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  • Northern Thunder scrape win against Football Team!
    • Swampy (no login)
      Posted Aug 1, 2002 3:17 PM

      Don't know how many people saw it, or even heard about it, but as a way of promoting Netball, Northern Thunder were pitted against a load of Sunday League Footie bums. I was one of those bums, and so I put this on our Sunday League Website.

      And thanks to NT...... we enjoyed ourselves!

      News has just come in that the Barleycorn FC, perenial no-hopers from the 2nd Division, have registered there worst ever result.

      The score? 47-3 to Northern Thunder.

      The match, highlights of which were shown on BBC2 on Tuesday night, and will be repeated again on Friday (allegedly), was a one sided affair. During the 30 minutes of action (after which the game was abandoned due to a water logged pitch) (tears of laughter from opposition supporters) the Barleycorn Keeper managed to let in a massive 47 goals. He flung himself around the area, performing feats of acrobatics formerly not seen by a Barleycorn player. Unfortunately, possibly due to camera shyness, during these acts he could be seen smiling nervously at the camera, and not concentrating on the ball.

      The shooters from the Thunder shared the spoils almost equally, one scoring 8 hat-tricks, the other seven ("slightly disappointing" according to the Thunder coach). They were both girls.

      The 5'5" (female) keeper from Northern Thunder was almost untroubled throughout the first 20 minutes of play (playing against a guest Barlecorn Striker, described by the Barleycorn coach as "6 foot lots and f#@king useless", until a change of position saw Swampy moved from left midfield (where he was ineffectual at best) to Striker, where his more predatory instincts could come into effect. Instantly the change paid off, with a sublime goal from the edge of the 'D'. For the next nine minutes, he was described as "5 foot nothing and f#@king useless" by the team coach.

      During the interval after 10 minutes (and again after 20 minutes) the coach (Marion, as in Maid Marion, or rather Grandma Marion) could be heard explaining the rules of the game. It went something like this: "you get the ball; you pass the ball; you move". And: "they're faster than you. Don't man-to-man mark. They're more skillful than you. Use your strength. Get the ball it helps. And when you get it, keep it. It helps." And: "You're getting beaten by 18 year old girls. You're all f#@king useless. F#@k off out of my sight.

      During post match interviews, guest captain 'Uncle' Pete told cameras "those girls are so fit". Police have confiscated his laptop and are reviewing the evidence.

      The girls refused to comment, unable to stop laughing sufficiently enough to be coherent.

      John Barnes, ex-Liverpool hero, now a punter, told the presenter in the studio "we were once beaten by girls". Police have confiscated his wardrobe and are reviewing the evidence. One police spokeperson said "there must be some crime... those ties look f#@king abysmal"

      The Barleycorn coach stated after the match that there was the "beginnings of a team". The snort of laughter following was edited out.

      Northern Thunder coach said "Netball's a girls game. Now F#@k off".
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