Hi John,
1. You need to use an autoresponder service or mailing list manager that reads in the name from the person's default setting in their mail program. Aweber, Getresponse and many others do this, but the software I use (which personally I think is much, much better) is through my membership to www.sellwide.com. Their advanced mailing list manager is the best software of it's kind on the market.
2. I'd just ask here whenever you need any help in this department.
3. Try searching Google for "free ad tracker" and you'll find loads.
Hope this helps,
~ Rebecca
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Rebecca Rogers
The Online Marketing Library
http://www.OnlineMarketingLibrary.com