Eugenusx

izvinijm, mislite i ne milsite.

Zvestia:
2006-07-13 Soglosuo so nai-novju ofisju oglosenies pred-vcxeraju serial bombeniefs Bumbaivoi pasazxir-poezdifs smertil 186 cxlovekis.

Verzia moi:
2006-07-13 Nai-novju ofisju oglosenie informit, zxe 186 cxloveki smertil posle pred-vcxeraju drug-za-drugum bombenie vo Mumbaiju pasazxir-poezdi.

Eugeniusx

Of course your version is better, you used a better wording