Here we are at the conference finals . . . the plucky overachievers from the Canadian prairie . . . the reborn and retooled left coasters with a coach looking for redemption after a disappointing end to his Caps tenure . . . the economically strapped, yet fun to watch ugly ducklings turned swans . . . and the Flyers. Let the fun begin!
Eastern Conference Final – Philadelphia Flyers versus Tampa Bay Lighting
How they got here:
Philadelphia – Amtrak
Tampa Bay – Southwest Airlines
Players to watch:
Philadelphia – Jeremy Roenick, because the league insists on it
Tampa Bay – Ruslan Fedotenko . . . so you can see just what equal value for Joni Pitkanen is.
Key stat:
Philadelphia – 29 . . . the number of seasons without a Stanley Cup . . . the last time they won was the Caps’ first year in the league. The Peerless does not see this as a coincidence.
Tampa Bay – 0 . . . number of times they lost to Philadelphia this year in four games (outscoring the Flyers 18-8). That number will change when the final horn goes off in Game 1.
Ken Hitchcock and John Tortorella always look as if someone farted in their general direction. Guys, loosen up, it’s a game. As for the teams, they are studies in misguided perceptions. On the one hand, we have the Flyers . . . the Broad Street Bullies . . . run by the front office Head Bully, Bobby Clarke, who has about as much use for Europeans as George Bush has for, well, Europeans. Well then, how does one account for the fact that the Flyers have more guys whose names end in "ov" than the Moscow phone book? Meanwhile, there are the hapless Lightning, who spent a decade not being able to score against air or being able to defend against piles of steaming moose dung. They only had the best record in the East – better than Ottawa, Toronto, Boston, and yes . . . Philadelphia. So, who wins in the battle of the misperceived? Well, Tampa is going to look good for long stretches of this series . . . they’ll be exciting . . . they’ll ooh and ahh with Vinnie and Marty and Khabbi and Cory . . . and they’ll lose.
Flyers in six.
Western Conference Final – Calgary Flames versus San Jose Sharks
How they got here:
Calgary – the old fashioned way . . . hard work
San Jose – the new fashioned way . . . dumping salary to keep players who weren’t afraid of hard work
Players to Watch:
Calgary – Martin Gelinas . . . dubbed "The Closer" for authoring three career series-clinching OT goals, if he’s on the ice in OT, don’t go to the refrigerator.
San Jose – Marcel Goc . . . hey, how can you not watch a guy whose name sounds like someone struggling with a hair ball?
Key stat:
Calgary – 1 . . . number of players born in Brazil (Robyn Regehr), which makes them the league leader in this critical statistic.
San Jose – 3 . . . number of ex-Caps behind the bench . . . Ron Wilson, Tim Hunter, Rob Zettler . . . they’re doomed.
Old School versus Old School. Darryl Sutter – he of the family that gave 4,392 brothers to the NHL – is a no-nonsense, everyone-pull-together, lay-it-all-on-the-line, if-there’s-no-bone-showin’-yer-not-hurt school of hockey. On the other hand, we have Ron Wilson, whose father Larry and uncle Johnny won Cups with the Red Wings (the winged wheel coulda used ‘em against Calgary), whose cousin Stumpy collects hockey sticks, whose aunt Millie makes a mean cup of elk vegetable soup, and whose second cousin on his father’s side Bert has vowed to watch all the games on satellite – naked – until Ronnie wins a Cup. The Wilsons don’t like too much to be made of that. So who wins this battle of Old School versus Old School? . . . Bert, put yer clothes on, Ronnie’s goin’ to the Finals.
San Jose in one of the most entertaining seven game series in recent memory.
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Play hard, shake hands, drink beer.
"LA needs two hockey teams like Switzerland needs two navies" -- Norman Chad (from "My 10-Point Plan to Save Gary Bettman from Himself")
"Playoff hockey is the best two months in team sports . . . period."
-- Mitch Albom
